I will start process to place my teen daughter in foster care!...

[jmvisa]

<r>Hi, First I have to apologize for the horrible spelling and grammar you will find in my posts, English is my second language and I had little formal education in properly writing in English, Second thank you for reading my post.<br/>
Short version;<br/>
-Have a defiant 16 y old daughter that sneaks out of the house once a week, and doesn't come from school once a week to meet and have sex and drink with a boyfriend that we do not approve, for his antecedents of drugs and problems accepting adult authority, the boyfriend has been kicked out of school, in juvenile detention, and house arrest, he is only 15, we do not believe he is clean of drugs since his closest friends are users and sell.<br/>
-Sneaking, drinking and unprotected sex started at 12, <br/>
-She and the whole family have been in therapy, she was in meds for a year and in psiquiatric clinic for a week after suicide attempt at 14.<br/>
-She lies and plots constantly, even when the evidence is on her face.<br/>
-Her actions are a danger to herself and are disrupting the family dynamics.<br/>
-Since no consequence or positive reinforcement, is working,with pain in our hearts our wife and I are seeking the intervention of the state and possible looking to place her in a foster home.<br/>
<br/>
Now if you need more details please keep reading.<br/>
There is a little background you need to know to place things in contest, My wife and I are Catholic, we practice and are very involved in the church participating in Christian formation with our kids and charitable work in our community. We were raised in traditional catholic homes in south America we moved to the USA, in our 30s. These to me, are important facts because they are foundation of who we are. We assimilated the American culture, live in Anglo American communities, in summary you can't tell we are immigrants until we open our mouth to speak or eat <E></E><br/>
Here is our dilemma;<br/>
At age 12 our daughter who until that point had been an academic star, the best behaved kid you could have, got with the wrong crowd in 7th grade and started sneaking out of the house, drinking and having sex. She confessed to me and pointed out she could not stop. Since the biggest influence were her friends from school we decided to home school her for the rest of the academic year. I have to mention one of those friends ended up in a rehabilitation camp fro 4 months in the mountains and the other "my daughter's boyfriend ended up expelled from school and in juvenile detention then house arrest, for car theft, driving under the influence without a license and drug position, he is in probation right now.<br/>
During the time she was home schooled she attempted suicide and ended up in the ER then in a psiquiatric clinic for a week, after that she was in meds for a year, we all went to family therapy and in individual therapy for about a year, she would desabel the alarm system and sneake out at night every time she could, to go to meet the boufriend and party, she was caught shoplifting at walmart and we turned her in to other store when we found she stole from them, she would have sex with guys she didn’t even dated, live was hell to make it simple, for her since had no privileges at all and for us, no parent wants to see her child place in danger that way and doing any of that. Then we had some calm she went back to schoo, the bad friends were out of school, she regained all her privileges and things were showing brighrt, she was in the process of getting her driving licesnce, had already her permite, had good friends, was making plans for college and having good teen fun. Then…then the ex-boyfriend was allowed to go back to school this academic year. Two weeks after that she stated to us he was a change man, she was going to date him no matter what, and we shoud trust her, agains our best jusdgement we decided to give him a chance, we rather had them under our supervision and she was allowed to date him in our house, one condition threee strikes and he was out.<br/>
Things went ok for a while, I still had the bitter taste of what happened to her because of the relationship with him. Then He came smelling like pot one day to see her, first strike, sencond strike he was supposed to leave the house one night and we believe he did, but our daughter hide him in her room, we found him next morning. Strike two, because of that our daughter lost her room that was the largest over the garage in the other side of the house and went back to the room in the hallway across from our room, that was the consequence set for abusing the privilege of the private larges room. Because the action was so grave in so many asoects she lost her cell phone that we pay for a month. We also told her we didn’t want to hear from her Boyfriend for a while, my wife and I were hurt by the way abused our trust. We put the cell phone on the safe and a week before we were going to give it back to her, we realized the phone had been used, how? Well the boyfriend ask her to take the phone from the safe and take the sim card and put the phone back, he gave her a used phone so they could talk, we didn’t know at that point our daughter knew how to open the safe. We checked all the messages and learned he blamed us for what was happening, it was not that they violated our trust but we were to stiff and he wanted to punch me in the face for that. That was third forth and 100th strike and we told our daughter se could not date him anymore. They can see each other at lunch in school, but they want more. So here is were the court and foster care comes in the picture, My daughter because she can not see him but at lunch, is sneaking out of the house, this kid by the way he is 15. Is from a divorced family and he lives with his father that travels a lot, so when she sneaks out, goes to his place to drink and have unprotected sex. Sometimes she doesn’t come home and goes with him. Al least once a week she leaves our house in the middle of the night, willows are bolted, we have sensor alarm system, but she always finds a way to get out, sleeping is a commodity in my house now, one night I could not sleep so I went to work at 2:00 am, I have my own business. I turned the alarm to leave and because it was pouring rain I didn’t re-set it, well, she left after me in the middle of the rain bare foot and walked in he pajamas 3 miles to this kids house. She didn’t go to school that day; we called the police and reported a runaway child for the 3rd time. Later that day the mother of the boyfriend took her to school and we went to pick her up. As you can see her behavior is a danger to her self, she is totally defiant to our authority, she wants her emancipation but doesn’t do anything to assume responsibility of herself, she is failing in school, and the relationship with us is not good, we hardly talk to her anymore, she is all the time in her room when she is at home. Our house is a hotel where she stays when the boyfriend can’t have her over because his father is there. We do not know what else to do, My wife and I are seen a therapist specialized in family and he agrees with the measurements we have taken so far. We love our daughter, she was not an accident in our lives, we planned to have her and have loved her before she was borne, we wanted a different live for her and it hurts to our core how she is making this wonderful years of her live a misery and making them so difficult for the rest of the family. Because she might be in greater danger to herself with us and she needs to confront the reality of live and assume the consequences of her actions we are seeking today the intervention of the state to place her in a foster home or some kind of intervention, we can’t keep going like this, it is a game, she doesn’t show up we call police and go looking for her. Yesterday we actually didn’t look for her and she showed up like nothing later that night, what if something was really happening? Please! we need some advice here. Are we doing wrong? Are we bad parents trying to pass our responsibility to others?<br/>
I am sorry for the long post but i wanted to give as much information.<br/>
Have a wonderful day and God bless you!<br/>
<E></E></r>

