I need some advice...

[Va3p0r]

I am at a loss regarding my two daughters.

My oldest is 14
My youngest is 6

Short History--
My oldest daughter currently lives in another state. She is my daughter from my previous marriage. Our relationship has always been very good. When she lived in the same state as me, my visitation with her was every other weekend for the whole weekend.

My youngest daughter is my daughter with my current wife of 7 years.

The Issue--
Pretty much since the day my youngest daughter was born, my oldest daughter could care less that she existed. This isn't something that just cropped up recently, she has, since the day my youngest was born, ignored/avoided/disliked her. On the flip side, my youngest daughter worships the very ground that her "big sissy" walks on. I am sensitive to the age difference between the two and try to take that into account.

It tears me apart inside to watch the heartbreak in the eyes of my youngest when she asks her big sissy to spend time with her, and gets the glare of death and a solid no.

I don't want to force my oldest to spend time with her sister, because I know that will surely not make things any better. I just don't know what to do.

 

[artmom]

Just let it go. It sounds like minor sibling rivalry, even if it's just the one sib that's bitter.
Younger, especially much younger, siblings tend to look up to the older sibs.
Very normal behaviour.

 

[Vdad]

14 probably feels threatened by 6's presence in your life, and by extension, a sense of loss of attention from you (Which she probably experiences anyways owing to the physical distance btwn you).

This won't likely get better on it's own, and it's probably not "Sibling rivalry" in the traditional sense b/c the underlying issue here isn't just her presence, but a much deeper (and longer lasting) sense of loss due to the divorce.

You might want to talk with her about her feelings about the divorce in general, your remarriage, the birth of 6....don't get defensive, but use this as an opportunity to provide some much needed reassurance about your bond with her and your sense of emotional commitment to her, regardless of residence and who else is in your life.

 

[Helina]

I don't think there's any serious issue about this. Kids usually turn rivals at certain age. I'm sure things will turn right as they grow older.

 

[cybele]

That's a very normal reaction for kids with a large age gap. They're not on the same level mentally, physically, emotionally, really, they've got nothing in common other than blood.
Teenagers also aren't typically the best at playing kid games, it's not their thing, teenagers are typically pretty self-absorbed.

It just sounds normal to me.

 

[Mety246]

There is no any serious issues on this. Kids usually changes as they grow bigger. They will definitely understand.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

She maybe feels resentful that you 'replaced' her with a new family. How did she take the breakup of your first marriage?

 

[Renesme]

I think you should not worry that much.