Daughter changed after deployment


New member
Feb 19, 2021
I recently returned from a six month deployment and I hardly recognize my 16 year old daughter. She dresses very provocatively, an often walks around the house topless. With her mothers permission, without my knowledge, she got a tongue stud and a lower back tattoo. Her mother put her on birth control as she is now sexually active with multiple partners. I found this out by accident. Last Saturday I woke up early to the sound of a car pulling up our gravel driveway and stopping fast. I got out of bed in time to see my daughter dressed in cut off shorts a bikini top and nothing else, not even flip flops, her phone in her back pocket, run out the front door. She got in a car with one other girl and several boys and took off. I asked her if she was using condoms and she said no because her boyfriends do not like the way they feel and none of the other girls use them either. Its like the girl I knew is completely gone. My wife is completely unconcerned and thinks I am worrying for nothing, that this is all part of growing up. I just can't make myself believe it. What should I do? What can I do to talk some sense into my daughter before she gets hurt bad?


Nov 9, 2020
Yikes, I don't have any advice for you other than maybe getting marriage counseling or something. I'm shocked and saddened that you and your wife have such a different view, and that your wife seems unconcerned with the fact that your daughter is putting herself at not only physical but also emotional risk. I think, above all, the two of you need to be on the same page raising your daughter.

I'm not the religious type but I'll wish good things for you and your daughter.

Also, if you're up to it and can stomache the results if they come up unfavorably, you could probably consider a paternity test. If the mother is allowing this sort of behavior of your daughter it's very possible she herself has done or is currently doing the same.

That said, obviously I don't know your wife, and there is something to be said about letting loose the reins (because teens will rebel) but my line of thinking is the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
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