I cannot force myself to do it....

[TabascoNatalie]

how are you going to be a cop, if you can't confront your own mother. I don't say you must move out, but you should stand up for yourself. you don't have to show the myspace account to her, and you don't have to go to sleep as ordered. no matter who pays the bills.

 

[Skyburning]

. you don't have to show the myspace account to her, and you don't have to go to sleep as ordered. no matter who pays the bills.

Are you serious? How about she doesn't have to have the internet at all if she can't use it and follow her mom's conditions. "no matter who pays the bills" HA!

And I totally understand the curfew/wake up time thing. She can't make you fall asleep, true. But if you are going to lay in bed until 12-1 p.m. because you failed to go to sleep at a decent time that is her business. You laying there being useless half the day probably gets on her nerves. I know it would mine.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Are you serious? How about she doesn't have to have the internet at all if she can't use it and follow her mom's conditions. "no matter who pays the bills" HA!

a 19year-old college student doesn't need to ask for mommy's permission to have a myspace account. ok, she doesn't have to have internet. allright, let the mommy cut it off. there's plenty of places to get online outside of home.

 

[Skyburning]

I agree that a 19 year old doesn't need permission for a myspace but they also don't have to live at home. I'm not saying I expect this girl to pack up and move out, but if she's going to live at home she should tolerate the rules..If she were paying rent it would be different but she's not. And for all we know her mother has good reason to expect to be her friend on myspace. Not all 19 year olds can be trusted to not make stupid decisions on the internet. I'm not saying this is the case here but it's a definite possibility. All we know is what this person is telling us and I'd bet it's a little stretch from the truth. We don't know her mother's reasoning behind her rules. All we know is that instead of confronting her mother and respectfully asking for the reasoning behind the rules and trying to negotiate..she is whining and undermining the authority of the house.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

no offense, but censoring 19year-old's myspace comments doesn't sound healthy. and i believe the reasoning is simple -- a thrill of being in control.
and paying money doesn't mean owning you.

 

[Trina]

I had similar issues as a teen. I went away to college at 18 and never lived at home with my parents again. I became responsible, got a job and supported myself. (My parents paid my tuition but other than that I was on my own.) Even though finances were tight, I enjoyed being out from under my parent's rule. Times were tough but I grew up and learned important life lessons. Time to spread your wings and fly from the nest.

 

[HappyMomma]

From what you have described, I personally wouldn't appreciate her behavior either. Although, the fact of the matter is that you are lucky enough to be old enough to get away from it, of course that is something YOU will have to decide to do and then actually take action.

If you don't like it... move out - get away from the negativity and live your life they way you choose.

If you were staying with anyone else in the world who paid the bills and owned the house it would be the same... their house - their rules.

Welcome to the real world.

 

[Cop2be]

I don't think anybody here dislikes you....on the contrary why would we have taken any time to read and respond if we didn't want to try to help you out, but you really don't seem to want the help you've been given.

It seems to me that if your mom is guilty of anything it's perhaps that she hasn't prepared you for leaving home. I see our jobs are parents as being to best prepare our kids to be the best people they can be and part of them is preparing them to leave home when they are adults. She treats you like a kid and you allow yourself to be treated like a kid, so until you decide to change that, you're a kid, in her house. You want us to intervene? How? via email? No, you're going to have to take some initiative if you want this "maddness" to stop

I'd like to back up to the litter box story...are you telling me that the only resolution to the out of litter problem is for you to try to force her to go to the store to buy litter? I'd suggest you can shred some newspaper as a temporary fix (it's what the vet clnics use) or even some dirt from the back yard (I promise, kitty won't mind) oatmeal, potting soil...

I don't mean to be negative, but how in the hell are you going to be a cop in a year and a half? You can't figure out how to resolve your own domestic conflict, you can't figure out a "work-around" to filling a litter box. What are you going to do when you're presented with a problem that you haven't been specifically trained for? Text Somebody? Now, I probably don't know much about being a cop, but I've seen enough "Adam 12" and "CHiPs" to know you have to be able to think on your feet and come up with creative solutions. If I were your career counselor, I think I'd suggest that you live a little more life before becoming a cop, both for your sake and those you're supposed to protect.

I didn't "force" her to go to get litter.
I cleaned the bathroom and she told me that me doing that was forcing her to go to the store.
It literally went like this.
Me- Can I give the cats a bath?
Mom-Why?
Me- I cleaned the bathroom and they should be clean too.
Mom- Did you clean the litter box?
Me- No its out in the garage, I was about to.
Mom-We don't have litter and now I am being forced to go to the store because you cant put their dirty litter box back in there.


And as far as the cop thing. I am very good with what I am learning so far. I am explorer with my towns PD. With my mom its not easy to talk to her and its a lot different than dealing with a complete stranger.