 

[Xero]

Yes, you are absolutely doing wrong, and yes you are bad parents for trying to pass on your responsibility as a parent. What a horrible thing to do to a child, literally just give them away so you don't have to deal with them anymore. I just want to cry reading this. I mean, I am not going to sit here and say that she isn't getting into some trouble, she obviously is. But if this were my child, I would be doing everything I could to help her get better, and even if none of that worked I would keep trying until there was nothing left of me. If I had to, I would have moved away from all of this drama and bad influence a long time ago, to try to start new somewhere else. Long before I would hand my daughter to strangers. That is like the ultimate way you could possibly fail your child. I mean, I could see if you didn't feel you could handle her, and that she would be happier staying with a family member until she was a legal adult and supporting herself, but handing her over to strangers because you don't like her behavior?? You do know that foster parents are just regular people like you and me, right? I was in foster care as a child, and where I can tell you that I got lucky, I heard horror story after horror story. A LARGE amount of these people do it for the money. They literally don't care about these kids at all, and what they do is work them to death and mistreat them while they sit on their butts claiming to "parent" them and the state shells out a ton of cash to them for it. I can't tell you how many abuse cases I have heard. From foster children being raped and molested, to neglected and beaten. Even deaths. I am talking local too, outside of that countless cases across America happen too. You are just okay with taking that chance by putting your teen in foster care, just throwing her out into the luck of the draw. You don't just get to pick the nicest couple with the biggest house and the best Christian morals, the state gets the kid and they stuff them with whoever has room and says "sure". Aside from all of that, there are how many abused, neglected, homeless, orphan children out there that NEED homes and parents, and you are considering giving your child to the system just because you can? Just because you don't want to deal with her anymore? Just ugh!!

