How to Make Divorce Less Painful for Kids?...

[Sophiequiew]

I have a 10 y.o. child and going through a very nasty divorce with my husband. We trying not to argue in front of our child and we already had a talk with him where I explained him that even if we won't be a couple anymore we still gonna be his parents, but he went so agressive over divorce... We have very difficult relationships with my spouse right now,  after he cheated on me it's hard to manage everything by myself, I hope we could manage some arrengment with him. I just don't know if I should talk about divorce details with him...Will be thankful for any response..

 

[Stanleyhor]

At this age kids already old enought that they're trying to understand the conflicts behind her parents’ separation. As you've said, teenagers may become angry and pissed of about a divorce and the changes it creates, not rare when they decide to blame one parent on consider both parents guilty for ruining marriage. It's important to don’t put kids in the middle of your divorce and maintain a healthy relationships.  Answer to all of his questions about divorce and try to let him undestand, that he still has both of his parents at his side.

 

[Stanleyhor]

Also, here's list of books for kids about divorce, that I highly recommend to check: 
1. "My Mom and Dad Don’t Live Together Anymore: A Drawing Book For Children of Separated or Divorced Parents by Judith Aron Rubin" (Magination Press, 2002). Allows kids to express their feelings through art. Ages 4-12
2. "What Can I Do? A Book for Children of Divorce by Danielle Lowry" (Magination Press, 2001). Offers resources to help children understand and sort out feelings they face over divorce. Ages 8-12

 

[Sophiequiew]

At this age kids already old enought that they're trying to understand the conflicts behind her parents’ separation. As you've said, teenagers may become angry and pissed of about a divorce and the changes it creates, not rare when they decide to blame one parent on consider both parents guilty for ruining marriage. It's important to don’t put kids in the middle of your divorce and maintain a healthy relationships.  Answer to all of his questions about divorce and try to let him undestand, that he still has both of his parents at his side.

Thank you very much for your advice! It's really hard to draw the line about what you can\can't speak about divorce during that kind of talk.  We were able to reach some agreements about divorce process with my husband (or I should say ex-husband from now on?). We decided to fill all divorce papers by using online service https://onlinedivorcer.com/ to save some money on college and make it less hard in financial plan.  Even if my kid is angry now, I hope he will understand in future that it's better to went through divorce other then living in unhappy marriage with cheating bastart. I'll try to maintain a healthy relationships with my ex for the sake of my child, I grew up without father so I know how rough can it be when you missing one of your parents.

 

[NatashaNen]

I came from a divorced family because my dad got into a relationship with another woman. My parents got divorced when we were still little, that was 15 years ago. It was hard on our part even if we never saw them fight in front of us. They explained to us why they got separated, and they asked us who we want to be with, and I chose my mom because I am closer to her than to my dad. But as time goes by, we eventually accepted the fact that they are never going back together again. So, I think what you can do is to always be there for your child. Don't let him feel neglected and explain to him why such things happen but of course, in a way that he will understand.