 

[Cop2be]

I agree that a 19 year old doesn't need permission for a myspace but they also don't have to live at home. I'm not saying I expect this girl to pack up and move out, but if she's going to live at home she should tolerate the rules..If she were paying rent it would be different but she's not. And for all we know her mother has good reason to expect to be her friend on myspace. Not all 19 year olds can be trusted to not make stupid decisions on the internet. I'm not saying this is the case here but it's a definite possibility. All we know is what this person is telling us and I'd bet it's a little stretch from the truth. We don't know her mother's reasoning behind her rules. All we know is that instead of confronting her mother and respectfully asking for the reasoning behind the rules and trying to negotiate..she is whining and undermining the authority of the house.

Actually, its not the case here. I have been using a computer since I was 10.
I have had myspace since I was 15. She didn't even know I had myspace at first because I didn't even know what myspace was or all the concern around it and just signed up with a friend. Once she found out she wanted my login information, I gave it to her. When we moved I made a new one to change the URL and I was about 16 or 17 so she didn't ask the login she just made one and said I had to be her friend. So there isn't any reason behind this besides the fact that she was parenting then but now its just ridiculous.

As for the bed time thing.
She actually wants me to be asleep by a certain and wake up by a certain. Even if I were to get off the computer and lay in bed...if she were to come check to see if I were asleep she'd get pissed because I wasn't asleep. Its happened before. She'd come ask why aren't you asleep and id telll her that I had been laying in bed for the past 2-3 hours or however long and wasn't even nearly tired and couldn't sleep and she'd still be pissed and tell me that it was all my fault.
When nothing is my fault, I sleep when my body needs it...no one else can dictate that...I am what she is trying to do is like when I was little..its such a joke.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I didn't "force" her to go to get litter.
And as far as the cop thing. I am very good with what I am learning so far. I am explorer with my towns PD. With my mom its not easy to talk to her and its a lot different than dealing with a complete stranger.

I believe in police you'll have to deal with much more difficult people than a weirdo mommy. So its about time you should stand up for yourself.
what she can do if you refuse to go to bed as ordered or make yourself another myspace account? spank you? throw you out of the house? I guess, all she would do would be just yell for half an hour and then calm down.

my own mom isn't an easy person either. she used to have a very nasty habit to call me on my cellphone and order to go home whenever i was out (and not at night). I put up with that as I was underage, but being 18-19 I said that's enough and i'm not taking that crap anymore. I always tell where I go, I don't wild party, I always come home on time, and i'm respectful in general. but being ordered to go home in the middle of a movie, or on a romantic date -- no i won't obey that nonsense. of course she was mad for a while, but then the calls stopped.

 

[Father_0f_7]

Natalie's right, you will have to deal with MUCH MUCH MUCH worse on the police force than you have EVER delt with in your entire life put together. You will get shot at, you will be picked on by other cops because you are a woman, you will get hurt, you will be dealing with REAL psychos who kill people just for the hell of it, and while you are arresting them, they will be thinking of ways to kill you....I've been there, I know all about it.

I also agree that it is time to stick up for yourself, yes she is your mother, but you arent making the situation any easier by letting her walk all over you. And again, until I hear her side of the story...I'm going to say that you are exagerating at little.

 

[Cop2be]

Thanks.
I am not exaggerating at all.

My mom is pretty old fashioned and likes the way her father raised her and tries to do the same with my brother and I.

Early to bed and to get up. 10pm to 8am kind of thing.
Doesn't like technology too much. Hates texting and prefers calling.
Doesn't like myspace and such.
Thinsk internet should be used little.
Thinks clothes should fit loose, make-up should be very light to none.
I didn't get to wear make up as soon as my friends did. In fact I did a lot of things way later than my friends.
She told me if she could go back in time she would have raised us differently. We would have never gotten cell phones, had as much access to the internet, never been allowed myspace, I wouldn't have been allowed to wear low rise jeans till 17.
You get the idea?

That's what I am up against.

Ive asked her why she wants me in bed and the reason for the bedtime.
She says it because its the way she was raised and everyone went to bed at the same time and they went to bed early. She thinks that everyone in the house should go to bed at the same time because it shows respect but I firmly believe different ages have different bedtimes and that people are diffrent and have diffrent sleeping patterns.

Like I said she has this picture of the way life should be and her old school social norms dictates how she thinks and lives life.

 

[Cop2be]

Natalie's right, you will have to deal with MUCH MUCH MUCH worse on the police force than you have EVER delt with in your entire life put together. You will get shot at, you will be picked on by other cops because you are a woman, you will get hurt, you will be dealing with REAL psychos who kill people just for the hell of it, and while you are arresting them, they will be thinking of ways to kill you....I've been there, I know all about it.

I also agree that it is time to stick up for yourself, yes she is your mother, but you arent making the situation any easier by letting her walk all over you. And again, until I hear her side of the story...I'm going to say that you are exagerating at little.

