How to tell me son....

FooserX

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Jul 11, 2007
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My wife and I are getting a divorce.

She just popped it on me last week. One day cute fun I love you messages, the next "I want a divorce." I knew we had problems that were both our faults, but things still didn't seem do bad.

Anyway...it's gotten out of control...emotionally, financially...everything.

Knowing I will not be able to be a dad full time is killing me. I could vent for a while, but all I want to know is the best way to tell me son.

I would LIKE to tell him it's all mom's fault! lol....that she doesn't want to fix what is broken, and doesn't want to try...

but that probably doesn't do anyone any good. (except me!)

I don't know my future with him.

:'-(
 

ntbuddy

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Jan 26, 2008
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I've made a lot of mistakes and if I don't change my act I know that this will happen to us. I know that you're past the point of no return but I do know this:

1. NEVER put the blame on the other EVEN if it would be their fault.
2. Tell him that you and Mom love each other, that you love him and that you will always be there for him even if you're not around every day.
3. Don't fight in front of your son if at all possible.

John
 

musicmom

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Dec 4, 2007
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I had to do this. but..I have to help my son with homework so I'll be back in a few.
 

Kaytee

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Apr 9, 2007
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I truly am very sorry Fooser. I do hope that she is not an idiot about this and tries to keep Bradley away from you.
This must be very hard for you. I would seriously sit down with him and her and both of you need to tell him what is happening. I would also highly sugest you talk to her about it, as hard as that must be and find out what her plans are about Bradley.
 

musicmom

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Dec 4, 2007
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This was a touchy subject because my children thought they would never see their father again. I explained as a parent it was our job to protect them. We no longer wanted them to hear us argueing. We wanted them to know that we were going to try and be good friends. No matter what, he will always be your daddy and he can call everyday and you can see him anytime he wants to come and see you.
I asked if he had any questions but I could still see the look of panick in his face. I didn't tell them any of our adult problems. They didn't need to know. I just instilled that they were going to be safe, loved and cared for and probably better then before. I heldl up my end of the bargain but their father didn't his end. You are just going to have to show him you are there no matter what. If she fights you then you go to court, you petition first...show the courts you will go the distance. Do what you have to.
 

Kaytee

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Apr 9, 2007
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its hard to get to see a child when they are not biologically yours. If the mother wants to be a b@$^% then she can and there is not much anyone can say about it.
That is why I think it best to talk to her very calmly and find out her intentions
 

jtee

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Jun 24, 2007
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I wouldn't say anything until there is no doubt that it is going to happen (ie you, or she, have found another place to live).

I have known people who thought they wanted a divorce, but for whatever reason, just never could sign the papers. And besides, it sounds like you want to work it out.

And I've known many couples who joke years afterwards about how they don't know how they made it, but somehow they did. I'm talking about people who had serious problems, not just people who argue about who going to take out the trash, or leaving the toilet seat up.
 

Kim

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Apr 3, 2007
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So sorry Fooser!

1) Have you tried counselling?
2) My husband is my daughter's step-father, and if we ever got a divorce no matter how angry I was at him I would never keep Hannah from him (unless he was dangerous but I am assuming you are not.) You divorce spouses, not children. I don't know if she is a rational person, but I would just express to her how important it is that you keep a relationship with him. Even if you have to write her a letter or something to get her to listen.
 

fallon

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Jul 19, 2007
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I am sorry fooser. I think it would be best if you 2 decided the details before telling him...like if she is going to let you see him and how that will work. It would be horrible to make a bunch of promises that you won't be able to keep. I hope for Bradly that she doesn't try to cut you out of his life, it seems to me that you were a VERY positive force for him
 

Teresa

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Feb 2, 2007
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FIrst of all, I am VERY sorry, Fooser. I've been through this twice, and it's horrible for everyone. I agree with the others....wait until it's a sure thing, and until you have some solid information to share with him. Let him know that even though you and Mom are no longer going to be married, you will never stop loving him. I just hope that your wife will let you continue to have a relationship with him....that's going to be very important to him AND to you. :) Good luck, and keep us posted.
 

FooserX

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Jul 11, 2007
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jtee said:
I wouldn't say anything until there is no doubt that it is going to happen (ie you, or she, have found another place to live).

I have known people who thought they wanted a divorce, but for whatever reason, just never could sign the papers. And besides, it sounds like you want to work it out.

I didn't say anything until yesterday because I did think there was a small chance. Saturday she took my son and spent the entire day with another guy. They went to his house, to the zoo...out to eat. And this is not the first time she's taken him to be with this other guy which she has never told me about. She's also been lying and stealing money from our account without telling me.

I know what you're saying JT, but it's past the point of fixing. Even IF I wanted to, she still does not.



Never in a million years will I be able to understand how a mother could break her son's heart like she did last night when we had to tell him. The look on his face was heartbreaking. She even blamed me!
 

Kaytee

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Apr 9, 2007
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Of course she blamed you, she's a cheating stealing &%** and a few other choice words.
God Fooser I really am sorry. What a low thing to do to Bradly.
I hope she is not a complete and utter b*^%^ and tried to keep Bradly away from you. If you even suggest that I would seriously talk to him. Not anythig big just tell him over and over again, that no matter what happens you will always love him and he will always be your son.
 

FooserX

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Jul 11, 2007
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You know...part of me, even hating her and not trusting her, part of me still expected (or hoped I guess) her to change her mind when we were telling him.

When his face crumpled before the tears came and he asked why he had to leave his home...I just thought she would change her mind at that moment. Like...all I could think about was "no way can she just sit here and let this happen to her son!"
 

Kaytee

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Apr 9, 2007
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Well obviously she does not care about her child's feelings if she is taking the only support he has out of his life and then introducing him to new guys like a well.. I won't say
 

fallon

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Jul 19, 2007
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OMG I got chills when you said she was taking him to meet with another guy. I am so sorry for you and your boy fooser. That is a cold hearted women for sure
 

FooserX

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Jul 11, 2007
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Well I don't know if she's actually having an affair...

I just know she has lied to me about where she was going when it comes to him...spent hours with him at his house...went to the zoo all day with him and my son (that is MY family thing! She probably even let him "pretend" to be her husband so she could use our family membership and get him in for free! lol)...and she has never once mentioned his name, even though he used to work in the same place as us.

So all those things, PLUS the fact she went from happy to divorce almost overnight...and has such crappy reasons for wanting a divorce, I just can't help but think she's just in the "grass is greener over there" state of mind. Why else would someone give up everything?
 

fallon

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Jul 19, 2007
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sounds like she needs help...this isn't the way she should go about raising a child. Divorce happens, things happen but you just don't handle things this way. It isn't good for Bradly to be ripped away from you and have another man just appear in his life