Bad Word Police...

[Stepmom2be]

I don't know if this topic has been discussed yet.

What words are "bad words" in your house that aren't necessarily BAD words?

ss7 is the bad word police. He will hear a "crap" or a "hate" from across the house and get angry at us.

How do you handle bad words? He is old enough to know that certain words ARE bad, (I'm talking actual bad words. F, A, B, S, etc...) And if we sometimes slip in front of him, he knows not to repeat those words...

But I am so sick and tired of getting called out every time I say the word stupid. I'm sorry, but some things ARE stupid and I don't like calling them *silly.*

I usually tell ss7 that Yes, those words ARE bad words, for you. When you are a grown up and can make your own decisions about bad words, you can say whatever you want.

So in our house, we get called out for
hate
crap
stupid
dumb
ugly (when directed to a person or something someone made)

I'mm sure there's more, but it's just irritating. I know it's not good to say bad words around kids, but like I said before, he KNOWS not to repeat them and it's not excessive.

 

[mom2many]

It's a phase, once they learn that certain words are *naughty* they become active in educating everyone. Just keep doing what you are doing, remind him that as grown-ups we have a little more freedom of speech and that while the words we use are not always nice or acceptable, sometimes we just feel them slip out.

 

[johndeep]

Really very nice one post here. Keep it up.!

 

[MomoJA]

In addition to those you have listed and some others, I have forbidden my daughter from saying, "Ounkheh." Translation: "I don't care."

I used to hear my teenage students say this about 5 times an hour each. It is used in any situation where a person is out of his/her comfort zone for ANY reason, be it fear, embarrassment, shame, a challenge, etc. It was a way of showing disdain for anything that was even remotely difficult. It was self-defense for a sense of failure.

At the age of 20 months, my daughter came home from daycare saying this with the exact intonation my students would deliver it.

 

[IADad]

"Hate" "Shut-up" and "Stupid" are all treated with pretty much zero tolerance...if either of them says them they'd better be surrounded by some pretty obvious quotation marks.

 

[adamalv1215]

I think this stuff is useless. There are no bad or naughty words. Just times when you shouldn't use them. Because once someone knows a word they cannot unknow it, and that its bad at all is only someones opinion. Rather than teaching what part of the language they should or shouldn't use, teach them how to best present themselves so that they will be taken seriously. Meaning I really don't care what my kid says so long as they know who it should never be directed at, because it's likely even those who posted here curse at times, but know that directing it at others in a hateful way only worsens thing, or that doing it in an interview will kill your chances, etc etc. So if my kid drops an F bomb at a reasonable age when something drops on his foot...whatever. But cursing at me when I ask of him something...not cool. So teach them to be a better person, not the syllables they should and shouldn't use.

 

[Stepmom2be]

I think this stuff is useless. There are no bad or naughty words. Just times when you shouldn't use them. Because once someone knows a word they cannot unknow it, and that its bad at all is only someones opinion. Rather than teaching what part of the language they should or shouldn't use, teach them how to best present themselves so that they will be taken seriously. Meaning I really don't care what my kid says so long as they know who it should never be directed at, because it's likely even those who posted here curse at times, but know that directing it at others in a hateful way only worsens thing, or that doing it in an interview will kill your chances, etc etc. So if my kid drops an F bomb at a reasonable age when something drops on his foot...whatever. But cursing at me when I ask of him something...not cool. So teach them to be a better person, not the syllables they should and shouldn't use.

I like your point. Sometimes I feel like BF goes a little too far. If O calls him a "liar" he says "Dont say liar. Say fibber." Though I guess calling someone a liar is kind of an insult. He knows that we say words like stupid and dumb. because sometimes when the stupid vacuum gets clogged or the dumb door won't stay open, he knows I am just using those word to vent my frustration. Unfortunately though, if he was saying those words, they would be directed towards a person. He just cant seem to get it through his head that if I say the word stupid, he doesnt need to mean mug me till I apologize lol

 

[MomoJA]

Unfortunately though, if he was saying those words, they would be directed towards a person. He just cant seem to get it through his head that if I say the word stupid, he doesnt need to mean mug me till I apologize lol

I think that's the point. It's a developmental thing. Most kids (I would say all kids but there are probably the one in a million who are different) cannot make the distinctions adamalv suggests we teach our children. They are not developmentally ready. Therefore, we teach them that those words are bad. They take that very literally and apply it to all situations. We have to back that up. Otherwise, they are just confused.

I think we also teach them not to use those words because they are negative as well as off-putting. We try to teach children to face the world with a positive, can-do, hopeful attitude. If they hear negativity all the time, they learn to be that way. There's also the whole personal accountability thing to consider. If we can't win a video game and we call it stupid, our kids learn that anything we cannot succeed doing is not worthy of trying.

Of course we all use those words at some point or another, though I would prefer my daughter to never "drop the f bomb," even when she is 20 and has dropped something on her foot because I hope that her vocabulary is large enough and her reactions are tempered enough that she can do or say something else. That may be too much to hope for, but . . .

Finally, with regard to curse words, I was taught that people who curse are crass and uneducated. Right or wrong, that attitude exists in the world. I would rather my child not have to overcome that presupposition about her. Being African, she'll have enough to overcome. She doesn't need people thinking she's crass and uneducated because of something over which she has total control.

 

[FPN_Trey]

Excellent post. We don't allow most major bombs like you guys (f,b,s etc). We do allow other words but ask our kids to discriminate their use for "only at home" explaining that some folks do have a problem with them.

I can already hear the other parents "well it's only a matter of time before they say that in front of someone else." To date, my kids have done well.

We allow stupid for situations/actions...but not people. Some situations are just...well...stupid and I agree with you. There can be no better words.

You might be surprised how much your kids discriminate home from other places. The key will be this: YOU MUST practice it yourself. If you drop even the stupid-bomb outside the house with this rule...you know what will happen.

 

[MinnDad714]

You know, I think that once they are encouraged to use larger vocabularies, they tend to stay away from that stuff. My daughter used to be real proud of mom not knowing that she curses, but it was a phase - a novelty, if you will. Once she was encouraged to use big words, she's learned to use those to express her frustrations, instead - much to my satisfaction.

A "crap" and "shit" still flies out of her mouth once in a while, but generally, our rule is to talk out our frustrations and not use words that are "below" us. Encourage them, but don't censor them.

 

[LucidKitty]

My parents raised us with a lax attitude in that department which i do with my little sister as well. However while it was lax we also understood the fact that people judge you by how you speak, and that not everyone likes those words.

 

[cybele]

I push the perspective of whose around to hear you. I dont mind if one of my older ones drops a few swear words when talking to me, or each other, but if my youngest is around they know to bite.their tongues.

I dont have any banned words or phrases as such, but if they say something rude or impolite I will make them explain themselves.