Children and manners...

[cybele]

Manners are one of my little sticking points, and I read an article today regarding adults and manners, so I thought I would go on a hunt for one regarding children, and this one in particular caught my eye:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2243883/Grandmothers-blame-lazy-parenting-childrens-rudeness-lack-table-manners.html[/url]

A decline in traditions like sitting down to eat dinner together and using common courtesies such as 'excuse me' stems from lazy parenting, according to a survey of grandmothers.

The survey revealed a few glimmers of hope, with most children still using common courtesies 'please' and 'thank you.'
However just 37 per cent of children today say 'excuse me', before interrupting someone, a disappointment to the 82 per cent of grandmothers polled who did so during their childhood.
Meanwhile, the number of children writing thank-you letters has dropped dramatically, from 86 per forced to do so when grandparents were young to just 35 per cent today.

I realise these statistics are gathered from polling grandmothers, however I think we can all agree that the frequency of people in general using manners has declined.

Do you prompt your children to use manners?
Do you eat meals at the table together?
Do your children write thank-you notes?
Are there consequences in your household for not using manners?

 

[mom2many]

My kids are really good with the 'please' and 'thank-you's'. Every once and a while they need a prompt, especially during a shy moment. Kailyn is a manners queen, she has no problem sneezing, and tell you to say bless you, if your forget.

We eat together, but not always at the table.

thank-you notes we are bad about. We say thank you, but don't really write thank you letters. I'm not sure why, other then I usually just forget.

No consequences. I try to model manners and feel punishing for it is going to far.

 

[akmom]

I agree. My kids are expected to use please, thank you, and sorry. Haven't really modeled "excuse me" very much... honestly, I don't think it's a very common one around here. Kind of like "yes ma'am" in the south is a big deal, but you don't really here it up here, so I don't push for it.

We do eat at the table, when we're home. The baby uses a high chair. Not sure where else you'd eat...

My children LOVE writing thank you notes. I have them dictate what they want to say, then I write it down for them to copy, and after that they can decorate the extra space with pictures and stickers as they please. It's always a major art project. When they were babies, I'd write it for them and let them scribble around it with a crayon.

No, we don't "punish" for forgetting manners, just remind them. If they're being rude, that is punished.

ETA: I used to read the Miss Manners column by Judith Martin. Not sure what happened to it, but it had some goodies! She has excellent phrasing advice.

 

[stjohnjulie]

Where I live, it is customary to greet anyone you speak to, or make eye contact with, with a "good morning/afternoon/night" before you say anything else. And a lot of times, if you do not open with saying it first, you will get ignored. Locals usually cut it to a "mornin', afternoon', g'd night" My little guy is awesome about doing this. Except he usually just says 'mornin!" no matter what time of day it is.

Not good on the 'excuse me' Usually when that is said around our house it has an entirely different affect/meaning!

I have always been a fan of the thank you note. I don't do it as much as I used to, but still try to do it and have my older one do it as well.

I would say that I notice that a lot of people just don't use common courtesies like they used to. I see it all the time with the people who come into my store. I am sometimes shocked at how outright rude some people can be. And it's usually the entire family, mom, dad, and all of their kids. So I agree with M2M, modeling manners is probably a key factor.

 

[cybele]

We probably don't use as much manners at home, unless my grandmother is over of course, in public however, my kids know that they are expected to use 'excuse me' 'please' and 'thank you'.

At home anyone who is there is required to sit around the table for dinners, the reason I particularly asked that question is because we often have other kids over at our place, we have a pretty open door policy and I will feed anyone who is there, but many of them have commented that the act of sitting around a table and eating together is new to them and for many the norm is to just take their plate to their rooms or to the study or whatever, which is a strange concept for my kids because it has never been that way with us.

When the situation calls for it we do the handwritten note, and if the situation calls for it there are mild 'punishments' for bed manners. A recent example is the elderly woman next door who Sunny helps out, she went shopping and decided to buy Sunny a little thank you gift, it was a pair of earrings, nothing fancy, but still lovely of her, and very much to Sunny's taste (dangly ice cream cones) that were popped into our mailbox with a little card, I advised Sunny that she should write a thank you, and she agreed, however she decided to drag her feet with it, so in the end I told her that she could not wear the earrings until she has thanked our neighbour correctly. She wasn't too happy about it, but after it was done, she agreed that it would have been wrong to wear them without thanking her.

I would say that I notice that a lot of people just don't use common courtesies like they used to. I see it all the time with the people who come into my store. I am sometimes shocked at how outright rude some people can be.

