Our son is twelve and last year made the switch from private to public school. He was always a difficult child, and we have always been firm believers in time out, we make him sit in a chair in the corner, for 5-20 minutes depending on the offense. Wondering if any other parents use time outs for their twelve year olds and its effectiveness?
Giving our son time outs...
- Thread starter asunnyday
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I used time outs for years with my kid. She's 14 now and sometimes a time out is a good way to tell her to go somewhere and cool off, then we can talk about the issue. It gives me a chance to collect my thoughts and gain a bit of perspective so I can talk and listen to her effectively. There are other disciplinary techniques I used that would fit the crime, all non-physical, of course. I use groundings (which are really one, very long time outs.) sparingly as she is pretty good most of the time. I haven't doled out a grounding for a couple years.
I like to nip bad behaviour in the bud just as it's developing, quickly, with a stern lecture. I try not to blow my top and have a temper tantrum, myself, as it's counteractive and hypocritical.
I like to nip bad behaviour in the bud just as it's developing, quickly, with a stern lecture. I try not to blow my top and have a temper tantrum, myself, as it's counteractive and hypocritical.
The purpose of any punishment is to provide a corrective learning experience. In light of that understanding, what do you believe you are teaching your 12 year old with the "Time out" technique? What do you believe his take away from that is?
There's a lot more unsaid but alluded to in your description: Him "Always being difficult", and going from Private school to PS...and how he handled all that. You guys have had long term problems, which might require a more professional approach...are you all in therapy?
The short answer to your question is that "Time out" is basically psychobabble for removing a child (usually a very young one) from a situation that is over stimulating to them so they (and you!) can regain composure. For older kids...over, say, 9..and certainly by 12....I wouldn't refer to it as a "Time out" as it is initializing, condescending, humiliating, and antagonistic...even though the actual suggestion is a good one. Rather, I'd suggest they "Take some time" and think things over, or I'd suggest they "Chill in their room", etc. Semantics matter.
To be effective,any punishment needs to provide a corrective learning experience. For that to happen, the parents response needs to be targeted to the behavior as well as the developmental issues of the child. If your son doesn't respond to the "Time out" suggestion, try modifying it just a bit so it doesn't sound so humiliating to an almost teen...and if it still doesn't work, really consider getting some professional help here...before he becomes and actual teenager and the issues (and his responses) increase in an order of magnitude that will really make things intolerable.
There's a lot more unsaid but alluded to in your description: Him "Always being difficult", and going from Private school to PS...and how he handled all that. You guys have had long term problems, which might require a more professional approach...are you all in therapy?
The short answer to your question is that "Time out" is basically psychobabble for removing a child (usually a very young one) from a situation that is over stimulating to them so they (and you!) can regain composure. For older kids...over, say, 9..and certainly by 12....I wouldn't refer to it as a "Time out" as it is initializing, condescending, humiliating, and antagonistic...even though the actual suggestion is a good one. Rather, I'd suggest they "Take some time" and think things over, or I'd suggest they "Chill in their room", etc. Semantics matter.
To be effective,any punishment needs to provide a corrective learning experience. For that to happen, the parents response needs to be targeted to the behavior as well as the developmental issues of the child. If your son doesn't respond to the "Time out" suggestion, try modifying it just a bit so it doesn't sound so humiliating to an almost teen...and if it still doesn't work, really consider getting some professional help here...before he becomes and actual teenager and the issues (and his responses) increase in an order of magnitude that will really make things intolerable.
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I think giving a child "time out" whenever he/she is being hard headed is normal. My son who is 5 is not an exception. Me and my wife have been giving him "time outs" like facing the wall for 5 minutes whenever he does something bad. That way, he would know that he did something wrong or he was being hard headed. The thing is, we as parents have to be consistent on these kinds of things and although we punish them when they do something wrong, we also reward them when they do something right (not necessarily material things) like giving them a hug or telling them they did a good job. At the end of the day, it's all about explaining to them why he/she was punished or rewarded so that they would know the difference between right and wrong.
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For more information about positive parenting please check this website:
http://babycareweekly.com/positive-parenting-through-toddler-tantrums[/URL]