Monitoring Kids Music...

[emmagrace]

Hello, I am wondering what you parents think of monitoring kids music? As a child, my music was never monitored, then again when I did listen to music it was rarely, just wasn't a music person back then. When I did, it was mainstream rap, which I kick myself for everyday. I eventually got into my first rock band, Queen and continued on to today where I listen to a large variety of artists and genres.

My opinion? I think kids music should be monitored. My kids will be listening to age appropriate music, the iPod will be periodically checked and all music will be ran through me first. If they must insist on rap, it has to be clean lyrics. Although I wont make them listen to stuff that only I like, I will try to keep them away from violent promoting music, as well as music obviously about sex, etc.

 

[bssage]

I want to try and be as involved as I can. Or can stomach. And listen with them as much as possible. IMO when we ban or take stuff away. It also takes away an opportunity to teach them why? To share what part of a song for example is offensive and why it is offensive. I think you may have a small chance of really controlling them if they are home schooled or otherwise kept away from other influences. But trying to ban something like a type of music will likely backfire making it "the forbidden fruit".

Now you may argue "what about porn & adult restricted lyrics and such." And while my theory may still prove valid to a point. It may evolve into another discussion or lesson on how living within the law and following rules can open the doors to more responsibility and freedoms than ignoring them.

I think modeling is the most long term effective approach. Queen is a great example of the type of things that I really appreciate in music. And their music bridges the years. Take the time to explain why you like what you like. or why you don't. They are bound to likely become influenced by their peers. But that does not close the door to your influence. I would rather them be influenced by what I appreciate than what I don't.

And I dont know about you. But my taste in music continues to evolve. I shouldn't say this aloud. But I am kinda taken with the blues and country lately. Queen is still in my top five though.

 

[emmagrace]

I want to try and be as involved as I can. Or can stomach. And listen with them as much as possible. IMO when we ban or take stuff away. It also takes away an opportunity to teach them why? To share what part of a song for example is offensive and why it is offensive. I think you may have a small chance of really controlling them if they are home schooled or otherwise kept away from other influences. But trying to ban something like a type of music will likely backfire making it "the forbidden fruit".

Now you may argue "what about porn & adult restricted lyrics and such." And while my theory may still prove valid to a point. It may evolve into another discussion or lesson on how living within the law and following rules can open the doors to more responsibility and freedoms than ignoring them.

I think modeling is the most long term effective approach. Queen is a great example of the type of things that I really appreciate in music. And their music bridges the years. Take the time to explain why you like what you like. or why you don't. They are bound to likely become influenced by their peers. But that does not close the door to your influence. I would rather them be influenced by what I appreciate than what I don't.

And I dont know about you. But my taste in music continues to evolve. I shouldn't say this aloud. But I am kinda taken with the blues and country lately. Queen is still in my top five though.

Nothing wrong with the blues or country. I will teach my kids meanings behind songs, why people write songs. Take the blues for examples, people write them out of sadness and yearning. Whether it's about toughing living, or even a woman they wanted but couldn't get, it comes from the heart. And Queen is in my top 5 as well!

 

[mom2many]

Don't monitor at all, walk into just about any store and any type of song will be playing. Why fight it? Instead it is used as a teaching moment...that's provided they even know what it's about. Nine out of 10 times most people know the lyrics but rarely pay attention to what it means.

Take this song..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ez2NCFfVek8

It's fun and it's catchy. My whole house has been singing it since it came out, and only recently have I learned what it means. Shocked my, and yet we still sing it. Why? Because it goes right over the heads of the younger ones, and apparently me also.

 

[emmagrace]

Don't monitor at all, walk into just about any store and any type of song will be playing. Why fight it? Instead it is used as a teaching moment...that's provided they even know what it's about. Nine out of 10 times most people know the lyrics but rarely pay attention to what it means.

