Grumpy kids...

[akmom]

My oldest daughter is going through a grumpy phase. Any time I ask her to do something, or announce plans, I get an eye roll and an exasperated sigh. It's really starting to get on my nerves. I understand that it is summer, and she's been out of school for a whole week. School days are very structured and busy. I've been trying to keep the kids busy and make sure they always have something constructive to do. But my daughter is just so picky. No matter how fun it is, she just doesn't "feel like it." But she isn't tired enough for a nap either. She just wants to complain that everything we do is unsatisfying to her. Finally today I sent her outside with a book to read and a milkshake. It's lovely outside, she made a lot of progress on that book last week, and everyone likes milkshakes. Well she didn't feel like it, she didn't want to read that book right now, and she didn't want that flavor of milkshake. I said too bad, and explained to her that sometimes you just have to go ahead and do things, even if you don't feel like it, because you'll end up enjoying it. I don't know how else to get her out of this funk. I mean, if she was initiating her own play, I'd let her be. But she pretty much just follows me around all day complaining about various things.

How do you get kids to get engaged in things? When my husband is home, he just puts whiny kids to work. So they keep those feelings to themselves when he's home. I try to play with them. But I'm just not getting good results. (For example, I played a game of Battleship with my daughter this morning, and she just got frustrated when she couldn't find my boats and accused me of cheating. Then she quit so she could peek.) I'm getting a little worn out with her shooting down all my ideas.

She's 6 and just finished first grade.

 

[cybele]

Does she have any ideas of things she wants to do?

 

[akmom]

She wanted to play Battleship. She likes to ride her bike, but comes back in after a few minutes. She likes to do crafts, but that requires that I first go hunting for all her crayons and supplies, because she always forgets to put them away when she's done. She gives up when I tell her to look for them.

She tried to catch a wild rabbit today, and got frustrated that she couldn't. Actually a lot of stuff she wants to do is like that... impossible or impractical. She will come back inside after a short time and expect me to provide some entertainment, but doesn't like any of my ideas. I don't understand why. I always played when I was a kid; I never ran out of ideas for entertaining myself. My younger kids play all the time. My two-year-old will play with her blankets if she wakes up before I retrieve her from a nap, and gets fairly entertained... I find her laughing and talking to the animal pictures. My son made a bow and arrow with hangers and a broom handle the last time he was alone in his room without toys. They never complain. I don't know how to facilitate that with my oldest.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Don't they play together? Age difference is not that big.

Maybe in schoolyear, her life is overstructured and she doesn't know how to amuse herself?
Or... She just misses your company and wants to hang around. Maybe do some household work together? Something that wouldn't result in her "failing"

 

[akmom]

Yeah... housework isn't a big hit here. Whether it's on her own, or with me or her siblings, I'd just like to see her enjoy something instead of complaining all the time. I think she's getting into a rut where complaining is her knee-jerk reaction to EVERYTHING.

 

[mom2many]

I thought you were talking about a teen lol

When my children complain I just ignore it, unless they say they are bored...then I find something for them to do. There is never a reason for a kid to complain they are bored.

 

[cybele]

When my kids tell me thst they're bored I tell them that I can find something to do that is really boring, or they can find something themselves.

They don't often take me up on the boring activity. I did get Sunny to clean the cracks in the path where grass grew with a screwdriver once though. That was pretty funny.

 

[akmom]

Hahaha... I was thinking more along the lines of how to make her have a happier outlook, not get even! I could have her clean cracks with a screwdriver, and she'd do it, but she'd pout the whole time and that's kind of what I hate. Then we'd both be miserable!

Right now I'm trying to establish a "one complaint per minute" rule and hold her to it. If she thinks of a second complaint, she has to wait a whole minute to tell me. It's what I used to do when she was younger and asked me constant questions. I told her "one question per minute," so she'd have to think about what she really wanted to ask and I'd actually have time to think about it and respond meaningfully. We'll see, I guess.

 

[babybibsplus]

Put her in some type of sport or activity outside of school and the house, such as soccer, gymnastics, karate, dance. Get her involved in something that will keep her busy and give her something to look forward to and be with kid's her age and meet new people.