Dealing with rumors...

[artmom]

Since my daughter has been swamped with different doctor appointments and we are going through some sort of throat infection/cold thing, she's missed a lot of school. But she has come across a couple of disturbing rumors some of her enemies have started amongst her friends. The most recent one being that she's pregnant. It's completely ridiculous, as her guidance counselor told her. However, it's still making her afraid to go back to school (she's there today and that's when we brought it to the attention of the guidance counselor. But she does not want to go back there. She has had a difficult year at this school all because of 2 girls. She says the other kids in other grades stare at her chest and her bottom ( she is a very conservative dresser: wears regular T-shirts, and lots of layers, long pants or long shorts. But she was a very early developer and is quite curvy.). It's to the point that she wants to switch to another school.
I'm conflicted about this. I want her to be comfortable and be able to focus on her education, while being surrounded by peers who respect her and are accepting of her. At the same time, I don't want to teach that running or hiding from issues are the solution or that the problems will go away. I'm also apprehensive of her switching because she will be the new kid, with the strange style, and she will have a harder time fitting in. At least with her current school, she's surrounded by people who have known her since grade 4. But I don't want her to have another bad year next year. She needs a fresh start without the baggage from this year. She only has one more year at this school before she starts going to the big high school. I'm so conflicted.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Did you try talking to teachers about this?

 

[artmom]

We talked to the guidance counselor and he said he will get to the bottom of it and talk to the girls who are behind the rumors. It's always the same girls. One of them has been suspended 6 times this year.

 

[marrykerry77]

<t>Only teachers can actually change the situation. When I was a schoolgirl our teachers and school counselors organized special meetings to talk to us about some of the students’ health and family problems and complications. And it worked! The majority of the kids was ready to support and help each other no matter what. Everything depends on the behavior and attitude of your teachers.</t>

 

[mom2many]

Switching schools really won't do a lot, kids of that age can be assholes, that's just the reality of the situation. She needs to work on herself and maybe even gain some confidence, truthfully, those who are perceived as weak are the ones that get picked on, kids have a gang mentality and they will find the weakness....and of course the same can be said of the bullies. Makes me glad I am not that age again.

I had my appendix removed when I was in about the 10th grade, missed quite a bit of school. At the same time a close family friend had a baby, when I went back to visit my friends I had the baby with me and EVERYONE thought he was mine, and nothing I said changed that so whatever. In truth his mom was into drugs so I took care of him and his sister,, once people realized I didn't care what they said (I really didn't) the rumors stopped.

Teach her to hold her head high, be comfortable in her curves and to now care what others say and she will see a difference.

 

[artmom]

Thank you, mom2many.
She is currently working on herself and seriously scrutinizing who she allows to hang around with her. She doesn't have many friends anymore, that is really putting a damper on her self-confidence, but she is trying to push through and change her perspective on the benefits of being socially alone. I don't have many friends, myself, never have and I think she notices and sees that I'm getting along just fine with few to no friends. But at the same time it's just not something she's personally used to. Just last weekend, her old best-friend messaged me on fb asking if she and her sister could borrow a video game. I declined offering to loan out any games and that they were welcoming to come up to play some video games at our place. She said "okay" but never showed up. This was a clear realization for my kid that this ex-friend may have been using her.