Take this song..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ez2NCFfVek8

It's fun and it's catchy. My whole house has been singing it since it came out, and only recently have I learned what it means. Shocked my, and yet we still sing it. Why? Because it goes right over the heads of the younger ones, and apparently me also.

I'd have to respectfully disagree . Kids will find out what it means eventually. I believe they need a strict, no nonsense helping hand out in life.

 

[mom2many]

I'd have to respectfully disagree . Kids will find out what it means eventually. I believe they need a strict, no nonsense helping hand out in life.

True but by the time they do realize it, they are already of an age to listen to it. Again it's a teachable moment at that point.

 

[emmagrace]

True but by the time they do realize it, they are already of an age to listen to it. Again it's a teachable moment at that point.

The age of listening to a song is when the parents deem it appropriate, in my opinion. If a parent does not like there child listening to a song, whether they are 8 or 18, then they should obey their parents and not listen to it, and if they do there should be consequences. Children need to realize they need to be obedient to their parents, and listen to them no matter what, since they know best.

 

[Neway]

Banning it outright doesn't work. They're just going to listen to it behind your back. My father and step-mother didn't want me listening to anything that wasn't classical. My mother didn't want me listening to anything unless it was church music. So what did I do? I went to my friend's houses and listened to it there.

This is one of those "pick your battles" situations, and in my opinion, compared to some of the other issues that our kids face, a very small one.

 

[emmagrace]

Banning it outright doesn't work. They're just going to listen to it behind your back. My father and step-mother didn't want me listening to anything that wasn't classical. My mother didn't want me listening to anything unless it was church music. So what did I do? I went to my friend's houses and listened to it there.

This is one of those "pick your battles" situations, and in my opinion, compared to some of the other issues that our kids face, a very small one.

While I see where you are coming from, a good child will agree with the parent and do as they wish, and not betray there trust. Children need to be brought up to do what is expected of them, and be obedient. It is expected that from time to time they will fall out of bounds, and it is our job to push them back in, show them there place so to speak.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Get real... Are you going to turn off all radios in the world?

 

[cybele]

While I see where you are coming from, a good child will agree with the parent and do as they wish, and not betray there trust.

I have five good kids, they still test their boundaries, it's normal and it is healthy for them to do so, it's part of growing up. A healthy minded child does not obey every single thing their parent says to the letter.

I'm with Mom2many, put the music out there, if they ask what something means, then answer them. I don't believe there is anything that a child should not know.

 

[singledad]

I'm with mom2many too... if I noticed my daughter listening to something inappropriate and I thought she understood the lyrics, my reaction would be to have a conversation about why I don't agree with the artist/don't think what he/she is advocating is a good thing/whatever is appropriate. Then she can make up her mind whether or not she want to continue listening to it.

I listen to a lot of music with lyrics that I don't agree with. I'm into rock, and a lot of rock music advocates drug use, drinking, etc. I don't care - good music is good music, regardless of the artist's convictions. Sometimes I find the themes so offensive, that once I've figured out the lyrics, I don't enjoy the song anymore. Then I don't listen.

Children need to realize they need to be obedient to their parents, and listen to them no matter what, since they know best.

Children need to be brought up to do what is expected of them, and be obedient. It is expected that from time to time they will fall out of bounds, and it is our job to push them back in, show them there place so to speak.

That is simply not how I bring up my daughter. She is allowed to have an opinion. I have veto-rights, but she deserves to be listened to. She deserves to be met halfway sometimes. But then again, I am much more focused on teaching than controlling her...

Mindless obedience only makes children vulnerable to abuse.

 

[emmagrace]

I do understand what you guys are talking about, but I was raised differently. I was taught to think for myself, but also that there were others who knew a bit better and were wiser, and thus to listen. Although I didn't agree with my parents all the time, I was always obedient and listened to them. They have guided me through life successfully and now that I am 18 I am full on ready to take on the world, and that is how I plan to raise my children. And no, it doesn't make them vulnerable. You teach them about abuse, signs of it and such. And to the radio comment, I think it is pretty obvious you can't always control the radio, when you're out you might here less desirable music, but you just try to stand it for the time you are around it. Otherwise, what the parent says goes, and if the parent says none of this kind of music, the child should obey.

