is my stepson lazy?...

[yorkie8971]

hi
i have a very plain and simple question,my stepson does not get up for school in a morning if his mother doesnt physically wake him,he has an alarm clock right by him.He is 11 years old so i personally think he is old enough to wake himself,all his friends get up bye themselves,i just wondered if this is normal or should we be tougher on him as there has been many of times we have not woken him so he gets to school about 10am.,he catches the bus and if he misses it we have to take him but we work so it can causes problems.
it may seem like im overacting with this but his mother says this is normal and therefore accepts this,he is also very lazy,do you think this is a lazyness issue?
thanks lee.

 

[fallon]

I don't know, I wouldn't say it's abnormal for an 11 yr old to need to be woke up by his parents. What time is going to bed? and how do you know ALL of his friends wake up on their own in the morning (not attacking just wondering)

 

[yorkie8971]

he goes to bed around 9pm,i guess im going on what they tell me which i shouldnt but his friends come to our house in the morning and have to get my stepson out of bed because he just wont get up they usually leave him and go to school with out him as he makes all of them late,my stepson doesnt participate in ANY sports at all,he wont ever do anything we ask him,tidy room etc his hobby is xbox360.

 

[fallon]

ok well here's what I would do....sit him down and explain to him that it's time he start learning how to be more responsible for himself. Move bedtime up to 8:30 and limit the xbox time to like an hour a day, same with TV (limit it) explain to him that he's becoming a young man and you and his mother want to make sure he is the best man he can be. It need to be a calm supportive disscussion or you'll fail big time. If he feels he is being attacked chances are good he'll shut down. Put the loudest alarm you can find by his bed and make sure it's set every night. Make him get up 1/2 hour early also. Explain to him that when he starts making more responsible choices about his time you can sit down again and talk about extending game time, TV time, and bedtime

 

[FooserX]

You could also maybe appeal to this teenage desires....girls?

Sit down and talk with him about what it means to be a balanced individual. It's important to put time in school, home, body, spirit, etc. In addition to that...girls are not attracted to lazy guys with no motivation. Popular kids and people are usually the ones who are...well...interesting...and have things going for them.

What he is doing now is shaping his life in the future...but maybe he's too young to get that?

They also make alarm clocks that bounce around the room. Maybe put an alarm (or 2) in his room away from him...so he has to get up to shut them off.

Staying in bed is all well and fine...but when you start missing the bus, or causing other family members inconvenience, that is just rediculous and should not be tolerated. No Xbox...no friends...nada!

Just some thoughts!

 

[yorkie8971]

thanks fallon,yes i agree entirely,im just shopping online now and ive seen a 113 db alarm clock(that should do the trick)what im going to do is tell him if he doesnt start and get himself up in a morning there will be no xbox that night and the rest of the time it will be 1-2 hours a night.
thanks again!!i just wanted to make sure that it wasnt me (been the step parent,always a tough position to be in)getting on his back about this,i just needed some back up.

 

[yorkie8971]

thanks fooserx
its nice that my frustrations with this are heard and understood,his mother wont discipline him so it comes back to me thats why im here!!i needed some help to make some decisions.
thanks you guys for the info
lee.

 

[fallon]

you're welcome. with the right guidence I'm sure he will be fine. In you postion though you stand a better shot with him if you present you side in a calm manner. If the attitude starts coming from it's time to end the disscussion and send him off to his room to calm down. Tell him you want to talk to him man to man, not man to child and when he's ready you'll try again

 

[Teresa]

My girls are 18 and 15, and they wake up easier if it's my voice waking them than if it's an alarm clock. I tell them it's time to wake up, then I give them five minutes and tell them it's time to GET up. That's how we've always done it since they started school, and I'm sure we'll continue it until they leave home, since I did with my son/

 

[musicmom]

I can't believe the mother allows this. In our district if the are late all the time they can get kicked out of school or a truant officer comes to the parents and the parents are held responsible.
I agree with Fooser. Put a few alarm clocks in his room. You are not over reacting IF it's really happening. Your husband can find out his records it's HIS son.

 

[Teresa]

I have to agree about the constant lateness...that is totally ridiculous, and I would never allow that to happen with my children. THAT is irresponsible parenting, IMO.

 

[FooserX]

THAT is irresponsible parenting, IMO.

That is harsh

True though!

lol.

This should have been addressed the first time it happened, or any laziness for that matter.