I am amazed by this at work too, someone will approach the register, slam a $10 note down and announce "I NEED CHANGE!"
Well, hello to you too.

 

[singledad]

Do you prompt your children to use manners?

I used to, it is becoming less and less necessary, though. Here, it is customary to great (or at least acknowledge with a nod and a smile) everyone you cross paths with, and if you are go to speak to someone, you greet the person and ask how he/she is first. My DD has picked it up. She pretty good with please and thank you these days, although excuse me is still a work in progress.

Do you eat meals at the table together?

Yes, at the kitchen counter - not the table, but we still sit down together. I'm pretty serious about table manners. I see not teaching a child proper table manners as doing the child a disservice - one day that child will be in a position where table manners are required, and not knowing them then will only result in humiliation.

Do your children write thank-you notes?

She doesn't write yet! LOL. TO be honest, though, I'm not big on thank-you notes. I prefer to call someone or thank them face to fact - verbally. On some occasions I might send out an e-mail. The only time I can remember sending hand-written thank-you notes was after my wedding - we had post-cards made with a wedding picture, and wrote thank-you notes on the back.

Are there consequences in your household for not using manners?

Sometimes, depending on the circumstances. Not punishment per se, but things like if you want a shot at getting a "yes" answer, you had better add "Please", because if you don't, the answer is an automatic "no".

What I find slightly ironic, is this bit:

<SIZE size="100">Many of those polled agreed that good manners are taught by example, and blamed today's laissez-faire parenting attitudes</SIZE>

If good manners are taught by example, that would mean these bad-mannered children's parents aren't modeling good manners. So it can be argued the real failure was with these grand-parents. After all, if they taught their kids so well, why aren't said kids modeling good manners to their own children?

 

[TabascoNatalie]

If good manners are taught by example, that would mean these bad-mannered children's parents aren't modeling good manners. So it can be argued the real failure was with these grand-parents. After all, if they taught their kids so well, why aren't said kids modeling good manners to their own children?

Different generations -- different manners. My grandmother thinks it is rude for a woman to wear trousers to church. :angry:

 

[cybele]

My Dad still thinks that the only women who wear jeans are prostitutes, he almost had a heart attack when he came over when Dita was 2 or 3 and she was wearing jeans.

 

[Mom2all]

<I>Do you prompt your children to use manners?</I> Yes

<I>Do you eat meals at the table together?</I> Always ...except football Sundas

<I>Do your children write thank-you notes?</I> Never.. I am horrible at remembering this.

<I>Are there consequences in your household for not using manners?</I>

This is the hard one. Sean and I come from very different areas. We have different opinions on what "manners" are. 3 of my children came to me when they were older.. hence raised quite differently. My other 3 have been with me from birth.... "yes mam", "No sir", "May I?" and the like have been drummed into them. If I call one of them, and they answer with a "What" or "Yeah?", I'd lose my mind. If I hear it from one of the other three... I find myself gritting my teeth and letting it go. I'm at a loss on how to fix this, because my darling doesn't seem to care that they refrain from it. :huh: What to do with that????

 

[TabascoNatalie]

That's interesting.
We don't do the "sir" thing. One of the things completely foreign to me (english isn't my first language). Sounds like addressing a stranger.
Well, i know the difference between formal and informal. But always thought that formal is not for family.

 

[Amarna]

Do you prompt your children to use manners?

If necessary yes, DD is usually pretty good about saying please and thank you and she says bless you when someone sneezes. But the excuse me's she needs to be reminded of constantly because she's always very excitable and is so hyper.

Do you eat meals at the table together?

I try to. But my husband comes from a family where it's the norm to eat in front of the TV for every meal except for holidays so that's what he likes to do. I try to aim for dinner at the table and breakfast and lunch on the weekends at the table as well. But that doesn't always work unfortunately.

Do your children write thank-you notes?

Yes. I think this is a very important thing to do and try to encourage it with my kids. The baby is too young right now but DD will sign her name and tell me what she wants to say while I transcribe it and then she'll decorate it with drawings and stickers.

Are there consequences in your household for not using manners?

Not really, I try to lead by example and if DD forgets she gets a reminder. If however she is intentionally doing something that is rude there will be a consequence for that.

 

[momandmore]

I haven't read the article yet, but excuse me is one I am working on now with my 8yo son and my 6 and 4yo sds. I think manners show good character and well.. I'm sure we all want our kids to have them


Thank you for posting this!