I do think there is a lesson. It is interesting, despite doing things completely differently from your own mother, the cycle seems to continue. Was your mom present in your daughter's life when she was young? For example, I'd see both sets of grandparents at least once a week when they lived nearby, and saw my mom's parents once a week until my 20s (my dad's parents moved to Florida but we still saw them a lot in the summer and once in the winter - snowbirds with an RV).
Also, I think you should stay at the church if you feel at home there. Are there multiple sermons and you can go at a different time? Also, you can try to avoid the boyfriend's family if they make you uncomfortable. Of course, if they're pleasant, be pleasant back, but you don't need to go out of your way to interact with them either. Have they tried to talk to you there? If so, how did that go?
And, don't worry about your boss. Every family is different. I wouldn't get my mother involved in my wedding planning but I'm also in my 30s and wouldn't agree with her ideas anyway. (I still have yet to have a ceremony, but I'd like a house with a yard to keep it low key and cost effective) Heck, you can argue I didn't get her involved with my actual wedding plan since my husband and I decided to do a courthouse and chose the restaurant for lunch after without consulting anyone.
I also chose not to go to university but if I had after community college I wouldn't have let my parents take me.
Your problems with your daughter seem very similar to my mother in law and her daughter, who had a good relationship with her until she moved out of state and started a relationship with her now husband. My sister in law is in her 30s now with kids and, for whatever reason, won't patch things up with her mom despite wanting her mom in her kid's lives. I don't really know much about it because she only wants to talk about family drama with my husband who wants no part. I've offered to help but since I'm expecting twins along with also caring for a 1 year old, she doesn't want me overly involved. I am hoping that if the rift isn't mended when my kids are older that she'll open up to me a little more. She did open up some during the time between kids but we left off at it needing to be something we discussed in person.