Right now I am 30 weeks. I took a risk by not using bc and became pregnant. In the beginning my bf wanted me to get an abortion which I wasn't comfortable with that, and as fate turned out was further along than we thought which ruled out taking the abortion pill in the first place. I felt for a while I wanted to have kids, but since being pregnant have come close to self harm when arguing with my partner. Lately things have been good, and my bf talks to my belly and tells the baby I love you even though originally he wasn't ready to be a dad. My aunt voluntarily threw me a baby shower, and I pretend to seem okay with the baby but I'm scared to death. I'm trying to save up money for a nanny. I don't feel I can handle a newborn, and that it would ruin my Zen among other things. I just have always wanted my own rather than to adopt an older kid. I get paranoid my mom or aunt could see my post here. But even at the store if I see a baby I look away and feel panicky. My bf has told me in the past he doesn't want to give them up, once they've been born. I really don't either, but I don't feel I can handle 24 /7 care. Are there any alternatives besides live in nannies or having to let them be adopted? I feel when they are a bit older 1 1/2 to 2 ish that wouldn't be something I couldn't handle. I just feel really bad and that I can't talk to anyone about how I feel.
nightmares and worries...
- Thread starter GhoulNoir
- Start date
I am trying to figure out how to word this without sounding condescending or judgmental, I understand your fears (I think). First and foremost, it is perfectly normal to be terrified, when my first was born I made my husband carry him in stores, because I was afraid of dropping him. Having only been around other people's children, you'll know when the baby is born, it's different when it's your's. There is a lifetime of commitment here, so it's okay to feel the pressure. When they get to age 1 1/2 to 2, is when it gets more difficult to handle (at least for me lol), they are walking, talking, learning to paint the house with various food items. Is it twins? You said they, so I'm wondering if you are feeling overwhelmed with basically double the work coming. It's not easy having/raising kids, but there are so many moments that will make it worth it. Good luck, and congratulations.
I'm just having one, a boy. I'm dreading the due date as the worst day of my life, I keep dreaming about hospitals which scare me. I'd much prefer to do a water birth. I just really don't want this small person ruining my sex and social life. To me it is much more to just escape to work for hours and pay another to care for them until they reach a less dependent age. I honestly want time away from him once he leaves my womb.
I gotta say, what frightens me more is your overall mindset you have towards being a mother. Your thoughts are still inward. Too inward even to have a serious relationship, let alone a dependent baby. You and your boyfriend both jumped in bed together without any protection at all, and now you almost seem a little stunned to be in this situation. What did you expect? If it really scared you that much to have a baby, then I would've guessed that you would take precaution. You didn't though, and that's just another indication of how inwardly you think and how much you live in the moment. In your present mindset and condition, I'm pretty afraid for this baby.
Now that that's out of the way, let me say this. I applaud you for not aborting the baby even with the tremendous amount of fear you immediately experienced. It would shake me that my partner wanted it, but that's none of my business. Fact of the matter is, you are in the position that you are in now, and that's not going to change. Cause and effect my dear. Time to realize and come to grips to the fact that you are soon going to be a mother, and that it will change your life forever. How you look at it means everything. If you're willing to give up the child's easy life and take the bull by the horns, then you'll have a wonderful experience as a mother and hopefully soon as a wife. You will love that baby, and like tankntorimom said, your instincts will kick in. Caring for it will come naturally. If, however, you continue to sulk and miss the days of being free and without responsibility, well, you're going to have a bad time. At that point, I would rather see the baby adopted.
Take my words as you will. Honestly, I want to see the man get on his knee and ask you for your hand, and then you two become the dedicated and happy spouses and parents this innocent baby deserves. There is a happiness in that not even the dictionary can accurately convey.
Now that that's out of the way, let me say this. I applaud you for not aborting the baby even with the tremendous amount of fear you immediately experienced. It would shake me that my partner wanted it, but that's none of my business. Fact of the matter is, you are in the position that you are in now, and that's not going to change. Cause and effect my dear. Time to realize and come to grips to the fact that you are soon going to be a mother, and that it will change your life forever. How you look at it means everything. If you're willing to give up the child's easy life and take the bull by the horns, then you'll have a wonderful experience as a mother and hopefully soon as a wife. You will love that baby, and like tankntorimom said, your instincts will kick in. Caring for it will come naturally. If, however, you continue to sulk and miss the days of being free and without responsibility, well, you're going to have a bad time. At that point, I would rather see the baby adopted.
Take my words as you will. Honestly, I want to see the man get on his knee and ask you for your hand, and then you two become the dedicated and happy spouses and parents this innocent baby deserves. There is a happiness in that not even the dictionary can accurately convey.
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As far as I can tell, people can't predict how they will respond to a baby. I've seen people with no maternal inclination totally fall in love with their babies, and wanna-be moms who ultimately pawned them off for Grandma to raise.
Personally, I wanted kids and mine were planned, but there was no instant bonding with my first. I took care of her because that's what you do, and frankly I was overwhelmed and under-prepared in terms of what to expect. I would say that bonding started at about the two-week mark for me. I couldn't believe how much I cherished that little thing by then.
Everyone is different. In the beginning, just do what you have to do, and if you can't, make sure you have someone to call immediately to help you. Worry and second-guessing is just part of realizing the magnitude of your responsibility, and happens whether or not the pregnancy was deliberate. It doesn't really tell you much about how you'll ultimately handle it, or feel about it.
Personally, I wanted kids and mine were planned, but there was no instant bonding with my first. I took care of her because that's what you do, and frankly I was overwhelmed and under-prepared in terms of what to expect. I would say that bonding started at about the two-week mark for me. I couldn't believe how much I cherished that little thing by then.
Everyone is different. In the beginning, just do what you have to do, and if you can't, make sure you have someone to call immediately to help you. Worry and second-guessing is just part of realizing the magnitude of your responsibility, and happens whether or not the pregnancy was deliberate. It doesn't really tell you much about how you'll ultimately handle it, or feel about it.