I have a bio daughter (8). I married and my wife who has a son(6). I do love him, but to be honest, the love i have for my stepson isnt anything near my love for my daughter. I do love him, but i'm not affectionate to him. I hug him sincerely, but i dont kiss him goodnight like my daughter.
I'm in the national guard and am just returning from deployment. i come home in a few days. Its put a huge stress on our family. My wife claims that i dont show the same love to her son as i do to my daughter. For instance, i dont call her and ask to talk to him on the phone. In reality, i dont have much interest to. When i call my wife, i do it to call my wife, not to talk to my daughter or her son. She says i've shown this type of behavior for some time. I've always favored my daughter when it comes to the children. My wife is extremely family oriented. She has a heart that could love anything. She genuinely, or atleast hides it really well, loves my daughter. She expects that i do the same for her son. If i cant do that for her son, then she cant see us together.
I dont know why its not good enough to just be a good parent. I grew up with both of my parents. I have 2 step brothers that my bio dad raised. I know for sure that my dad did NOT love his stepchildren. He raised them as a good father though the best he could. I love my stepson, but not the way my wife wants me to. I'll raise him, protect him, and treat him like family, but inside, he'll never be the same level as my daughter. I dont blatently treat my stepson differently on purpose. When it comes to material things, i always get both children something, so the other doesnt feel left out. When it comes to compassion, thats where it gets biased.
Am i wrong? Is she wrong? Is our marriage worth dissolving because of lack of empathy or compassion to a step child? Am i Supposed to sincerely love him like my own? Is it fine to just love him unconditionally? Am i not supposed to let my daughter know that shes special even though i have to share my love? How do i do that without my wife thinking i'm leaving the other child out? How do i convince my wife my side of view without her thinking i'm being insensitive and putting her child in the afterburner.
I'm not a sensitive or compassionate person unless it comes to my wife and she knows that. She also thinks i use that as an excuse to not show her son the love she expects me to show. She thinks i'll use any excuse to not love him. I cant defend myself...
PS.. please dont use those annoying parenting acronyms. If you dont have time to spell out a word, you dont have time to thoughtfully reply.
I'm in the national guard and am just returning from deployment. i come home in a few days. Its put a huge stress on our family. My wife claims that i dont show the same love to her son as i do to my daughter. For instance, i dont call her and ask to talk to him on the phone. In reality, i dont have much interest to. When i call my wife, i do it to call my wife, not to talk to my daughter or her son. She says i've shown this type of behavior for some time. I've always favored my daughter when it comes to the children. My wife is extremely family oriented. She has a heart that could love anything. She genuinely, or atleast hides it really well, loves my daughter. She expects that i do the same for her son. If i cant do that for her son, then she cant see us together.
I dont know why its not good enough to just be a good parent. I grew up with both of my parents. I have 2 step brothers that my bio dad raised. I know for sure that my dad did NOT love his stepchildren. He raised them as a good father though the best he could. I love my stepson, but not the way my wife wants me to. I'll raise him, protect him, and treat him like family, but inside, he'll never be the same level as my daughter. I dont blatently treat my stepson differently on purpose. When it comes to material things, i always get both children something, so the other doesnt feel left out. When it comes to compassion, thats where it gets biased.
Am i wrong? Is she wrong? Is our marriage worth dissolving because of lack of empathy or compassion to a step child? Am i Supposed to sincerely love him like my own? Is it fine to just love him unconditionally? Am i not supposed to let my daughter know that shes special even though i have to share my love? How do i do that without my wife thinking i'm leaving the other child out? How do i convince my wife my side of view without her thinking i'm being insensitive and putting her child in the afterburner.
I'm not a sensitive or compassionate person unless it comes to my wife and she knows that. She also thinks i use that as an excuse to not show her son the love she expects me to show. She thinks i'll use any excuse to not love him. I cant defend myself...
PS.. please dont use those annoying parenting acronyms. If you dont have time to spell out a word, you dont have time to thoughtfully reply.
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