boy 13, girl 11...

[bobspock100]

I have a 13 yr old son and he has his own room. he spends time with the 11 yr old girl next door. she has no parents, they were killed in an accident. she lives with her very old grandmother and 12 yr old brother. she cares for her brother and washes him in the bath because he is crippled from an accident. she started to notice him getting erections when she washed his penis, but she didn't mind because he is not circumcised and she knows to hold the skin back to wash it properly, and thought it was easier to wash that way, especially since she takes a long time washing it to be sure its clean and fresh. also, she would rather do it than some stranger.

now she has started spending time with my 13 yr old son. she sometimes comes over in the evening while he is in the bath, and will walk right in and start talking with him and wash his back. one time she washed him all over to show him how she washes her brother. he is circumcised and she thinks its easier to wash, but still spends a long time washing it to be sure it was clean and fresh. he got an erection too but she knows that its normal. she try's hard to do right and be helpful.

on Friday nights she stays over and they are up late with the tv and computer. long after I am in bed, they take a bath and go to bed. she sleeps in with him because we have no other beds and it is convenient. he sleeps nude but its no problem because she sleeps with panties on. now she has started giving him a massage at bedtime. he lays on his stomach for 1/2 hour while she does his back, then he lays on his back for 1/2 hour while she does his front. it relaxes him so he sleeps well, and she loves doing it. she is such a good kid and always wanting to help.

they are good kids and get along so well. they have not thought about dating or anything like that yet, so I guess I have a while before I have to be concerned about anything. if anyone has comments or suggestions I am all ears.

 

[cybele]

Why is an 11yr old washing her brother's penis? Why is she washing your son's penis? Why is she washing anyone's penis? How do you know the in depth thoughts she has on the ease of penis washing?

 

[bobspock100]

to Cybele: she is giving the brother a bath every night because he is crippled from the accident that killed his mom and dad. as for my son, she gave him a full bath once to show him exactly how she does her brother. you need not have evil thoughts here. these kids have known about sex since they were 7 years old, but have no interest in it yet. they are very well adjusted. its not like in the states where everybody gets all uptight about every little thing, and feel they have to hide life from the kids.

 

[cybele]

Evil thoughts? Please elaborate.

My thoughts are that there is an underage boy who is disabled to the point where he is incapable of bathing himself being cared for by an 11yr old. 11yr olds cannot provide adequate care for anyone, let alone severely disabled people. To me that raises serious concerns about this boy's welfare. What is evil about that?

 

[bobspock100]

actually she does an excellent job caring for him. the option would be to have him removed to an institution or placed with strangers. his welfare is probably better served the way it is, with family. no there is no evil in those thoughts, but there is the wrong conclusion about the ability of this fine young girl who is doing a really excellent job.

 

[singledad]

An 11 year old is her crippled brothers primary carer? Like cybele, I'm much more concerned about this than about penises.
1. Is she going to sacrifice the rest of her life to care for him, or are they going to appoint someone to take over from her at some stage? Why not now?
2. She is the primary carer for a disabled child, yet she sleeps over somewhere else, leaving him to fend for himself (what if he had to go to the bathroom during the night? And yet she is told to do an excellent job?
3. Or is this boy, who is too disabled to even wash himself, somehow able to care for himself over night?

Or are you merely trying to get people to judge the fact that she touches his penis, so that you can judge them?

 

[cybele]

Ding ding ding.

 

[bobspock100]

do not overlook the grandmother these kids live with, who is legal guardian of both. she is the one who takes care of both of them. the girl is simply very active to help with anything she can because she loves her brother. it was devastating to these kids when they lost their mom and dad a few months back. under the circumstances, I think whats left of the family unit is doing pretty good keeping it together.

 

[bobspock100]

grandmother looks after the boy when the girl is out. she try's to allow the girl to have some life of her own also. they attempt to have a balanced life for all 3.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

now she has started spending time with my 13 yr old son. She sometimes comes over in the evening while he is in the bath, and will walk right in and start talking with him and wash his back. One time she washed him all over to show him how she washes her brother. He is circumcised and she thinks its easier to wash, but still spends a long time washing it to be sure it was clean and fresh. He got an erection too but she knows that its normal. She try's hard to do right and be helpful.

what ???

