Move down under?...

[adoptive dad]

Okay so for a long time Fern has had this dream of moving down under (emigrating to Australia) She's found a job that is loosely related to her previous pre self employed days in Art Therapy. In Sydney, New South Wales she's also seen a house on the internet she quite likes. The only problem is I'm rather comfortable here in the UK I'm close to my parents and family members, the kids are happy where they are, not to mention the fact of the matter being i'd have to sell the business and house - both of which are very close to my heart.

Fern says she wants to do something like this before we loose the chance. But if I'm honest I'm not ready to leave everything we have over here. I can see the financial and lifestyle benefits of a move to Australia but we would have to give up everything and there's not much chance I could find a job in something I would want to do.

I'm just not sure if its really the best thing to do. Or atleast according to my sensible head, if I'm honest my heart does say give it a try and see where life takes you. But I have a bad habit of listening to the Mr Sensible side of my head. I'm the last person who wants to hold Fern back from her dreams but I'm aware that this doesn't just affect me or her but everyone we know.

 

[akmom]

Cybele and Antoinette should answer this one!

If you can, go on vacation there and see if it's a place you could live. I have a close friend who moved down there this year when her husband's job transferred him and she absolutely loves it. Do you really mean that you couldn't find a job in an entire country? Because that would take one unique specialty...

 

[adoptive dad]

We have actually booked a holiday to Australia which my parents paid for as my 30th birthday. I could go back into my old job in advertising but I left that for the simpe reason I wasn't being fufilled lining the pockets of fat cats. I could always re train as a teacher or something but then with both of us working full time we would loose the freedom we have at the moment. Its a case of weighing up the possitives and negatives:
Positives:
-much much better weather
-possibly a better financial situation
-less commitments
-access to a more active lifestyle
-a dream job for Fern (its a Head of Service Post)

Negatives:
-leaving family and friends behind
-have to sell the business (something we have put a lot into)
-uprooting the kids
-investing a lot into a dream both financially and emotionally
-loosing the stability that we have in our current position

 

[IADad]

JMHO, but if this is really her dream job and a lifestyle you want then I think,were I in your shoes, I'd go. I'm Mr Sensible too, but I"m also Mr. "let's go, we'll figure out how."

Making a change like this will be infinitely easier now than in your 40's or beyond. Consider it an adventure. Work toward finding the next thing you're going to love doing. I envy you the opportunity to do this.

 

[adoptive dad]

I think I'm going to let our two week holiday sway me either way then I'm going to get a valuation on our house and the business then see how it goes from there.

 

[IADad]

A somewhat joking piece of advice (and in every joke there is a kernel of truth, right?) is "If your wife ain't happy, you ain't happy. And if she ain't happy long enough, you'll be unhappy with half your stuff...."

consider what it's worth if your wife resents a decision you make and foist upon her....for the rest of your life together.

I hope your research brings things into closer focus.

 

[adoptive dad]

Thanks, part of my concern is moving the kids but if we do it now a few years down the line Tyger won't remember much of a time in the UK and Caitlyn and Mathew will settle eventually. Fern told her sister as well today (they're really close). Her sister actually cried but said she "felt it might be good for us as a family" but also could we take her?

 

[IADad]

frankly, my reaction is I want to go too, but you've enough to sort out without trying to find me and my family jobs and living arrangements...;-)

Seriously, we've thought about moves to California or Boston or New York and while we can make sense of it financially, it doesn't make sense for us to uproot kids, if we had done it a few years back maybe and if we were younger and had no kids or young kids, we would definitely try it.

 

[adoptive dad]

Yeah Caitlyn is the one I'm mostly worried about but Fern says she'll take it on her stride. I guess only time will tell

 

[cybele]

She's 6, she still has plenty of time to adapt.

 

[adoptive dad]

Thanks Cybele. If I'm honest I think your right we'll have to see what our two week holiday is like its gonna be the first time abroard with Tyger.

 

[Xero]

Sounds like it would be really hard in some ways, but possibly a good decision! You two just need to search your hearts together. Take your time deciding, no reason to make impulse decisions or anything.

I agree to do it before your kids get older, if you are going to do it, though. They are all three still at an OK age to adapt!

 

[adoptive dad]

Yeah I agree it is something we need to do now while the kids are where they are. I have agreed with Fern that we can look at a house or two while over there and she has the interview for the job as well. I agreed that if I can find something to do over there then maybe I would look at selling up in the UK. I don't really want a career for money purposes (if Fern got the job we could live comfortably on her wage and money from the business if I kept a share of it) I want a career because I would hate staying at home all day every day.