Do you know how many kids her age are having sex? Honestly at this point what you need to do is educate her, put her on birth control, and push for her to use protection. Keep her stocked with it at all times. You obviously can't keep her from doing it, she is doing it while you're not looking whether you like it or not. You need to just deal with it and teach her safety, not abstinence. That is just ruining your relationship with her and pointless, and she is going to get pregnant or get STD's because you are not putting her on the pill or giving her protection to use. This will be your fault if it happens, IMO. You know what she's doing, yet you choose to ignore it and instead tell her not to. She steals something, you ground her and you don't let her go to the store by herself. I don't see why a 15 year old needs to be shopping alone at walmart anyway. She abuses her phone, well believe it or not a 15 year old does not NEED a cell phone, take it away, turn it off and toss it completely, and let her use the house phone like we did when we were kids. She can get a cell phone when she can pay for it and choose to abuse it in whatever way she wants when she's a responsible adult. I don't know why you would choose to keep that kind of stress causer around. You keep the phone, but get rid of the kid. OK. She sneaks out because she is a prisoner in her own home. She is allowed to do nothing, under strict Christian moral law, you have alarms set, windows bolted, I mean wow. She has to find freedom in her own way because you have her so smothered it's borderline creepy. At absolute worst, if you think she is totally out of your control and a danger to herself and others, there are correctional facilities for that (I don't really mean juvy, but they have like "intervention" facilities and programs, like locally we have one called Perseus House for troubled teens). Foster care is not going to help her in literally any way. It is just going to relieve you of your responsibility of her, and destroy your relationship with her for the rest of your lives.

As for the boy, get a restraining order, or whatever it would be called to keep him away from her. By this, I mean the drinking and illegal activities. Those things alone should be enough to get it done, as long as you keep track of things and file police reports. I've got to tell you though, I knew a lot of kids that age when I was in school that were drinking, and as crappy as that was, their parents still loved them and wouldn't shut them out or give them away.

I am just so confused and blown away at how naïve this whole thing is. You do realize that there are parents with kids who do hardcore drugs on a regular basis, sell drugs, sell their bodies on craigslist, get in fights, get in actual physical altercations with their own parents, abuse their younger siblings, cut themselves, steal their parents cars and crash them, get arrested regularly, pregnant at 13, getting abortions, I mean I could go on.

And here you are looking at giving your kid away because she drinks sometimes and dates/has sex with a guy you don't like, and sometimes steals something stupid from walmart. I'm sorry for being so harsh. But I'm also kind of not.

 

[akmom]

I wouldn't go as far as Xero, but I agree that foster care isn't a solution.

It sounds like you feel that you are unfit to parent her, so you want the state to place her with someone who is fit. But that's isn't quite how foster care works. The state approves foster homes based on the foster parents' ability to be sober and provide food and shelter to a child. Not their ability to turn lives around. So it's a long shot to think she will end up with parents who will get through to her. In fact, I think she'd be more likely to get away with these behaviors in foster care, because strangers aren't as invested in her well-being as you are.

If I had to, I would have moved away from all of this drama and bad influence a long time ago, to try to start new somewhere else.

I think this is probably the answer. It's a huge undertaking, but not as huge as giving up custody of your child. If I were you, I'd consider putting some major distance between you and the boyfriend. If she can take a cab or a bus, she will. Move to another state, preferably across the country. (Heck, move to Alaska or Hawaii... she won't be able to leave the state without a passport!)

But I'm curious, what does your therapist think of your options?

