I need some mature parental advise. My wife and I went through IVF for 3 years. Finally success and now expecting twins. On new years I had brain surgery for my seizures. Yes, that's how I spent my new years. Two months of recovery and physically back to 100%. Mentally, there were complications. The doctor said "this" is very rare. This is what "this" is.
Every married couple has something that irritates the other, but we put up with the bad, because we fell in love with the good. its a package deal. After surgery something happened to me where now those little things are magnified to an extreme level. To give an example; your spouse drives you crazy because they never turn the lights off. Its annoying, but you deal with it. That was me pre-surgery. Now, post-surgery those little things have now magnified to a level of emotion as if she cheated on me. Not only are they things she does, but personality flaws that pre-surgery i didn't even notice, much less care about. Because of the parts they cut out its altered my personality to that my wife says i'm a totally different person, very withdrawn, and as I said the bad things seem to dictate my "new" personality. I try to get back to my old self, but its like the brain just won't let me.
Worst case scenario if children were not involved our marriage could crack. Its not that simple in my case with children on the way. You ask why would I have the surgery if this was a possibility. The answer as my doctor told me, "there are a lot of things that we don't understand about the brain so there are always chances of unforeseen symptoms" For me these symptoms are being contributed to surgical trauma suffered from the brain where they cut out the seizure active parts. its not a personality trait that can be changed back. The weird part is it has only effected my personal life. Work and public are no problems, doing well actually.
The deciding factor to have the surgery was the twins because I don't know what I would do if I hurt them because I had a seizure at a bad time that could have been avoided by surgery. Now after the surgery with this new issue the black and white version is I risk possibly being miserable in marriage but with my children. I'm concerned about my inability to support them if i'm miserable. The other option is to leave and support them outside of marriage, but leaving would devastate me. Its the worst thing a father can do and not being with them would definitely make me miserable. The doctors that did the surgery are trying to figure out what happened and brought up the thought. What if the personality change is permanent. Will my wife still love me the way she did with my personality before the surgery. Unfortunately I have no control over that decision and is completely up to the strength of character of her. My question though is with this new altered personality am i more valuable in the marriage or supporting outside of. This is not meant to be a "i'm feeling sorry for myself" post. I'm trying...desperately to figure out how to balance this out to be the best parent I can be. I'm trying to get some activities on the side to keep me busy so i'm not staying home feeling sorry. NO, not cheating, I'm a cyclist so i'll be spending many miles on my bike, ironically i come full circle since my cycling was most likely the reason we needed IVF.
thanks
Every married couple has something that irritates the other, but we put up with the bad, because we fell in love with the good. its a package deal. After surgery something happened to me where now those little things are magnified to an extreme level. To give an example; your spouse drives you crazy because they never turn the lights off. Its annoying, but you deal with it. That was me pre-surgery. Now, post-surgery those little things have now magnified to a level of emotion as if she cheated on me. Not only are they things she does, but personality flaws that pre-surgery i didn't even notice, much less care about. Because of the parts they cut out its altered my personality to that my wife says i'm a totally different person, very withdrawn, and as I said the bad things seem to dictate my "new" personality. I try to get back to my old self, but its like the brain just won't let me.
Worst case scenario if children were not involved our marriage could crack. Its not that simple in my case with children on the way. You ask why would I have the surgery if this was a possibility. The answer as my doctor told me, "there are a lot of things that we don't understand about the brain so there are always chances of unforeseen symptoms" For me these symptoms are being contributed to surgical trauma suffered from the brain where they cut out the seizure active parts. its not a personality trait that can be changed back. The weird part is it has only effected my personal life. Work and public are no problems, doing well actually.
The deciding factor to have the surgery was the twins because I don't know what I would do if I hurt them because I had a seizure at a bad time that could have been avoided by surgery. Now after the surgery with this new issue the black and white version is I risk possibly being miserable in marriage but with my children. I'm concerned about my inability to support them if i'm miserable. The other option is to leave and support them outside of marriage, but leaving would devastate me. Its the worst thing a father can do and not being with them would definitely make me miserable. The doctors that did the surgery are trying to figure out what happened and brought up the thought. What if the personality change is permanent. Will my wife still love me the way she did with my personality before the surgery. Unfortunately I have no control over that decision and is completely up to the strength of character of her. My question though is with this new altered personality am i more valuable in the marriage or supporting outside of. This is not meant to be a "i'm feeling sorry for myself" post. I'm trying...desperately to figure out how to balance this out to be the best parent I can be. I'm trying to get some activities on the side to keep me busy so i'm not staying home feeling sorry. NO, not cheating, I'm a cyclist so i'll be spending many miles on my bike, ironically i come full circle since my cycling was most likely the reason we needed IVF.
thanks