Here is an article by author Michael Gene with some information on why and how to go about it:
Teach Your Kids How To Approach Sexuality Responsibly
Talking to them early and candidly can lead to better outcomes
by MICHAEL GENE
Imagine your kids becoming sexually active later, having fewer partners, and avoiding negative consequences like disease, unwanted pregnancy, and regret; and instead, experiencing positive outcomes, communicating openly with their partner, being prepared, and enjoying themselves responsibly. According to author Peggy Orenstein in a TED Radio Hour segment entitled “How Should We Talk To Our Kids About Sex?” a survey of 300 randomly selected girls from a Dutch and American University showed that this was how many of the Dutch girls described their early experience of sex, whereas the American girls did not. What led to the big difference between the girls? The Dutch girls said that they were talked to from an early age candidly about sex, pleasure, and mutal trust by their doctors, teachers, and parents.
In the article “The Case for Comprehensive Sex Ed” by Bonnie J. Rough published in The Atlantic, it is stated that as of 2018, fewer than half of U.S. schools require that students receive information about human sexuality. Without schools providing consistent sex education and information from doctors likely to be fairly infrequent, it becomes imperative for parents to tackle this task. Of course, the thought of this makes most of us parents cringe, but if having these talks with our kids will benefit them, then it is certainly worth giving it a try. So just how do we go about it?
When talking with their kids about sex, many parents focus on the negative aspects and warn against having sex, getting pregnant, and getting a disease. But Dutch parents are more likely to focus on the positive aspects and teach how to balance responsibility with joy. Also, talking about sex is best done over time with lots of little talks instead of trying to cover everything in one big talk. So relax, take your time, and leave room for your child to ask questions. Below are a few more tips to help parents empower their kids to approach sexuality responsibly:
• Neither of you is in another relationship
• You will have the privacy you deserve in a place that is safe and comfortable
• You have a plan incase an unintended pregnancy happens
• You know that you can change your mind at any time and that there are other types of sexual contact that can still be satisfying and be safer than intercourse
• You understand that this new activity may be very exciting, but you still need to focus on taking care of your other responsibilities
• You and your partner are mature enough to responsibly honor the three must knows before having sex: there is no pressure to do it, there is protection against disease, and there is protection against pregnancy
MICHAEL GENE is the author of Big Little Talks: A Sex-positive Approach For Parenting.
Teach Your Kids How To Approach Sexuality Responsibly
Talking to them early and candidly can lead to better outcomes
by MICHAEL GENE
Imagine your kids becoming sexually active later, having fewer partners, and avoiding negative consequences like disease, unwanted pregnancy, and regret; and instead, experiencing positive outcomes, communicating openly with their partner, being prepared, and enjoying themselves responsibly. According to author Peggy Orenstein in a TED Radio Hour segment entitled “How Should We Talk To Our Kids About Sex?” a survey of 300 randomly selected girls from a Dutch and American University showed that this was how many of the Dutch girls described their early experience of sex, whereas the American girls did not. What led to the big difference between the girls? The Dutch girls said that they were talked to from an early age candidly about sex, pleasure, and mutal trust by their doctors, teachers, and parents.
In the article “The Case for Comprehensive Sex Ed” by Bonnie J. Rough published in The Atlantic, it is stated that as of 2018, fewer than half of U.S. schools require that students receive information about human sexuality. Without schools providing consistent sex education and information from doctors likely to be fairly infrequent, it becomes imperative for parents to tackle this task. Of course, the thought of this makes most of us parents cringe, but if having these talks with our kids will benefit them, then it is certainly worth giving it a try. So just how do we go about it?
When talking with their kids about sex, many parents focus on the negative aspects and warn against having sex, getting pregnant, and getting a disease. But Dutch parents are more likely to focus on the positive aspects and teach how to balance responsibility with joy. Also, talking about sex is best done over time with lots of little talks instead of trying to cover everything in one big talk. So relax, take your time, and leave room for your child to ask questions. Below are a few more tips to help parents empower their kids to approach sexuality responsibly:
- Start Talks Early: When your children are as young as preschool age, you can begin by naming body parts accurately and teaching them about personal boundaries and privacy.
- Teach Them How Babies Are Born: If it makes it easier, maybe use an example of how puppies are born.
- Explain Puberty: Lots of changes happen emotionally and physically during this time, so be there to answer any questions and assure them that you went through it, too.
- Let Them Know it is Okay to Feel Pleasure: Sexual activity brings pleasure which is natural and one of the wonderful parts of human experience.
- Teach The Importance of Consent: Deciding to have sex is a very personal decision and others have the same right to decide for themselves. No one should ever be forced or pressured into sex.
- Warn Against the Risks: There are real risks in having sex and it is important that they know how to protect against disease, pregnancy, and being pressured into sex.
- Highlight the Social and Emotional Aspects: In addition to physical risk, they need to know that having sex brings out a lot of emotions and social responsibilities. This is why it is best to wait before having sex until they have matured and become adults.
- Keeping Up On Responsibilities: Being in a sexual relationship can be exciting and overwhelming but it is important that they keep up on other responsibilities.
- Avoid Unhealthy Sexuality: Warn them against the dangers of sharing nude photos, online predators, and the unrealistic and unhealthy aspects of pornography.
- Different Beliefs: Help them understand that others may believe differently about what constitutes as appropriate behavior when it comes to sex. It is important to be respectful yet find out what is right for themselves.
- A Pre-Sex Checklist: Before they decide to become sexually active, go through this list with them:
• Neither of you is in another relationship
• You will have the privacy you deserve in a place that is safe and comfortable
• You have a plan incase an unintended pregnancy happens
• You know that you can change your mind at any time and that there are other types of sexual contact that can still be satisfying and be safer than intercourse
• You understand that this new activity may be very exciting, but you still need to focus on taking care of your other responsibilities
• You and your partner are mature enough to responsibly honor the three must knows before having sex: there is no pressure to do it, there is protection against disease, and there is protection against pregnancy
MICHAEL GENE is the author of Big Little Talks: A Sex-positive Approach For Parenting.