 

[singledad]

.

 

[Xero]

I agree, I would probably move away and try somewhere else. I mean, if you are considering giving your child up, then moving away shouldn't seem that crazy.

I wouldn't go as far as Xero, but I agree that foster care isn't a solution.

Let me just apologize if I took it too far or went overboard with my response. I guess I just saw this description, thought of the love and dedication I have for my own children, and the mistakes I may have made as a teenager, and I felt shocked and emotional. Perhaps said a bit too much, or wasn't as pleasant as I could have been. I understand you are going through a hard time, but I do think you're handling it wrong and that you maybe aren't looking at the big picture here.

 

[cybele]

Well to begin with, that is not what foster care is for, so I doubt children's services will place her in a home. You can't just decide one day "I don't feel like dealing with teenage behaviour any more, someone else can have her".

And I am 100% with everything Xero said. If I went into a response myself it would be pretty much the same thing, so I won't, but you really need to pull your socks up and teach her about safe sex, first and foremost.

 

[akmom]

So, in short, your daughter is desperately unhappy, to the point of attempting suicide, and the punishment for that is abandonment? Have I got that right?

I don't think you have it right at all. He isn't angry that she had struggles. He's concerned. He put the whole family through therapy... I think that illustrates his intent to help her out.

Sure, how [dare] she be depressed. How [dare] she latch on to someone who seems to give her the live and validation she needs. How [dare] [she] inconvenience the [rest] [of] the family with her troubles.

I don't think he said that the measures they've taken are "inconvenient." He said they're ineffective. He is looking for solutions for her, because her lifestyle is dangerous. She may be seeking validation, but what she is getting is taken advantage of and manipulated by the boyfriend. So he is looking for different approaches to help her out of this.

Agreed: his idea of foster care is a bad one. As an immigrant, he might not even fully grasp what the U.S. foster system is. Perhaps he thought it was specially trained adults who take in troubled youth, rather than ordinary families who take youth from troubled parents. Now he knows. No need to tear his throat out.

 

[yunihara]

There are places you can take her for help. Here, we have programs like "Boys and Girls Town," which can help with emotional trauma and issues, as well as rehab. Foster care will not usually take someone that old, honestly, and would put her in group home (at least where I live). Foster care is a mess, I would never pass my child off to it.

Its good to talk to crisis lines and therapists to see how you might help her. Teach her safe sex practices (as said already). When I was 16, an immigrant myself, I snuck out of the house, had sex and smoked weed and cigarettes. I did because there was a thrill in some of it, and trying to figure myself out and testing my freedom n' stuff. I think some of it IS out of control for your daughter, and she is having issues beyond teenaged rebellion. There's lots of help out there, but PLEASE don't give up on her. I think nothing destroys a child more than that.

 

[Xero]

Yes, that is the other thing, the foster system doesn't usually take kids just because you "want them to" or anything. It's usually because the child has bad parents, not because the parents have a bad child. Unless the child is excessively truant.

 

[jmvisa]

When i posted I was sure I would be lashed and judge harsh and that is ok, I used to do the same, when i laid my eyes on kids that were unruled and misbehaved I used to blame the parents, their lack of parenting skills, their lack of morals, bounders and love, now I am biting my own tale, I can't believe the things that are happening are happening, neither friends and family members with young kids that we have confide in them and they were using us as roll models. First of all, we do not want to pass our responsibility to someone because our daughter is an inconvenience, akmon got that right. We are worry that our daughter's behavior is a danger to herself and since she has told us, she will continue this behavior unless we accept the boyfriend we are running out of options. If that was the case she would be in our country of origin long ego with family or friends. Here a couple of things that have been assumptions only that can carry to give the wrong judgement and therefore advice;

I would have moved away from all of this drama and bad influence a long time ago, to try to start new somewhere else.

