Is having kids worth it?...

[LittleBlackCats]

I know it's a weird question on a PARENTING forum, but bear with me.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years (married for 3). We have been, for the most part, avoiding the baby topic for 3 years.

Neither one of us has a burning need to be parents. We're pretty on the fence about it. But I'll be 35 at the end of the year, so we need to decide if it is something we are going to do, and decide soon.

The problem is that when we talk about it, there's plenty of things to put on the con side of the list, but the pro side is pretty empty. We don't have kids, so I don't know the good parts of it. Everyone we know who has kids can easily fill up the con side, but then turn right around and tell us it's totally worth it. I'm sorry, but I don't have a frame of reference for how awesome it is to see your new baby smile for the first time.

So I'm asking. Is it worth it? All the good, all the bad, knowing what you know now, is it worth it? Would you do it all over again? How did you know you were ready?

My biggest fear is that I'll find out I'm not cut out for parenthood <I>after</I> the fact. If we have kids and I find I like it, great. But if I find I don't, then some poor kid has to deal with the fact I suck. That isn't fair to the kid.

So ANY advice is welcome. It's unfortunate there isn't a baby counselor we can talk to, to evaluate us and our relationship to tell us if the odds look good, at least.

Thanks for your time.

 

[mom2many]

I had 8 kids.....

My answer is obviously going to be yes lol, but just cause my answer is yes doesn't mean your answer should be.

Look, kids are a lot of work, especially in those first five years. There is a lot of sleepless nights, temper tantrums over who know's what half the time, and messes, hell that's all the negative I can think of actually, but you get so much in return.

The love a child offers, and the love you feel for the child. The kisses, the I love you's, the pride they feel in their first stick figure or learn how to spell their name, the wonder in their eye's when they stick their head under water for the first time and don't drown. Children offer a view of the world, that us adults often take for granted, and for the first time in a long time we see it.

So sure, the hard is hard....but the rest, that's the easy part.

 

[Vdad]

Yes, it is a strange question to ask here. But therein lies your answer. We're obviously pro parent, we like being parents and we like having families, even with all the blood, sweat and tears...but without the benefit of Fogarty in the background.

So, maybe you need to hear that. But if you do, then you're telling yourself something. Being a parent either happens by accident, or it happens planfully, If you've ruled out both, which is basically why you're still childless...then what you're telling yourself is that you probably don't want to have a family. No amount of someone else's experience or opinion will change that. And the biological clock isn't enough of a reason, either. The feelings are either there or not, it's not like they are likely to change.

 

[Flowers]

A child's future is worth every sacrifice.
Many times our children will never know the sacrifices and struggles we take to be the best possible parent that we can be. They are worth it! Not a day goes by that I don't appreciate having my kids and value every second I have with them...they are my World. I'd be incomplete without them.

 

[flynntr]

Thanks for sharing

 

[cybele]

If you're questioning it that heavily I would go with no, it might not be the right fit for you.

I think a lot of people believe that every parent will magically fall into being happy with kids, just because it's the done thing, but not every parent does. To put it personally to me, for me, it was worth it, that's why I have 5 of them, for my parents, it wasn't worth it, and yeah, the kid knows.

 

[Renesme]

Being a parent is really tough, but then it does give a happiness in it's own ways.

 

[JGPS]

Parenting can be quite happy and rewarding and such, but that's more a side-effect than a main feature.

Parenting gets you outside yourself and gives yourself to the future. Your values, qualities, identity, and life are remade in a new form that will go beyond you.

The future belongs to those who show up for it. Do you have anything to give the future or not?

But don't think about liking parenting or not. That was never the point. A great many worthy endevours are not very likable, probably most of them.

Parenting is about what you can give, not about what you want or what you can get. It is all about what you can give to the future.

The fact that giving brings people happiness is one of those glorious mysteries of life that transcends all things. But giving of yourself is still the point, if you don't give for giving sake the happiness that comes won't be the same.

 

[katherinep]

I know it's a weird question on a PARENTING forum, but bear with me.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years (married for 3). We have been, for the most part, avoiding the baby topic for 3 years.

Neither one of us has a burning need to be parents. We're pretty on the fence about it. But I'll be 35 at the end of the year, so we need to decide if it is something we are going to do, and decide soon.

The problem is that when we talk about it, there's plenty of things to put on the con side of the list, but the pro side is pretty empty. We don't have kids, so I don't know the good parts of it. Everyone we know who has kids can easily fill up the con side, but then turn right around and tell us it's totally worth it. I'm sorry, but I don't have a frame of reference for how awesome it is to see your new baby smile for the first time.

So I'm asking. Is it worth it? All the good, all the bad, knowing what you know now, is it worth it? Would you do it all over again? How did you know you were ready?

My biggest fear is that I'll find out I'm not cut out for parenthood <I>after</I> the fact. If we have kids and I find I like it, great. But if I find I don't, then some poor kid has to deal with the fact I suck. That isn't fair to the kid.

So ANY advice is welcome. It's unfortunate there isn't a baby counselor we can talk to, to evaluate us and our relationship to tell us if the odds look good, at least.

Thanks for your time.

Even with tons of cons and no pros at all. Having kids is totally worth it..