Fiances (F) ex-husband opted into sending my Step-Son back to school but didn't tell us it was optional


New member
Jan 14, 2021
Hello all! Hope everyone is having a good day.

We are expecting my first/her second child within literally four days (excited/nervous does not come close to describing how I feel right now), my partners ex(Joint custody agreement), without speaking to her, opted to send his 7 year old son back to school, even while the pandemic is getting worse.

This worries us for a bunch of reasons. 1) I worry my step-son will get badly sick with one of these news strains.
2) I worry that my step son won't get sick but will bring back something from school that will make our infant daughter sick.
3) My step-son has already had covid once because of the ex and his partners ridiculous taking him to large parties and then holding a 30 body party for him for his birthday last month, while painting us as the bad guy parents who won't let him do anything fun or have big parties for him.

We aren't really sure how to tackle this situation. The ex misled my fiance into thinking that going back to in-person school was mandatory, when in reality he broke the joint custody agreement by making an executive parenting decision on his own without my fiances consent and lied to us.

The school staff are also very unhelpful in that they seem to hold my fiance in contempt while treating the father like a saint. They don't CC my fiance in on all emails they send in regards to her son. They are enabling a breach of the joint custody agreement.

How should we move forward in a way that is best for my step-son? I've been a part of his life for almost 4 years now, I want him to be able to go back to school, to be with his friends and learn is a less distracting environment, but I'm also worried that, because of the pandemic, him going back to school right now, is too early and dangerous, for him, us and baby, until we've had the vaccines, who knows when that will be?

If actually getting the virus is not enough for my fiances ex to see sense, how can we get him to take our concerns seriously without us essentially banning my step-son from meeting his new sister for three months because his dad doesn't know how to wear a mask, social distance and not throw their own kid straight back out into the pandemic the first chance they get?

TL:DR Covid is still a problem. Newborn on the way, partners ex lied to us about in-person school being optional for my step son, massive covid risk to us, step child and baby if he goes back now. Partners ex has already had covid in his household because he acts like a denier. Advice please?


Nov 9, 2020
Has your fiance contacted a lawyer/the lawyer she used when breaking off with her ex? I'm no legal expert but I would imagine breaking the custody agreement would be grounds for legal intervention.

I think you and your fiance should start there and see what your options are.