Tha is easier to say than to do. We have a 13 year old boy that has his friends and roots in this area, should he be punished because of his sister? I have a business were i employ 5 people, 5 families depend on my business plus distributors, accountant etc, I have a moral obligation with this people also.

You need to just deal with it and teach her safety, not abstinence

I consider my kids more than animals, able to learn to control impulses, we teach abstinence and educate in birth control, we have a stack of preservative in my drawer that they can have access to it when they need, they have taken them to play, and give to their friends, and they know i have no problem with it, but I can't force her to use them and that is what is happening, I am not worry about getting pregnant, i don't want that to happen, but is the least of my worries, many woman have had kids at a young age and both turned out all right, is her, getting a TSD what worry us.

I don't see why a 15 year old needs to be shopping alone at walmart anyway.

she was with her mother, her mother was in line paying and she asked if she could go to see the books while she was waiting in line, at that age you have to give them some freedom, they don't have or want to be with you 24/7. Same happened the second time she did it at other store, after some time passed, we gave her back some trust to see what she was going to do with her freedom.

So, in short, your daughter is desperately unhappy, to the point of attempting suicide, and the punishment for that is abandonment?

This was actually a cruel remark! and yes I know why she attempted suicide: she was dating this guy and they were going to be in a group in a party were there was going to be adult supervision. before she went i told her; Stay always in a group, if you go alone with him, you are going to create an opportunity for him to take advantage of you. Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want, call me anytime and i will pick you up no questions asked. Well, she did the contrary, went alone with the kid, he asked for a blow job, she did not refuse, that happened twice and then he broke up with her after that, She felt dirty, used and then came the depression. I know because she told us.
I have to ask something, were all you guys leave? I have friends that are in the foster care system that are wonderful people, they are example to us and we have even consider doing that because of the mission they are doing. We hear the stories of parents being mean with the sponsor parents. We have given our kids the best we can not in regards to things but care and love, My wife is a psychologist with a bright professional carrier in front of her, she gave that up to stay with our kids, so no child care will educate our kids, if we consider the foster system is because what we have seen heard and witnessed doesn't reflect any of what I have read here.
Some update, we went today to the police intake, to seek assistance, we want our daughter to know that we are reaching out to the larger community for help, we are all going to enroll in program to see if that works, Let's see what happens, is part of the process for the judge to evaluate the need for intervention, we all will be evaluated, and learn new skills I Hope! my bill one year in therapy for us individually and as a group was more that $20.000 dollars. I do not regret that spending if I could see better results.
As someone mentioned, many kids are doing worst things, that is true, I don't want to wait until mi daughter is one of them.

 

[singledad]

This was actually a cruel remark!

Yes, it was cruel, and I'm sorry. I had a few moments where I had nothing to do, and checked the forum on my phone. You post triggered an intense emotional response with me - probably more based on my own history than on what you wrote, and I logged on and posted without thinking. My mother signed me over to the state at 13. I was then placed in foster care where... well. Let's just say there was abuse. I should have known better than to post while I was that emotional. I will edit my post when I've finished this one.

(I also apologize for my atrocious spelling, although I blame my phone for that )

With that said - I can't see that your daughter will be able to see this as anything other than abandonment. She needs you. Please don't give up on her!

As for what we said about foster care - I don't have the studies at my finger tips now, but I could probably find them again if I tried. What they say is that children are several times more likely to be abused either physically or sexually in foster homes than with their parents. And these studies were done in the US and the UK, not some obscure third-world country. And then there are the innumerable stories about foster parents giving up with "difficult" children and requested that they be placed elsewhere. Thus you get a child that is thrown around from one home to the other, with her behavioural problems getting worse with each move, and her chances of finding a long-term places decreasing accordingly.

