How to handle difficulties stemming from BioDad...
- Thread starter eggman
- Start date
You do need to adjust your expectations.
He's 13, it can be a trying age to begin with, so you need to learn to not take things personally.
My suggestion is house rules with very clear consequences spelled out for him, something you and mom agree on and then present to him. Just because he's 'at that age' doesn't mean he get's away with it. One thing this will do is make you not seem like the bad guy cause what you expect of him has been decided as a family. You can even get him involved in what the consequences will be.
And therapy would be a good idea, as a family and individually. It can be really hard to blend families.
He's 13, it can be a trying age to begin with, so you need to learn to not take things personally.
My suggestion is house rules with very clear consequences spelled out for him, something you and mom agree on and then present to him. Just because he's 'at that age' doesn't mean he get's away with it. One thing this will do is make you not seem like the bad guy cause what you expect of him has been decided as a family. You can even get him involved in what the consequences will be.
And therapy would be a good idea, as a family and individually. It can be really hard to blend families.
The house rules thing is something my partner and I have discussed, I've also discussed with my partner a need for her to be more assertive at times. We try to include him in discussions on things, like bedtimes over the school holidays we all talked about a suitable time for him and came to an agreement, and we got him to take part in coming up with a list of chores for him to do to earn certain privileges like internet use. Some things he has taken fairly well. I suppose the problem is every so often he sees his dad for a weekend of a holiday and when he comes back there is a noticeable difference, like he has had a top up of seeing crappy behaviour and is imitating it.
I guess I know I have to be more patient and understanding, but I guess it is hard not to feel hurt at being underlined so easily. Thanks for the response. I'll try and scale back what I expect.
I guess I know I have to be more patient and understanding, but I guess it is hard not to feel hurt at being underlined so easily. Thanks for the response. I'll try and scale back what I expect.
Yes, T.H.E.R.A.P.Y. I don't think you can do this all by yourselves. These aren't just "Behaviours", they're more ingrained experiences and emotions he's acting on, with an unfortunate limitation posed by his ADHD (if that is the accurate diagnosis).
Although I agree about family rules...every family needs those...I think you need to do some preliminary work not so much on the "Rules" side of it, but the "Family" side of it. Have you all ever sat down...even over dinner...and just talk about your little family? Do you do corny yet highly effective things like have "Game night" where you play board games? How about going out to dinner? You know, things that foster emotional bonding. Do you guys kick a soccer ball around or go look at cars together?
I think this kid is struggling with a lot of very difficult issues...look at how torn up you are as an adult, imagine the effect it has on him. before you can expect him to accept the rules of your family, you have to make sure he buys into your family int he first place.
Although I agree about family rules...every family needs those...I think you need to do some preliminary work not so much on the "Rules" side of it, but the "Family" side of it. Have you all ever sat down...even over dinner...and just talk about your little family? Do you do corny yet highly effective things like have "Game night" where you play board games? How about going out to dinner? You know, things that foster emotional bonding. Do you guys kick a soccer ball around or go look at cars together?
I think this kid is struggling with a lot of very difficult issues...look at how torn up you are as an adult, imagine the effect it has on him. before you can expect him to accept the rules of your family, you have to make sure he buys into your family int he first place.