Our son Kevin, 18, just graduated from high school, where he was a straight A student and kind of nerdy (speaking as a former high school nerd myself). He had never shown much interest in girls until near the beginning of his senior year, when he suddenly got a girlfriend, a freshman cheerleader named Fawn who is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, wears as close to nothing as she can get away with, and is--how shall I put this--not very intellectually capable. Fawn is sweet, always extremely polite, and despite her manner of dress, very innocent. She seems devoted to Kevin even though she could probably have any teen boy in town she set her eyes on just because of her looks. We have tried hard not to embarrass her or Kevin when she says something that makes us cringe and to avoid comments on the skimpiness of her attire. Kevin assures us they are not having sex, and we trust him on that. Nevertheless, we have not been terribly happy about our son's choice of girlfriends.
Recently we discovered that Kevin spanks Fawn. Not just one or two hand swats on Fawn's bottom, which we have seen him do playfully when she wears something that shows off a lot of her bottom like a thong bikini or some of her shorts, but multiple stroke "corrections" administered with the back side of an old wooden hairbrush that Fawn always keeps in her purse. This has evidently been going on the whole time they have been dating. Fawn considers it perfectly normal, and Fawn's parents have known all along and approve. Fawn is still spanked at home by her father.
My wife and I do not approve of spanking. We have raised our two without ever using it. (Okay, once.) Our son holds values similiar to ours, which I would describe as liberal, but he doesn't see any problem with spanking Fawn. He sees it as an entirely cultural difference, and says that I am prejudiced against Fawn's family--which I have to admit may be true. I have caught myself thinking the words "white trash" to refer to them more than once, although I don't think I have actually said those words aloud to Kevin. Fawn completely believes that she should be spanked. While Fawn is Kevin's first girlfriend, Kevin is not Fawn's first boyfriend. Fawn tells us her previous boyfriends also spanked her.
We are concerned, for Kevin, because we don't want him to see women as property, for Fawn, who is a nice girl who deserves better than what she has been brainwashed to accept and would probably make a wonderful girlfriend for somebody else's son, and for our daughter, a classmate and fellow cheerleader of Fawn's, because of the influence her older brother may have on her. Needless to say, we can't very well call Child Protection without completely alienating Kevin and possibly getting him into trouble, besides which we haven't actually seen any clear evidence of physical abuse on Fawn's body, most of which has been visible every day this summer with the weather so hot. It is the emotional abuse and the lack of self-image engendered by that which most concerns me. We can't make rules for Kevin without being hypocritical ourselves.
Any suggestions? Kevin says we should mind our own business, but I think this is our business. Am I wrong?
Recently we discovered that Kevin spanks Fawn. Not just one or two hand swats on Fawn's bottom, which we have seen him do playfully when she wears something that shows off a lot of her bottom like a thong bikini or some of her shorts, but multiple stroke "corrections" administered with the back side of an old wooden hairbrush that Fawn always keeps in her purse. This has evidently been going on the whole time they have been dating. Fawn considers it perfectly normal, and Fawn's parents have known all along and approve. Fawn is still spanked at home by her father.
My wife and I do not approve of spanking. We have raised our two without ever using it. (Okay, once.) Our son holds values similiar to ours, which I would describe as liberal, but he doesn't see any problem with spanking Fawn. He sees it as an entirely cultural difference, and says that I am prejudiced against Fawn's family--which I have to admit may be true. I have caught myself thinking the words "white trash" to refer to them more than once, although I don't think I have actually said those words aloud to Kevin. Fawn completely believes that she should be spanked. While Fawn is Kevin's first girlfriend, Kevin is not Fawn's first boyfriend. Fawn tells us her previous boyfriends also spanked her.
We are concerned, for Kevin, because we don't want him to see women as property, for Fawn, who is a nice girl who deserves better than what she has been brainwashed to accept and would probably make a wonderful girlfriend for somebody else's son, and for our daughter, a classmate and fellow cheerleader of Fawn's, because of the influence her older brother may have on her. Needless to say, we can't very well call Child Protection without completely alienating Kevin and possibly getting him into trouble, besides which we haven't actually seen any clear evidence of physical abuse on Fawn's body, most of which has been visible every day this summer with the weather so hot. It is the emotional abuse and the lack of self-image engendered by that which most concerns me. We can't make rules for Kevin without being hypocritical ourselves.
Any suggestions? Kevin says we should mind our own business, but I think this is our business. Am I wrong?