Please - for the sake of your daughter - just spend some time googling the foster care system. Your friends sound admirable, but sadly they are probably closer to being the exception than the rule. What you have seen and heard does NOT reflect the reality. Not in the US or anywhere else in the world. Besides, even a 1% chance that she would be abused in foster care should be too much for you to consider taking that risk.

we are reaching out to the larger community for help, we are all going to enroll in program to see if that works, Let's see what happens, is part of the process for the judge to evaluate the need for intervention, we all will be evaluated, and learn new skills I Hope!

That does sound more hopeful than simply signing her over to foster care.

I also like the boys and girls town suggestion. Didn't know that was international. If you truly feel that you can't keep her safe, please consider that before you put her in foster care!

 

[singledad]

Mods, could I ask you to edit the posts where my rude rant was quoted?

 

[jmvisa]

Yes, it was cruel, and I'm sorry.

Singledad thank you and I can understand this could be very difficult issues for many people.
In regards to send her to one of this homes for troubled kids, we had a bad experience when she was sent to the psychiatric clinic, there she made friendship with some kids more troubled than she was.
Two things I have got so far from the replays, 1; Don't place her in foster care, no matter if my intentions are good and loving, although that has been put into question, a fact, that actually makes me look deeper in why people feels so strong about it. 2; take actions against the boyfriend, I didn't want to do that, he is also very young and with his conviction that action could affect him more, I also feel for his parents they are in a situation very similar to mine and I know, they are doing all they can, but now is her or him.
"Posted from my phone"

 

[Father_0f_7]

We love our daughter

Then don't give up on her. Before my middle son when to rehab we didn't just give up on him. We got him help. We are his parents, it's in the job description.

We are worry that our daughter's behavior is a danger to herself

I can almost guarantee you that putting her in foster care is just going to make it worse.

We have a 13 year old boy that has his friends and roots in this area

I'm glad you're thinking of your son, but think of your daughter too. Is he more important than her? She has roots, she has friends (although it seems they aren't the "right" friends). Moving away would change everyone's life, without a doubt, but sometimes it's what needs to be done.

I have a moral obligation with this people also.

When I was working I had a moral obligation to my colleagues. The obligation to my FAMILY, my CHILDREN, were far more important (and still are) than anything else in my life.

at that age you have to give them some freedom, they don't have or want to be with you 24/7

Not when they are acting the way she is, not when you can't trust them.

I'm really trying not to be rude, because I don't want to be, but this is making me sick to my stomach. I don't understand the logic in this situation.

 

[teenage_parent]

it seems that the cause of her misbehaving is the boyfriend? or at least that's what you think. am i right?

i read your post and the one thing missing is a clear understanding on why she is doing all these things?

i don't think the boyfriend is the cause, i think the relationship with the "bad guy", the drinking, etc are all effects. but there is a cause.

do you know?

 

[jmvisa]

i read your post and the one thing missing is a clear understanding on why she is doing all these things?

i don't think the boyfriend is the cause, i think the relationship with the "bad guy", the drinking, etc are all effects. but there is a cause.

do you know?

You are right the most profound root of the problem is that our daughter is attracted to the wrong crowd, she has a very intellectual character and is introverted, this kind of people gives her a rush of excitement she cant find in any other activities, we have signed her to so many activities chosen by her and by us, but she can't find a passion we try to keep her busy all we can, is in several activities were she can make good friends kids that can influence her live in a positive way, but to her, they are nerds and boring.
We take bad decisions sometimes and i take my responsibility in allowing our daughter to date this guy, this was our reasoning for that decision before i am crucified for that. Our daughter had been doing great for about a year and a half, in school, had few new friends, was away from the bad apples. When the ex-boyfriend was allowed to comeback to school this year all her emotions came back and the firs week she contacted him, we said don't do that. This were her words "I love him, he has changed I changed, every one needs an opportunity, if the school allowed him to come back is because he is straight, he is in probation so he has to behave. Give me a chance to show you that I have matured and can take good decisions. I have not c
onfronted your authority for more than a year and have been in general a good kid " and that was true" so please let me date him, I don't want to do that behind your back. What she said made sense and we instituted the tree strike program I talked about in the first post. You know the rest of the story.
This kid has too much influence over my daughter, and she is so obsess with him, that no consequence is hard. When the problems started he suggested to her to leave and he would hide her in different places, he was getting a deal selling some pot and he would get money to take care of her. I called the kid's dad and showed him the text messages between them, he thanked me and agreed to as he could and he has done it. He is in a similar or even worst situation.

