Candles...

[dean1012]

Hello. This is my first time posting here. I am a father with one daughter. She is my only child. She has an interest in candles. She loves their various scents, colors, shapes, types, and sizes. She is even interested in making candles. Lately, she has been asking me if she can light the candles and even if she can have her own candles. To my knowledge, she has never touched a lighter or any fire making tool and I do not believe she has an interest in playing with fire. I believe her interest is truly in the candles.

I know that women quite often love candles and I don't see anything wrong with her interest. What age should I allow her to have her own candles? What age should I allow her to have them in her room? What age should I allow her to light candles (whether they are in her room or not)?

She is fairly responsible for her age (she is 9) and I am probably just being over protective but I am nervous even letting her touch a lighter or match. We've always taught her to bring them to us if she ever finds them. Now i'm wondering if I can let her have a candle!

Another semi-related question:

We've been considering doing a family activity to create a set of survival kits. I know, at least in the boy scouts, we were told to carry waterproof matches and an emergency candle (among other things) in our survival kits. At her age, is it appropriate to include these items in her kit and educate her in their uses?


I hope some more seasoned parents can help out here. Thanks.

 

[Kaytee]

I think it depends on the child. I also would think most likely she is just interested in lighting candles. I would not let her have them in her room at this point unless you are the one that monitors them being off. I think that at 9, things come up and they can be forgetful, for example:
parent: are you ready to go to the zoo?
child: yeah!!!!
parent: did you blow your candles out?
child: yes dad, geez!!"

child forgot because she was so excited about going to the zoo that she ddin't blow them out and now you come home and the house is gone.

i would set up very specific rules. No candles at night, only during the day, only when you let a parent know (you keep the lighter and child has to ask you for it) things like that

 

[dean1012]

I see your point. I suppose it is possible she is just interested in lighting the candles and I totally agree with the sometimes short attention span at that age.

Now that you mention all that, I'm reluctant to allow her to have candles in her room at all. I do trust her but if she is just interested in lighting the candles she could possibly find another lighter or matches and hide it from me. That would be way too dangerous for her.

I believe I am going to sit down with her and explain the importance and usefulness of fire. I might take her down to the fire station. I hear they have a class that instructs on all that plus the proper use of lighters and matches.

I will get her a candle of her own but I'll keep the candle and the lighter/matches in the living room and bring them to my bedroom at night. After she learns about fire and its dangers, I will allow her to light her candle if I am present and when she gets a little older she can have it in her room.

What do you guys think? Am I getting on the right track here? I don't want her to hurt herself.

 

[Kaytee]

I personally think that is a wise move. I just hink that at 9, she is not quite ready to handle the responsibility of hte house burning down

 

[dean1012]

I agree with you. This is my first time at parenting so that's why i came here for advise I'll appreciate any further comments from anyone.

Thanks

 

[rycar]

You could also maybe get her a candle warmer and that way you would not even have to deal with the whole lighter issue.

 

[Kaytee]

awww good idea there. I have one and I love it! Makes the candles last longer anyways

 

[fallon]

I think you have the right idea there. I would handle this the same way

 

[dean1012]

A candle warmer is a good idea as well. I would still keep the candle outside her room though. Best not to take any chances.

Thanks everyone.

 

[Kaytee]

hope you stick around!

 

[Mandi_1s]

Would you happen to be a pagan family and perhaps she is absorbing the secondary values of candles that are associated with the faith? If she is seeing mom and dad very into candles she may be immitating what she sees and wanting to do this as a part of bing a 'big girl'

I would definitely set limits, regardless of the reasoning behind her desires, even tell her an age where she will be allowed (10, 11, 12, whenever sounds about right for you) and meanwhile allow her to indulge her curiosity in well supervised living room/ kitchen ways, and even allow her to bring her hands close enough to feel that they are hot, and to see the consequences of something getting too close to the hot. Giving her a sensory memory of why we are very very careful around fire.

 

[musicmom]

Would you happen to be a pagan family and perhaps she is absorbing the secondary values of candles that are associated with the faith? If she is seeing mom and dad very into candles she may be immitating what she sees and wanting to do this as a part of bing a 'big girl'

.

Are you kidding me?? Talk about taking things out of text.

Let your child light candles in the living room and even go outside and experiment with the wax. Knowledge is the best key. Let her know how fast the wind can carry a flame though...I learned the hard way!!! I was 10. whoops.

 

[Mandi_1s]

Are you kidding me?? Talk about taking things out of text.

Let your child light candles in the living room and even go outside and experiment with the wax. Knowledge is the best key. Let her know how fast the wind can carry a flame though...I learned the hard way!!! I was 10. whoops.

Hey, it's a fair question. In pagan families candles are often a very central part of family life.

I wouldn't see why it would be considered an offensive statement, or an out of context statement.

Unfortunately it has been made unanswerable by the judgment. If the family happens to be as such the knee jerk 'OMG that's so wrong' reaction has put it in a place where saying well; yeah this is the case, would be jumping in front of a freight train of baggage.

If a kid is so obsessed with candles as to be an issue, I would first ask what contact, and reason they have for the contact. What makes it appealing; figuring out whether it is a boundary issue because it has been made forbidden, or whether it is a desirability issue because it is a part of family life.