 

[Wickett]

There are so many things wrong with the original post that I have no idea where to begin.

11 yr. old sister washing her 12 yr. old brother = not okay

11 yr. old girl washing your 13 yr. old son = not okay

11 yr. old girl sleeping with your nude 13 yr. old son = not okay

11 yr. old girl massaging your 13 yr. old son = not okay

I could go into details but I'll stop there.

 

[bobspock100]

I spoke to them to inquire if there is anything going on I didn't know about. they assure me all is well. I even asked why she brings a towel to bed with them when she stays over. she says its to keep her hands dry when she massages him. so all appears to be well, no problem. I can understand feeling all is not well because you are applying standards according to the way things are in the u.s. things are different here. the kids are fully educated on things when they are very young. they have a much more intelligent view on things relative to sex and boy/girl relations.

 

[cybele]

Wait... why would her hands get wet?

By the way, the "US things" argument doesn't work on me, SingleDad and Natalie as none of us are from the US, so you can drop that one now. This forum has members from many different countries.

 

[Wickett]

I spoke to them to inquire if there is anything going on I didn't know about. they assure me all is well. I even asked why she brings a towel to bed with them when she stays over. she says its to keep her hands dry when she massages him. so all appears to be well, no problem. I can understand feeling all is not well because you are applying standards according to the way things are in the u.s. things are different here. the kids are fully educated on things when they are very young. they have a much more intelligent view on things relative to sex and boy/girl relations.

Sorry, I don't mean to act as though I know your country's way of doing things inside and out, but human nature is human nature. Kissing feels great, sex is better, and kids learn this extremely quickly and will go for it every single time if given the right circumstances, and my friend let me assure you, you don't get any better chance than that.

 

[bobspock100]

I have spoken to the kids, I have somewhat spied on them a little, I have discussed this issue with the girls grandmother, and consulted with another neighbor who knows us all very well. we all end up concluding that most people always suspect and believe the worst about kids, but we know these particular kids so there is no problem they are getting along well, having fun, and enjoying life. all is well. I do appreciate all the efforts that several of you have put forth in an effort to help, and I thank you for your concern.

 

[bobspock100]

for info purposes, about her 12 yr old brother: doctors estimate that in about 2 yrs he will slowly begin to be able to start functioning again. he should be mostly back to normal in about 5 years. the family court took all this into consideration when approving the current status of his care and custody. I was the attorney representing the boys best interests.

 

[singledad]

I need to say this.

The person I am most worried about here, it's the brother. I can't imagine a worse humiliation for a pubescent boy, then getting an erection due to having his penis handled by his sister. Even if everyone concerned understands that it's a completely normal physiological response, it must still be extremely embarrassing for him to be in that situation and be powerless to do anything about it. I don't think it's right to subject him to that. I would at least get an adult to wash him. His sister can help with other things.

 

[bobspock100]

her brother has been asked about that, and he feels that he does not want any strangers touching him, nor even any adults. with his sister, since they are both kids, there is no embarrassment or problem, because the kids don't get all uptight about things like adults do. he would rather have his sister or even my son do it because they are all just kids, so there is no problem. my son has never done it, but would if necessary.

 

[Wickett]

Honestly, not much about any of this makes sense. At least not to me. There is nothing about this situation that is even the slightest bit okay in my eyes. The washing, the sleeping together, the massages. It's not only playing with fire, it's sticking it down your throat and seeing how far you can go before you've done permanent damage. I understand that cultures are different, but human nature isn't different. If he wasn't emotionally affected by it he would never get an erection, but a thought passes through his head, and it happens. You're trying to pretty this up by saying they're good kids. They may be. Lots of good kids make mistakes, especially when it comes to sex and when it's allowed to be placed right in front of them all the time.

But, to be respectful I'll just stop there. I mean no harm.

 

[bobspock100]

I understand all of the normal concerns and I am aware of the potential problems, when dealing with kids of lesser values or intentions. this girl has made it clear that she will maintain her virginity at least until she graduates primary school (grade 12) when she will be 16, and will re-evaluate at that time. my son is honorable and respects that. they are both honorable kids with excellent values. we all understand that most adults always think the worst of kids, but sometimes its not warranted.