Bonding...

[cybele]

My sister in law had a baby recently, her third and we were talking last night and she was telling me how she is yet to feel that overwhelming love feeling, or feeling like she has 100% bonded with the baby. She didn't with her older girls either, but she was under the impression that as she is much older now (11 year age gap) she would be more 'mature' and it would come on earlier.

I never really admitted it to anyone at the time, but I remember when I was pregnant with Dita I went to the pre-natal class and the midwife was talking about that overwhelming love feeling you get, usually after the placenta comes out and your body releases all the hormones. I didn't get that with my four of my kids, I think I had it with Sunny, but I am not sure if it was love or relief because it was a complicated birth and she was okay. But I felt, especially with my first, like I was this huge failure of a mother straight off the bat because yes, I loved her, the way you kind of have to love family, I didn't get that "Oh my goodness this is my child I will never let anything happen to them and they are my whole world" feeling until many many months later.

So this morning I was talking to one of the Mums at school drop-off who I have become pretty good friends with and said "Hey, just out of curiosity, -explains topic- how did that work for you?" and she said "I think it's crap, I didn't feel that, I don't know anyone who did, I thought I had PND half an hour after giving birth because I didn't feel this gush of emotion".



So it's playing on my mind and I'm really curious about this, who felt that emotional 'rush'? Because I am seriously starting to class this one with the 'orgasmic birth' theory being "It's in people's heads and not quite happening".

 

[MamaRuthie]

i didn't but I thought it was because I had a c-section and that stops you from feeling that but I don't know how true that is it was just what I was told

 

[Xero]

Well, I don't think I really had that instant, extreme rush of emotion right after birth as they describe it. Honestly, I blame it on the fact that I was totally drugged up lol. I cry whenever I see somebody on TV have a baby, I THINK I would cry over the birth of my OWN child if I was actually capable of it (but I was so loopy, that I wasn't capable). I was on a couple different IV meds for pain and stuff, and also I had an epidural with both towards the end. Too bad I couldn't do it without that stuff, I do think I would have had that rush of emotion and cried a bunch haha.

Anyway, I did honestly feel extremely bonded and obsessed and the "overwhelming love" pretty much right away with both of my kids, otherwise. Like, in general. It didn't take months or anything. Although, I will say that the love feeling in the beginning is not the same as the love feeling months down the road. It is a different thing, and a stronger thing because now this is a little person that I know everything about and have been through everything with etc.

I have seen stuff on that "orgasmic birth" thing....lol. Oh man.

 

[cybele]

Ooh, so it is real.

Have you seen clips from the 'documentary' on youtube about orgasmic birth? They are just so funny. There is no way that's real.

 

[Xero]

Not gonna lie, it kind of creeps me out and makes me laugh sarcastically at the same time lol.

 

[cybele]

I get you on the creepy thing. I have heard the defence that "both are natural" and sure, both are, but not at the same time...

 

[akmom]

No, I didn't have that either Cybele. I mean, she was a cute baby, and I was excited about raising her, but there was no overwhelming gush of emotion or instant bond. That came a few weeks later. But as Xero describes, it's more the result of knowing everything about someone and being responsible for their 24/7 care.

I had epidurals with my first and third, but can't say my experience was any different than with my second.

 

[cybele]

I had an epi with Sash, but was pain-relief free with the first four and didn't really notice a difference either.

 

[IADad]

I get you on the creepy thing. I have heard the defence that "both are natural" and sure, both are, but not at the same time...

agreed, pooping is natural too, now they'll be wanting to induce that at the same time.

to your OP, I think different people, and not just moms, feel different stuff about their kids at different times. The brain has huge stuff to process and a lot depends on the circumstances of the prgnancy and birth, and stuff as simple as how tired you are etc, there's no way I'd consider either reaction (euphoria, or indifference) "normal" or "ab normal" and they should stop teaching that....talk about adding stress for new moms.