Daughter cant say no to friends :(...

[aquariummagic]

My daughter (9) came home crying today, because she had given away over half of her new putty stuff that she loves to all her friends. I asked her why, and she said " I didnt want to say no" and that she wants it all back.
Im afraid shes letting herself get taken advantage of. Shes always making things and trying to give people stuff and im afraid she thinks she needs to for people to like her, and it breaks my heart.

 

[artmom]

Reminds of the manipulation I dealt with in my youth.

You can tell her that there is nothing wrong in voluntarily giving gifts to others, but it's not okay for someone to pressure her into giving things when she doesn't want to, and if they are true friends, these kids won't mind. If they are not real friends, she will know quickly when she stops handing over favourite items.

When my daughter was dealing with a manipulator it was really bad at first. This was a chance to teach her about bad relationships and manipulation, that can happen in friendships.

 

[PracticalParent]

You could probably help by giving her some alternatives that don't feel like saying no. Such as loaning it out, trading it, offering to have a play date with it, share it at school, etc.

 

[artmom]

You could probably help by giving her some alternatives that don't feel like saying no. Such as loaning it out, trading it, offering to have a play date with it, share it at school, etc.

I used to fall for that when I was in school. No one ever returned anything of mine.
It would be a good idea, though, to invite those kids over for a play date. Then the mom can watch and observe what's going on.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Rule no.1 -- don't take things to school/yard/playground which you don't want to share or lose.

At that age i was on the opposite end -- if i really fancied something that my friends had that i couldn't, i sort of made clear what sort of birthday present i would like, or come up with some 'exchange deal'

 

[katherinep]

I used to be one of those people with desperate need for everyone to like me. I couldn't say no to my friends myself. but i grew out of it..