kids knowing too much?...

kittyloki

Junior Member
May 6, 2013
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I usually am pretty open with my 6 year old daughter.
My daughter's school was teaching them about saving money. I was talking to my daughter about her bank account and that we were putting away money for college. She was excited to hear that because she wants to go to school to be a vet.

She asked me if I went to college and I told her no. She knows I dropped out of high school when I was younger.

She went 'oh yea! You didn't go to college because you got pregnant'.

I was like eh. I didn't know what to say. She says that she doesn't want to get pregnant until she finishes college. I'm worried she knows too much for her age. But maybe it is a good thing.

Any one else caught between education kids and letting them know too much?
 

yunihara

PF Enthusiast
Nov 22, 2010
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Nebraska
I don't know. Its tough to discern what a child can understand or not. I don't think it necessarily a bad thing for her to want to wait to have children, but it seems strange that a 6-year-old would be thinking about pregnancy and when she'll get pregnant (maybe its because my 6-year-old is a boy? All he worries about is school and the dog lol). I also wouldn't want her to see your decision to have a baby be completely negative. She should know it will change her life completely, but it seems like a conversation to have around 13 or 14. Maybe I'm old fashioned lol.

I'm fairly open and generally honest (some things we sugar coat for the younger kids). I think just make sure you're ready for questions and be able to explain your honesty on a level she can understand. I don't talk about things like sex and such around the kids, though. I don't need the 6 and 2 year old repeating inappropriate things haha.
 

akmom

PF Fiend
May 22, 2012
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United States
Just be honest. Tell her you chose to be a parent first, and get your education later in life. (You mentioned in another thread you are saving up for college.) Acknowledge the benefits of doing it in a different order. I had my first kid when I was 22. We know a couple who waited until their late 30's to have kids, and they always say, "You know, there are benefits to having kids when you're younger, and there are benefits to having kids when you're older."

The pros/cons might be lost on a 6-year-old, but I think you should keep the dialogue open. Kids look to their parents as their first role models. That doesn't mean you have epitomize what your children should become; it just means that your experiences will be their first examples. You don't have to justify it or apologize for it. Just be honest about the sacrifices and rewards, and keep the focus on how to achieve their own goals.
 

tradtke

Junior Member
Dec 22, 2013
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I'm a parent-to-be, so pardon my lack of experience, but I think these days control of how much and what type of information is impossible. Maybe we should embrace the idea when a kid wants to know more information. Maybe its not control what they know, but controlling how they interpret it? Make sure they know that if there are any questions about a topic they found we are willing to help them understand it.
 

jimrich

PF Regular
Sep 13, 2014
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kittyloki said:
She asked me if I went to college and I told her no. She knows I dropped out of high school when I was younger.
Does she know WHY you dropped out?
She went 'oh yea! You didn't go to college because you got pregnant'.
Is that TRUE?

I was like eh. I didn't know what to say.
You got EMBARRASSED and speechless! You could have explained things to her or just admitted that her response was EMBARRASSING!

She says that she doesn't want to get pregnant until she finishes college. I'm worried she knows too much for her age. But maybe it is a good thing.
You're not "worried" - you're EMBARRASSED that she knows just enough (too much) to make you feel guilty!

Any one else caught between education kids and letting them know too much?
I'd rather a kid be educated in everything even at the risk of EMBARRASSING others with their knowledge or understanding. If she truly was "educated" she might have said something a little less DISTURBING to you about why you dropped out of school. Her "education" is not the problem. Your hyper sensitivity and shame is the problem!
 

bobspock100

Banned
Jan 10, 2015
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amsterdam, netherlands
I am used to the kids learning everything at a very young age so they are totally comfortable dealing with things as they grow. in Amsterdam the kids all learn everything about sex when they are about 7 years old (3rd grade) so that by the time they start to develop and have interests, they are quite used to it all and deal with it intelligently and logically. almost all of the young girls make the decision to retain their virginity at least until they are finished with primary school (grade 12) which is normally when they are 16, and often beyond that until they finish the university at about age 20. for this reason I totally believe in teaching them young. its when you withhold information and make a big deal out of things and try to suppress things and hide them, etc., that all the problems start, because as we all know in every country, kids will be kids.
 

singledad

PF Addict
Oct 26, 2009
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South Africa
I agree with teaching them young.

It always amazez me when people
- leave their kids to learn about alcohol and drugs from their friends, and then are surprised when they get fed misinformation.
- teach their kids nothing about sex, and then are surprised when they don't make informed and responsible decisions about their sexuality.
- teach their kids nothing about sex, and then are shocked when a dodgy teacher/coach/whatever are able to convince them that being molested is a "game".
- etc, etc, etc.

I believe in teaching them about these adult issues little bit at a time from a young age, giving more detail as their understanding develops. It's not easy, but it's important if you want them to grow up and be able to make informed decisions and keep themselves safe.
 

stuffedanimals

Junior Member
Dec 15, 2014
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Shanghai, China
I happened to meet similar situation. One day last winter, my aunt went to the hospital with my mother and my cousins. When we waited for my aunt in the lobby of the hospital, the elder cousin asked me:'' Are you pregnant?" I felt so shocked and didn't know what to say. I guess they didn't know much about the pregnancy and just were curious, or even they didn't know what they said.
 

bobspock100

Banned
Jan 10, 2015
119
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amsterdam, netherlands
I don't know the age of the kids involved, but normally these days, most kids pretty much know everything when they are about 10 or 11, and then when they are about 13 they decide to let mom and dad know that they know.
 

CoachBoone77

Junior Member
Jul 18, 2015
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I don't know the age of the kids involved, but normally these days, most kids pretty much know everything when they are about 10 or 11, and then when they are about 13 they decide to let mom and dad know that they know.
I'll quote a former boss of mine when challenged during a seminar he was giving about taxation. A member of the crowd blurted out, "You taught us everything you know, now we won't have to come see you..." To which he replied, "I told you everything you heard, not everything I know."

We think they know everything, but as parents, I think we assume too much too. My successes have all come about through conversation...and strategic action to what I learned. ;-)
 

CraigK

PF Regular
Aug 10, 2015
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San Diego
I would much rather that the information came from me and not from someone else. At least when I'm talking to them, I can control the information. Or at least try to.