how much does a 13 year old really NEED to know about sex.....

[willow44]

Me and my SO have opened our house to his friend and his daughter for a couple of months (hopefully no longer).
Daughter is 13 and a very intelligent young person. Father is a pompus know it all that feels he wants his daughter to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. Even if it is about someones personal sex life (like OURS)!!!

They have been staying here a month already...she only stays here on the weekends as her mother has custody during the week.

My SO is on the road and doesn't get to come home but for a few days a week out of the month...

We politely and DISCRETELY asked the father if he could make plans to take his daughter out to a movie or dinner the next evening so me and my SO could have some quality time alone...... we didn't say why...and just left it at that...

So he happilly obliged and took his daughter out for a few hours one evening...

The NEXT evening I get an email from him saying this..
"I am glad you were able to have the time and was truly pleased that you took me up on my offer to give you your home on request. I certainly understand the time pressures *****'s gig and kids place upon your relationship and just want you to know **** and I can always find something to do should you so desire.

I hope this amuses rather than embarrasses, but I do try to keep *** informed about the reasons behind everything I do; I'm sure you've seen some of the great rapport and trust this yields. I did tell her that our giving you space was in part to allow you to have noisy sex if you wanted.

She's pretty smart so she already figured that one out."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!
WHY did he feel the need to divulge this information to his 13 year old child..

this is the same man that tells her to come to him with her friends stories of sex..whether its manual or oral or what ever...he wants to know and will give her advice on what to tell them..

Ewwwww.

I am sickened by this person and the lack of respect he has for OUR discretion and privacy..
and the fact he loves to share juicy details with is daughter makes it worse...
what to I do..
Who can I report him to if I suspect its gone too far?

 

[mom2many]

As a mom of 8, starting at 19 and going down to 1....that 13 year old probably figured it out on her own, and I can only assume she said something and the dad...not embarrassed by the topic of sex felt no reason to hide the truth.

I know my kids tell me things about their friends...although I sometimes wished they wouldn't, but they do cause they are secure in our relationship and if they hear something that seems questionable they ask, it's the only way they learn the truth. The only thing I find a little sketchy is that he wants to hear this info. Even knowing this I see nothing, so far, that needs or warrants being reported.

 

[BrissyMumma]

As a mom of 8, starting at 19 and going down to 1....that 13 year old probably figured it out on her own, and I can only assume she said something and the dad...not embarrassed by the topic of sex felt no reason to hide the truth.

I know my kids tell me things about their friends...although I sometimes wished they wouldn't, but they do cause they are secure in our relationship and if they hear something that seems questionable they ask, it's the only way they learn the truth. The only thing I find a little sketchy is that he wants to hear this info. Even knowing this I see nothing, so far, that needs or warrants being reported.

I'd have to say i do agree.
My parents were very open with myself and siblings and we got curious and even figured things out for ourselves and then no one had to tippy toe around things like sex. Yay for cluey kids lol

 

[void]

Well 13 is the year where the child will begin to want sex because of puberty.
So you should tell him everything. There is really no reason why he shouldn't know.

 

[sbattisti]

I do lean towards him (dad) being kind more clueless about the fact that you would be offended than, say, being a bad person.

I'm kinda torn, because on the one hand it WAS a little creepy. On the other hand, isn't that sort of openness with our children what we strive for? I know that, for whatever reason, I couldn't have that sort of conversation with my son without absurd levels of awkwardness.

Actually, the only creepy thing about what you mentioned was the bit about getting stories from her friends. The rest of it . . . if he hadn't TOLD you that he'd said that to his daughter, you wouldn't have even known about it.

Anyway, again, I lean towards him being a well-meaning sort who just is a little peculiar. If you really feel the need to say something, I'd say it kindly, something like, "I appreciate the fact that you have a very open relationship with your daughter, but I'm a pretty private person, and I felt kind of awkward and embarrassed about what you said to your daughter..." or some such...

Good luck!

 

[willow44]

Thank you...I did talk with him and said exactly that...I do not feel he needs to share OUR sex life with his daughter and that it does embarrass me. There is a comfort level here that he has crossed by telling ME that he told her we were having "noisy Sex"....
We use discretion and so should he.....
He understood and apologized...
THEN proceeded to tell me about how he told his daughter the story of how she was conceived while he and his wife were having a FORESOME!!!! His point being that he wanted his daughter to know that information also..and that he holds NOTHING back from her..

Sigh...

 

[NancyM]

I'm sorry but I find this to be extreamly abnormal. At first I thought ok it's a little odd but maybe he has a different lifestyle or upbringing, but when he wants to here lurid sex stories from his little girl about her friends! That's just out right weird. How does he know her friends are having sex?

 

[NancyM]

Thank you...I did talk with him and said exactly that...I do not feel he needs to share OUR sex life with his daughter and that it does embarrass me. There is a comfort level here that he has crossed by telling ME that he told her we were having "noisy Sex"....
We use discretion and so should he.....
He understood and apologized...
THEN proceeded to tell me about how he told his daughter the story of how she was conceived while he and his wife were having a FORESOME!!!! His point being that he wanted his daughter to know that information also..and that he holds NOTHING back from her..

Sigh...

Again...he crossed way over the line in my opinion. A Foresome? If I were her I might think ....how do I know your my father and not the other guy engaging my mother??...

I cringe because I just realized he must have been telling her this stuff ever since she was born. That poor kid. Imagine having to walk around every day knowing every single aspect of your parents sex encounters.

Not healthy at all.

Willow44, may I ask you what this little girl is like, I mean her personality. Do you notice anything odd about her? (besides having an odd ball father)

 

[willow44]

Her personality is one of just like her fathers...She has taken on so many aspects of him. She is VERY intelligent and actually a little cocky about it..( like her dad). She is not shy and is pretty forthright about things that she says as her father has taught her that it is perfectly fine to not hold anything back that you are feeling...although she also is a spoiled bratt as well.
She participates in MANY activities in school and has a huge social circle of course. She does dress provocative though as for 13 she is VERY well endowed and has not a problem wearing low cut sweaters, especiallly when our oldest boy comes to stay. ....
Dad is proud of her and she is proud of her dad. They have quite an interesting friendship going.

 

[Antoinette]

i think its a little strange too. not the fact that they share things but more about how far he takes it. a 13 year old doesn't have to know about foursomes or about noisy sex.. they just need to know the basics.

 

[willow44]

I agree...its creepy...and the details he shares with her are just too much for ME to even want to know..Just too much information. Ewwwww

 

[NancyM]

Yikes. Interesting to say the least!

 

[Xero]

My mom shared a lot of unecessary details with us sometimes lol, but not when we were 13! I mean, 16+ yeah she said some stuff but geez. And even then we didn't really care to hear it haha...

I wouldn't call it child abuse or anything, but I do think its a little creepy and rediculous. I mean, really he's just being a perv, and if it were me I would constantly point that out to him. Whether she's smart enough to know or not, the fact that he's sharing the dirty details with her is really perverted and inappropriate and those are just two things you really don't want to be knowingly doing with your own (pretty dang young) child. Just what I'm thinking though.

 

[Antoinette]

i think i was 15 when mum told me how i was conceived but i think it was a question we had to ask for health class or something... i was conceived in the back of a station wagon LOL how typical....

i don't think that is the kind of thing you need to share with your 13 year old daughter for no particular reason though... especially with the situation it was.