2; take actions against the boyfriend

This advice I decided to follow suggested in a previous post can't be done. I consulted the legal possibilities and since he is also a minor that can't be done.
PLEASE READ
I believe most people is missing several facts in the original post.
1- I am reaching out for help, sound concise help! I have been kicking my butt long and hard enough for the things I did wrong educating my daughter and the harsh judgment of some people is not helping me, neither my daughter.
2- Have you noticed the icon in the title of my post? there is not a thumbs up or happy face... I don't like this direction either! That is why i am posting here, looking for people that has been in a similar situation, that can tell what they did and if that worked?
3-No one has asked why we are taking the foster home direction; Our friend, her daughter when trough a situation very similar to ours and she placed her in a foster home, " well the court did" That experience helped the daughter to realize the situation in her home was not that bad and asked to come back, "the experience made me realize my parents loved me, my live was very good and I could not see that, because I was more focussed in criticizing and being a pain in the butt" This is exactly what our friend 's daughter said she to me. Still even with that testimony i didn't want my daughter with a strange family, I was actually searching for similar experiences positive or negatives.
4- I am sure you can feel very strong about many things. I can actually consider child endangerment if you smoke around a kid, and you are a bad parent to give such a bad example, but that is not for me to sayit to you and less to say it that way. If you are going to reach out and give advice to someone, that person will not be open if you just launch in an attack of criticism and judgement, that person might just skip to the next post and if you feel that strong and care about the child in question, you probably just missed your chance to help him/her and the parents to do the right thing. If you feel really strong about a subject, I would suggest cool down and comeback to the post later. Ask questions, engage the person in conversation so the person can see the mistake by himself/herself.

 

[momandmore]

Is there anything positive that she enjoys? Sports, reading, games, Community services... anything?

I'm sorry, I really don't have any suggestions other than the birth control which was already mentioned. we are going through that with my 17yo stepdaughter. She is going to do that with or without permission.


I did want to add that I too was in a foster home, also abused there. I became pregnant while in the foster home. My foster mom was vvery upset because my mother would not sign the papers for her to make me have an abortion. She would put things in my food to try to cause a miscarraige (good thing I worked at a restaraunt) My room was in the basement and She often threatened to push me down the stairs to terminate the pregnancy. I finally had to contact the police myself as I was not allowed to speak to my mother at the time.

My foster mother was a meth addict. She stole money that I was saving up and filled another girl's prescription for her back pain medicine. My foster mom ended up overdosing after her husband left her. She put on a really good front. She was very active in her church as well.

I know kids, esp teens can be hard to handle and rebel a lot.. some more than others. Please don't give up on her. All good parents make sacrifices for their children and I mean no disrespect when I say that.

Good Luck

 

[teenage_parent]

there must be something that the boyfriend provides that's making her want to stay in the relationship. she has a need that he fulfills. that's what you need to find out. what is he providing her that she things she needs or wants?

excitement? importance? know what that is. when you know then you can find a way on how you can be the one to give it to her instead of the boyfriend.

don't second guess it. observe. research. talk with her. talk with the boyfriend. talk with the friends. consult a professional.

my other advice is a contraception which was already mentioned because it's already happening. there's nothing you can do about it because it's happening like it or not.

 

[Flowers]

jmvisa am so sorry, I can imagine what your family is going through. This is indeed a great forum where we share ideas and support each other however you are the only person who knows the magnitude of what you are going through. Weigh all the options and do what you think is right.