 

[cybele]

It's just different ways of raising kids really, there is no huge right or wrong.

I expect my children to push boundaries, I believe that is how they learn. If I say "Nah, we don't need to drink soft drinks" then I kind of expect them to drink it at their friend's house if said friend is allowed to have them. It's part of learning about the world around them.

I choose to live a certain way, so by default my kids have to live that way, I don't expect them to grow into mini-me's, so they may as well experience small doses of things.

 

[Neway]

I'm sorry but, this

Although I didn't agree with my parents all the time, I was always obedient and listened to them. <I>They have guided me through life successfully</I> and now that I am 18 I am full on ready to take on the world, <I>and that is how I plan to raise my children</I>.

And this...

I wont really go into much detail in my life, other than I lost my father at age 13 and<I> didn't exactly have the best mother growing up</I>, I still love her and everything,<I> but I did not have a normal childhood by any means. I don't want to have the same thing with my children</I>. I want them too have parents for a long time in their lives, to feel love, and not go through the heartache I went through.

Just don't add up.
I'm confused.....:speechbaffled:

 

[mom2many]

I'm sorry but, this


And this...


Just don't add up.
I'm confused.....:speechbaffled:

Was gonna say the same thing.

It's easy to say..."I'm gonna do XY and Z" when you are young and without children. Then the children come and you realize that it doesn't work that way.

One thing I am finding offensive is saying that children should be 'obedient'. Sorry, I'm not raising dogs. Hell even my dog's still have minds of their own, so I do not expect obedience. I do expect them to respect rules, but as with anything else, they are people and people are flawed.

 

[NancyM]

kids do what their peers do. they don't want to be different. You can monitor all you want, and tell them not to listen to this music, or not to look at a certain website, but when they are with friends things are out of your hands.

Just to keep that in mind. As long as they're younger than school age it's easy to 'control' most of what they see and hear, but once they are allowed to spend time at friends homes, you can't control what goes on in that house.

I didn't like a lot of the music my son use to listen to, but I didn't make a big deal about it, I'd mention it to him and he sometimes said he knew it wasn't nice, but all his friends listened to the same thing. I remember other parents telling me this as well.

Sooo the best we can do as parents is to teach our children right from wrong and enforce those lessons on them consistently. Eventually we have to trust they understand they shouldn't hurt other people just because it says so in a song.

 

[akmom]

This thread reminds me of when I was a kid, back when there was Napster and you could download any music you wanted for free. I'd play Nirvana whenever my parents were around. I didn't really like it. I've always liked folk and instrumental, even as a teen. But I did it to rile them up, though they never took the bait, and I finally got tired of trying. Guess I was a brat.

 

[bssage]

This thread reminds me of when I was a kid, back when there was Napster and you could download any music you wanted for free.

My brother had set up his computer to download 24/7 when napster was free.

He has a tera and a half of just music. I asked him how long it would take him to listen to it all. He is a numbers guy and estimated it would take about 30 years.

I cherry pick his collection. A ton of stuff is just crap.

 

[emmagrace]

I'm sorry but, this


And this...


Just don't add up.
I'm confused.....:speechbaffled:

Although I didn't have the best mom, she did what we could do and my dad dit a lot for me, guiding me through life. I didn't have a normal childhood, and although I don't want my kids to go through what I did with my father dying and me having to move, I do believe in raising them strict like I used to be raised. As far as being obedient, it is something every parent wants there kid to be. Of course they will do stuff at a friends house, no doubt about it. It is sneaking and if you say to your kid not to do something, then they should listen. You are all mixing up "making them into yourself" with "strictly raising a child so they can fit into society as a productive member".