Last night, my 4 year old son came from the kitchen, and we talked about a small piece of garbage that was on the floor. I asked him why he didn't pick it up since he saw it. He said "well...I didn't put it there, so I shouldn't have to clean it."

Haha.

I said "So we don't ever help out around the house when it's not our mess?" He said no.

I was like "I guess from now on you'll be doing your own laundry, dishes, and cooking, hey?"

He got the gist after a few minutes of talking and went to clean it up.

Not the SAME thing, but it still is the beginning of laziness...thinking that one only does what they HAVE to do, and never any extra effort.

 

[yorkie8971]

I have to agree about the constant lateness...that is totally ridiculous, and I would never allow that to happen with my children. THAT is irresponsible parenting, IMO.

Its automatic to blame parents, i understand that but we have a very difficult child,he is adhd which we have under control now around 85%,my wife and i have gone through hell and back with our son and yes i agree that some of the faults have been ours but i think when a child is lazy and determined to be lazy it makes it tough what ever discipline actions you take!!we have done everything and i mean everything to help him be a better person but he doesnt listen much.The instance somebody was saying about picking up trash well that would never happen with him he is way to stubborn,he might pick it up one time but that will be it.
thanks for your replies

 

[FooserX]

My son is 4.

My point was that parents need to start teaching these lessons early on. Like cleaning rooms, and making beds...at 3 and 4, they can do it just fine.

Better to teach them young, then wait until they grow old, and are used to not doing it.

 

[Teresa]

Its automatic to blame parents, i understand that but we have a very difficult child,he is adhd which we have under control now around 85%,my wife and i have gone through hell and back with our son and yes i agree that some of the faults have been ours but i think when a child is lazy and determined to be lazy it makes it tough what ever discipline actions you take!!we have done everything and i mean everything to help him be a better person but he doesnt listen much.The instance somebody was saying about picking up trash well that would never happen with him he is way to stubborn,he might pick it up one time but that will be it.
thanks for your replies

My 18 year old is very difficult, and has ADHD, and has dealt with other emotional issues throughout her life. That does not, in our house, give her a pass on obeying the household rules and living up to the household standards...she needs MORE rules and MORE structure than her brother and sister, in fact. We've had to be extremely consistent, and do things over, and over, and over, but eventually the lessons do get learned. A 3 year old who gets picked up out of bed and taken somewhere in her pajamas a few times learns quickly that she DOES have to get up and get dressed when Mom tells her to do so, and that the world does NOT have to wait for her.

 

[yorkie8971]

My son is 4.

My point was that parents need to start teaching these lessons early on. Like cleaning rooms, and making beds...at 3 and 4, they can do it just fine.

Better to teach them young, then wait until they grow old, and are used to not doing it.

i totally agree fooser and thats what we did but the battle never ends,everything is a fight and has been now for the last 5 years,it grows old and very tiresome,my wife and i have argued endlessly about all this and i think she too is just tired of the fights over a simple task like tidy your room please,she just follows him around now to stop such a fight with her son,not sure if you have been around a child with full blown adhd(maximum dose)but it is very intense,eg one particular evening we grounded him for not getting up and getting to school on time,that day he reported both his mother and myself to school for abuse,he told the teachers i have tried to cut him with knives,lock him in closets for hours and plenty of other fun stories about his mother and i which resulted us both being in cps,of course the case was thrown out-no scars or bruises and all the stories didnt make sense so these are the lengths he will go to just because...he doesnt want to do ANYTHING that isnt for himself.
sorry about the long post,just letting you all know what we are up against
thanks lee.

 

[Kaytee]

well said Teresa

 

[Teresa]

i one particular evening we grounded him for not getting up and getting to school on time,that day he reported both his mother and myself to school for abuse,he told the teachers i have tried to cut him with knives,lock him in closets for hours and plenty of other fun stories about his mother and i which resulted us both being in cps.

Been there, done that. We just let her know that we were the parents, we were in charge, and she did NOT run our house. Allegations were not going to change our rules or our consequences, and would just result in discipline measures for lying added onto everything else. That's what I mean about being consistent, and standing your ground.

 

[yorkie8971]

Been there, done that. We just let her know that we were the parents, we were in charge, and she did NOT run our house. Allegations were not going to change our rules or our consequences, and would just result in discipline measures for lying added onto everything else. That's what I mean about being consistent, and standing your ground.

teresa i think we could go on all day...lol we just have to do our best and take whats thrown at us every day.good luck with everything!!
lee