I cannot force myself to do it....

[Cop2be]

Father of 6, like I said...its similiar...I skip the eye shadow.
My look is what I am confident with. I am happy with it and thats all that should matter.

Would you rather be hated for who you are or be loved for someone who your aren't?


That pic is NOT me btw. Thats hayden pannitierre...an actress.

 

[AmyBelle]

Im late in this conversation, but DH has been a cop for 22 years and still cant deal with his mother. I think the police and mother comparison is a little harsh.

 

[Cop2be]

Yeah a little.
As a cop, i'll have authority over people...I don't have authority over me...my mom does which she is trying to exert too much of, especially at my age and you also have to take into consideration that I am well behaved and not some wild child. I stay at home, go do things like movies, I don't give her any reason to buckle down on me and do the things she does.

 

[zeitgeist]

It sounds like your mom is being a little too restrictive and controlling of someone your age. That said, you're still living a child's life (no job, no responsibilities beyond chores) so she's probably not entirely out of line in treating you like one.

Ultimately, her rules apply in her house. If her rules are too much to take, you know where the door is.

Maybe I missed it in the previous four pages: how long until you go into Police Academy? Are you only there until you enter, or is it indefinite just now?

Have you considered a tour in the military first? As I understand it, police forces typically welcome military experience.

 

[Cop2be]

I am here just till police academy.
If I were to go out on my own there is no way I would be able to save up money to pay for it. Sure, there are scholarships I might get through being an explorer with my towns PD but nothing is definate with that. I need to save up to be sure.

I hope to be able to move out either before police academy or right after police academy. There is no way my mom could handle me living at home as a police officer. No way I could trust my brother either around the guns and etc. He loves guns and I can't take that risk, I would tell him no he can't see it and he wouldn't listen.

As for the job, like I have said before I was asked not to work during school and I am in the process of looking for one.
My mom has told me that as long as I am using her car and her gas and her time( we only have one car, she would be taking me and picking me up) that it has to be a job that she thinks is worthy of using all that.

And she doesn't pay my healthcare, dental or eye. And she doesn't pay for college.


She's not easy to negotiate with or talk to. She has her mind set and if you try to talk other wise, she yells and screams, threatens to call the cops "if you say one more word", slams things, storms out of the house and drives off for hours at a time. She's done this after a full bottle of wine. Well, not a full bottle because the last glass went in my eyes and hair.
I should have called the cops but my grandmother told me not to.
I should have but we wouldn't have had the money to bail her out and whatnot.


As for the military...I don't want to be tied down to something like that.
My plan is as follows.
Aug 25th, 2010-Turning 21.
Aug of 2010- Going to police academy.
December of 2010-Graduating from police academy
March-April of 2011-Finishing my field training.

I want to be a cop as soon as possible. Joining the military would delay me.

 

[Father_0f_7]

Father of 6, like I said...its similiar...I skip the eye shadow.
My look is what I am confident with. I am happy with it and thats all that should matter.

Would you rather be hated for who you are or be loved for someone who your aren't?


That pic is NOT me btw. Thats hayden pannitierre...an actress.

I know its similar, and yes, I know that's not you. And I'm very glad you are happy with your looks...so why would you hide it under makeup.

I am not a prude in any way, I just dont think a woman who is confident in herself wear a lot of makeup, maybe a little cover up or something.

If I were to go out on my own there is no way I would be able to save up money to pay for it.

I also might have missed something but how are you saving up if you dont have a job?

 

[16th ave.]

not to be a smart ass but i gotta say it...
ya ever heard of walking? alot of people do it and take public transportation too.
with the military, ya could do the reserves and not be tied down much. i got a f.m. who does it. he's in kuwait as a civilian right now while on reserve for the national guard and making mucho mullah.

 

[Cop2be]

I know its similar, and yes, I know that's not you. And I'm very glad you are happy with your looks...so why would you hide it under makeup.

I am not a prude in any way, I just dont think a woman who is confident in herself wear a lot of makeup, maybe a little cover up or something.



I also might have missed something but how are you saving up if you dont have a job?

I am confident with the look that I have with the make up.
I am not hiding under make up. I do eyeliner and mascara and I am happy with it.

And I do plan on finding a job between now and academy and I plan on saving as much as possible.

