My daughter met and married a guy she met at work. She had a 3 year old son at the time from a previous marriage. The previous husband was physically and mentally abusive to her but as far as I know not to their son although he did witness much of the abuse. When she divorced the previous husband she cut all ties with his family and refused to let them see her son. He had aunts and cousins and grandparents that loved her son but she cut them all off anyway.
The new guy was being called "Dad" within 6 weeks of meeting our grandson. We though it was odd and strange behavior but have learnt that we MUST go along with our daughters behavior or we would too be removed from their lives. At this point they decided to proceed as iff the old father and his family have never existed. Our Grandson talked about them though. We never encouraged this and we too went along with this charade that they NEVER existed.
The new father seemed to be strict which we stayed out of but he told a couple of stories that raised our eyebrows and caused us concerns. The first story was when our grandson was 4 years old. He said, as we believe many grandchildren do when they dont get what they want "I want to live with GiGi". Our new son in law stripped him naked and put him outside the front of the house telling him, "You will leave with what you have, your mother gave you everything you have so you will leave with nothing". This came from my son in laws own words. We were horrified but knew we couldn't say anything as we walk on eggshells with our daughter. There were many instances of what we thought were over the top rules for this child but we've all had them so we overlooked them.
My daughter also became pregnant within 2 months of meeting this man and they married. They have two other children together that we love as much as the first and have a huge strong bond with them.
The new father began working for us and it was a strained relationship. To cut a long story short we didnt get on and parted ways after an argument. During these final weeks working for us our grandson told us that "Daddy spanks him like he has bricks in his hand" and the next incident a few weeks later was that "Daddy punched me in the stomach in a restaurant and grandma(Our son in laws own mother) was really mad at him".
We went around their house to talk to them. I was stern and said "We need to talk" to which he replied "We're not talking about nothing, you will never see my kids again". I do admit that my anger from our work relationship carried over to our family relationship. I also admit that I should never have gone to his home and confronted him in front of his kids and wife. They have now made the decision that we cannot see the kids. They tell us that the kids dont even ask for us but we just know that is not true. We spoke to, facetimed or saw those kids every day for 6 years.
Is this behviour normal and should we have had concerns with our new soninlaw?
The new guy was being called "Dad" within 6 weeks of meeting our grandson. We though it was odd and strange behavior but have learnt that we MUST go along with our daughters behavior or we would too be removed from their lives. At this point they decided to proceed as iff the old father and his family have never existed. Our Grandson talked about them though. We never encouraged this and we too went along with this charade that they NEVER existed.
The new father seemed to be strict which we stayed out of but he told a couple of stories that raised our eyebrows and caused us concerns. The first story was when our grandson was 4 years old. He said, as we believe many grandchildren do when they dont get what they want "I want to live with GiGi". Our new son in law stripped him naked and put him outside the front of the house telling him, "You will leave with what you have, your mother gave you everything you have so you will leave with nothing". This came from my son in laws own words. We were horrified but knew we couldn't say anything as we walk on eggshells with our daughter. There were many instances of what we thought were over the top rules for this child but we've all had them so we overlooked them.
My daughter also became pregnant within 2 months of meeting this man and they married. They have two other children together that we love as much as the first and have a huge strong bond with them.
The new father began working for us and it was a strained relationship. To cut a long story short we didnt get on and parted ways after an argument. During these final weeks working for us our grandson told us that "Daddy spanks him like he has bricks in his hand" and the next incident a few weeks later was that "Daddy punched me in the stomach in a restaurant and grandma(Our son in laws own mother) was really mad at him".
We went around their house to talk to them. I was stern and said "We need to talk" to which he replied "We're not talking about nothing, you will never see my kids again". I do admit that my anger from our work relationship carried over to our family relationship. I also admit that I should never have gone to his home and confronted him in front of his kids and wife. They have now made the decision that we cannot see the kids. They tell us that the kids dont even ask for us but we just know that is not true. We spoke to, facetimed or saw those kids every day for 6 years.
Is this behviour normal and should we have had concerns with our new soninlaw?