Hey everyone! Last week my son's friend came home to play and I noticed some scars on his hands and legs. On asking him, he said that he was hit by his father for not obeying him. He had asked him to do his school work and instead he got busy playing video games. He says that his father is strict and he wants him to be disciplined. Well, I can understand how difficult it can be to deal with boys of this age. But, using physical force is just not right. Discussing about this to my husband, he said that it's fine to do so. If the child is way to naughty, then sometimes physical force is the only solution. But I completely disagree to it. In order to support my point I checked google for some help and I found this blog. http://www.torontodefencelawyers.com/blog/is-it-a-crime-to/crime-spank-child/[/url] It seems like spanking your child becomes a crime only when its unreasonable. So, how do you consider this over strictness? Is it a crime or not?
Is spanking your child right?...
- Thread starter Helina
- Start date
There's much here that's troubling.
Let's start with your characterization that it's "difficult dealing with boys this age", which somehow normalizes "difficulty", makes it age related, and perhaps most disturbingly, unique to boys. As a father to 2, my own experience is that the "Unique" challenges of boyhood are most difficult to those who lack the understanding and flexibility to know how to help boys channel and redirect their "Boyness". The problem is in the parenting, not the gender of the offspring.
Second, there's tons of data, both anecdotal and more importantly scientific that corporal punishment is harmful. Period. The purpose of punishment is to provide a learning experience, not to cause harm., and not to provide an emotional vent for the frustrations of parenting.
Third, and most importantly in the example you're citing, regardless of one's feelings about corporal punishment, scars and bruises aren't at all in any way reflective of "Mere" punishment, but are evidence of downright abuse and should be treated as such.
You have a tendency of posting very provocative questions that at the very least miss the point, or perhaps don't and are intended to antagonize, and I have to ask you a question in reply: What's your point?
Let's start with your characterization that it's "difficult dealing with boys this age", which somehow normalizes "difficulty", makes it age related, and perhaps most disturbingly, unique to boys. As a father to 2, my own experience is that the "Unique" challenges of boyhood are most difficult to those who lack the understanding and flexibility to know how to help boys channel and redirect their "Boyness". The problem is in the parenting, not the gender of the offspring.
Second, there's tons of data, both anecdotal and more importantly scientific that corporal punishment is harmful. Period. The purpose of punishment is to provide a learning experience, not to cause harm., and not to provide an emotional vent for the frustrations of parenting.
Third, and most importantly in the example you're citing, regardless of one's feelings about corporal punishment, scars and bruises aren't at all in any way reflective of "Mere" punishment, but are evidence of downright abuse and should be treated as such.
You have a tendency of posting very provocative questions that at the very least miss the point, or perhaps don't and are intended to antagonize, and I have to ask you a question in reply: What's your point?
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Son, do your homework.
Okay, after I finish this level.
No, now.
But...
(unplugging controller from console) You can have this back when you learn to obey.
Spanking as it's usually applied in the 20th and 21st centuries is a misguided religious concept based on several passages in Judeo-Christian text, none of which equate sparing the rod to spoiling the child (that's a line from a secular poem).
https://www.openbible.info/topics/spanking_children
I say misguided because modern application fails to include compassion (a central element of Judeo-Christian beliefs) and fails to understand that the rod was for extreme cases. Even in horse-training there's (from gentle to harsh) neck-reining, bits and rein-tugging, touching or tapping with the crop, and thrashing. Sadly, spanking has become the go-to measure of discipline when compassionate measures would be more effective.
As a Jew I stand firm to what most people know as the Old Testament, including the concept of reasoning together before you escalate a situation. What I mean is, an immediate call to CPS seems a bit extreme for what appears to be overzealous parenting as opposed to someone who flies into a fit of rage and knocks his kids around putting them in physical danger (I've seen cases resulting in bilateral spica casting for the child and prison for the parent, so yes, I know the difference).
I would first try speaking with the father first. If he is a religious man I would also talk to his leader. Suggest other methods of correction and make him aware that spanking as he applies it is psychologically damaging. If you continue to see signs of abuse, THEN call CPS.
Edit: I think it's also important to let kids know when they are doing right. I don't mean paying them with candy and extra privileges, but age-appropriate words of encouragement. If the kid is playing video games, a simple 'thank you' is probably enough when he gets it right.
Okay, after I finish this level.
No, now.
But...
(unplugging controller from console) You can have this back when you learn to obey.
Spanking as it's usually applied in the 20th and 21st centuries is a misguided religious concept based on several passages in Judeo-Christian text, none of which equate sparing the rod to spoiling the child (that's a line from a secular poem).
https://www.openbible.info/topics/spanking_children
I say misguided because modern application fails to include compassion (a central element of Judeo-Christian beliefs) and fails to understand that the rod was for extreme cases. Even in horse-training there's (from gentle to harsh) neck-reining, bits and rein-tugging, touching or tapping with the crop, and thrashing. Sadly, spanking has become the go-to measure of discipline when compassionate measures would be more effective.
As a Jew I stand firm to what most people know as the Old Testament, including the concept of reasoning together before you escalate a situation. What I mean is, an immediate call to CPS seems a bit extreme for what appears to be overzealous parenting as opposed to someone who flies into a fit of rage and knocks his kids around putting them in physical danger (I've seen cases resulting in bilateral spica casting for the child and prison for the parent, so yes, I know the difference).
I would first try speaking with the father first. If he is a religious man I would also talk to his leader. Suggest other methods of correction and make him aware that spanking as he applies it is psychologically damaging. If you continue to see signs of abuse, THEN call CPS.
Edit: I think it's also important to let kids know when they are doing right. I don't mean paying them with candy and extra privileges, but age-appropriate words of encouragement. If the kid is playing video games, a simple 'thank you' is probably enough when he gets it right.
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Spanking as it's usually applied in the 20th and 21st centuries is usually an expression of parental frustration and an inability to exert self control coupled with a lack of knowledge or creativity in verbal responsiveness to the actual behavior.stepdad703 said:
Folks have used many justifications for their behavior thru the ages, falling back on "Religion" is but one of the more handy ones, as faith based justifications, by their very nature, defy the actual abilities to respond in other, perhaps less immediately satisfying, ways. Who can argue with the reasoning behind "God's will"?