 

[Lynette]

I just think Im too old to be told when to go to bed at night and when to wake up in the morning.

I totally agree. No mom should tell her 19 year old at what time at night to go to bed and at what time to get up in the morning. The thing is, you go to bed in the morning and sleep until afternoon...

Personally I could accept that if my kid was a bar tender, but certainly not if she or he is a student. Consider yourself lucky about your tolerant mother.


What regards the myspace thing -change password? Stop showing her your account? I do think that your mother is invading your privacy too much, but I do not believe that you can do anything about it.

 

[ImNotHer82]

If you and your Mother do not get along then it is time for you to move out. End of story. I also moved out of my Mom's place because I could not live by her rules anymore (my Mom was MUCH more strict then yours) Good Luck!!

 

[TabascoNatalie]

don't want to scare you, but moving out/paying rent will not necessarily stop your mother from pestering you. she may demand help/support anytime she's not in right mood, feel herself a boss at your home as well, terrorize your spouse, and spoil your children. there are people like that, and this nonsense may go till both of you are very old. if you don't assert yourself and draw the line ASAP, you're going to be this miserable as long as she likes.

 

[ImNotHer82]

My Mom also did that until I was able to finally get up the courage to stand up for myself. She was not happy and did not talk to me for a very long time (very peaceful) but she got over it and things are better now. I still have to remind her on occasion where her place is, but we have a much better relationship now then we ever have.

 

[fallon]

My Mom also did that until I was able to finally get up the courage to stand up for myself. She was not happy and did not talk to me for a very long time (very peaceful) but she got over it and things are better now. I still have to remind her on occasion where her place is, but we have a much better relationship now then we ever have.

I was in a similar situation with my mom although we never went so far as to not talk.

Also I want to add I hope nobody ever believed 100% of things I said about my mom when I was teen...LOL I really can't believe how many people (parents at that) are so quick to judge this mother based on the posts of a 19 yr old who doesn't work and still lives at home

 

[Father_0f_7]

I really can't believe how many people (parents at that) are so quick to judge this mother based on the posts of a 19 yr old who doesn't work and still lives at home

Exactly, I'm not going to judge this mother from what i'm hearing from her daughter, especially when I dont have the other side of the story.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

when a wife tells about an abusive husband, also people respond like, 'maybe that's not true, maybe it's your own fault'. and the husband is usually 'well liked by co-workers'.
i'm on daughter's side here in this thread, just because i've seen people like described here in the reality. and it's not about working, moving out or respect. it's about personality issues.

 

[fallon]

when it comes to your parents there should be a level of respect. And I'm not saying she's lying....comparing this to an abused wife is also a pretty big stretch

 

[TabascoNatalie]

and to what degree 'respect' is respect? and some point you have to respect yourself as well.

 

[ImNotHer82]

I am not judging the Mother at all either. Although, I have been in a similar situation with my own Mom I also know that we are only hearing half the story. I also agree that comparing this to an abused wife is a very big stretch, and one comparison that should not be made.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

family is family, relations with parents are often projected onto relations with spouses. so i don't think that's a stretch. and about the other side... here's the person having certain issues, and 'the other side' probably thinks that's not an issue, or it's not open for discussion (not speaking of change).

 

[IADad]

I just can't help but but think that Cop2be's attitude is key to the answer.

Yes, the mother is clearly (at least from what we've been told) over-bearing, seems quite controlling, but the fact remains that the poster can control this situation, she just doesn't want to. She's not ready to take the bull by the horns and do what she needs to do to gain the independence she desires. It seems she wants mom to change and I'm thinking that's not going to happen to any significant extent. There are alternative to everything she "can't do" and she's clearly not willing to do them (and I'm not trying to condemn her for it, just stating what seems to me to be fact.)

My most fervent hope for this child, is that she takes some action to find her strength. Whether that's putting the brakes on the plans and working and finishing college on her own, or going military, whatever positive self-reliant action she can take. I think she's dead wrong on the subject of authority. Respect is so much more important than authority and only she can do the things to gain respect from anyone, be it her mother or the consituents she intends to serve in 18 months. I think if she's pinning her hopes on authority, that that is a sad and scary proposition, unlikely to yeild positive results.