My 23 y/o son is ruining my retirement

Single Dad Bob

New member
May 20, 2021
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I am a single Dad, with a 23 y/o son who has always had special needs. I understand that.

I am in the process of moving to a brand new house being built in Florida. I am newly retired and was looking forward to this new stage of my life. I guess my son will be part of my retirement. He is not working and seems to never been able to hang onto any of the minimum wage jobs he has had. I don't think he will ever be self sufficient. He goes out a lot - usually after midnight - to visit his "girlfriend" or wherever. I do not think he is doing anything bad, but he can not stand to be alone and loves to be with others.

I own a vacation condo at a ski resort and he does not often come with me. But when I leave him at home alone he calls me up after a day or two and tells me his anxiety is acting up and he is uncomfortable being alone in the house and begs me to come home. So I have to cut short my visit and go home.

He is seeing a psychiatrist and is on anxiety meds.

My plan has been to have the house in FL, but also to go to the condo for 4-6 weeks in the winter to ski. (And go for a month or so in the summer). But now I am realizing that this may not happen. He will never manage being left alone in a new house in a new state, not knowing anyone. I can picture him calling me two days after I arrive up there and asking me to please Dad, come back. So my Dad time skiing will be cut way short. The thought of this upsets me. I don't want to be selfish, but still I think I deserve my own time too.

I have told him that he may need to go stay with Mom (in another nearby state to where we are now), but he does not like her place.

Any comments? Ideas?
 

Moonstone

Member
Nov 9, 2020
58
2
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USA
Is there any way you can bring him along with you when you go to the condo? Alternately, have you considered going to hobby events/meetings/tournaments with him near your new home to help him build some local relationships that will keep him company when you leave?

What is he into? Maybe I can help jog some ideas.
 

Single Dad Bob

New member
May 20, 2021
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Thanks for your reply! Yes he should go with me - he has all his skiing stuff up there and at least, used to love to ski.

When we get to FL I will do what I can to help get him settled in and to meet people. But I'll be learning myself!

We will be living in Lakewood Ranch near Sarasota. I think they have activities and I am hoping he can participate and make friends there. My realtor understands the situation and is going to try to help as well.

My plan is to go skiing for 4-6 weeks every winter in one shot and I do not want him calling me as soon as I get to VT asking me to come back.
 

Moonstone

Member
Nov 9, 2020
58
2
8
USA
Interesting. My dad lives near Sarasota as well. I'll ask him if he knows any place a dad and older son might go to meet people. Not sure that he'll know himself since he's always busy working but maybe he has a secret social life I'm unaware of, lol.