I know I will have to deal with much much more.
But there is a difference.
My mom and criminals are totally different. I can remove myself from those situations and remain professional but I can't do that with my mom.
This is personal and it hurts to be fighting with her all time, a lot of the time I am crying because she gets hurtful and all I want to do is get along with her and her and I to agree with things. My mom and I are very stronged willed and don't stray from what we personally believe.

As for them picking on me for being a woman, I am already involved with my towns PD and there are 3 female explorers...the guys are grateful for us and enjoy having us around and same with the male cops, I have never done a ride along with a female cop and all the cops I've rode with have loved having me along and told me that I was one of their best riders and have told me I am free to ride along again.

Its hard.

 

[Cop2be]

I'll give you guys another example of how she gets.
This JUST happened.

I hate change unless I can control it.
So I frequently change my hair style, how I do my make-up, my room arrangement, backgrounds of things.

I am going to rearrange my room to pass some time right now.
I wanted her opinion and asked her to come see how I wanted to do things.

Well she didn't like where I was putting my bed because its been storming and lightning but my bed would be against a wall and I only have one inner wall and even with my bed where it is now lightning could come through the window so it doesn't matter and statistically the chances...I mean come on..

But she told me I was "doing this on purpose" and just to make her angry and that I was being idiotic. She told me I was subconsciously trying to make her angry. And that I do this(moving my room around) for a reason and that instead of doing this I could be doing other things with my life...its like 10:25 at night..not sure what life changing things I could be doing....

I told her she was a trip and that she was my anti-drug and that I wouldn't ever need to do drugs with her around because of how much of a trip she was.

I don't do drugs to begin with BTW.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

How come you never mention dad? Let me guess, she was too much pain in the rear for a man to live with.

Ok, do you still ask for permission about getting a haircut? you ask her, and she thinks she can be bossy. it's about time you stop. and what she can do? yes, be angry. so what? she wouldn't start running around with a gun.

 

[Cop2be]

He hasnt been in the picture for quite some time.
Since I was 2. I saw him once when I was 9 but that was the last time.
Not a good guy though to begin with so its a good thing.

Its currently my mom, my brother and I.

 

[16th ave.]

Thanks.
I am not exaggerating at all.

My mom is pretty old fashioned and likes the way her father raised her and tries to do the same with my brother and I.

Early to bed and to get up. 10pm to 8am kind of thing.
Doesn't like technology too much. Hates texting and prefers calling.
Doesn't like myspace and such.
Thinsk internet should be used little.
Thinks clothes should fit loose, make-up should be very light to none.
I didn't get to wear make up as soon as my friends did. In fact I did a lot of things way later than my friends.
She told me if she could go back in time she would have raised us differently. We would have never gotten cell phones, had as much access to the internet, never been allowed myspace, I wouldn't have been allowed to wear low rise jeans till 17.
You get the idea?

That's what I am up against.

Ive asked her why she wants me in bed and the reason for the bedtime.
She says it because its the way she was raised and everyone went to bed at the same time and they went to bed early. She thinks that everyone in the house should go to bed at the same time because it shows respect but I firmly believe different ages have different bedtimes and that people are diffrent and have diffrent sleeping patterns.

Like I said she has this picture of the way life should be and her old school social norms dictates how she thinks and lives life.

i aint trying to be rude here. but there was a time when people actually did the stuff your said your mom believes in.
in fact there's people who still live that way. People who live on farms and ranches. Ya know...the ones who supply this world with its' food.
there's even people who live that way w/out owning farms and ranches. Those folks are considered Old School by a lot of other people.
and It's not such a bad way to be.
Ya ever hear the phrase "The early bird gets the worm?"
Truer words have never been said.
There is no harm in the things you mention. But too much of a good thing can hurt just as much as too much of a bad thing.
None of us know your mom's side. so we're not likely go on a b&g fest with you about her. Most everything you said she does just points that she's trying raise you to be a happy, healthy, responsible adult.

 

[fallon]

I'm confused....first she was mad that you didn't dress feminine enough now she only likes loose fitting clothes and no make up?

 

[Cop2be]

I'm confused....first she was mad that you didn't dress feminine enough now she only likes loose fitting clothes and no make up?

Yes.
Like my jeans now are ultra low rise and tight.
To her they should be higher rise like right below my belly button and looser.

My girlie feminine tops that I do have are like tank tops and spaghetti strap shirts and they are tight as well.
She thinks they should be MORE girlie and fit looser.

She thinks I should be dressing more mature. She thinks everyone my age looks like crap and dresses like crap because we all wear Hollister and Abercromie and she thinks that looks childish and immature and not girlie at all.

And she thinks I wear far too much make-up. Like when she does her's its light eyeliner on the bottom and light mascara and powder.

I do my make up similiar to this everyday.
http://legacy.sheknows.com/beauty/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/hayden-panettiere.jpg[/URL]

That's the girl from Heros or whatever it is.

 

[Father_0f_7]

tone down on the makeup, natural beauty is best.