Non-custodial Harassment


New member
Jan 22, 2022
I really need some advice about a situation with my little one. My fiancé and I adopted my three godchildren, 2 teenage boys and 8 year old girl. The boys lost their father, (my best friend) about 10 years ago. Since then, their mother had numerous failed relationships, one that resulted with her having Tater Tot (nickname). Their mother was killed in a multi-fatality car accident.

What little time Tater’s birth father was in her life, he was abusive to her, their mother, and the boys, until the oldest made it very clear that if he ever comes anywhere near them again, he would regret it.

My brother and I, with our fiancés moved from the apartment we shared to a house that will accommodate the seven of us. We are all first responders with floating shifts, and we decided that we’d all go in on a house. That way, there is always one adult at the house when the kids get home and when the rest of us are on overnights. Most days, whichever of us are off that day, will do the school drop off and pick up, and other days, I will allow my oldest to do it.

Unfortunately, there was no record of abuse. I know that after a legal adoption, the birth parents have no rights. He never appeared for court dates, granting us custody and eventually adoption, so we hoped that would be the end of it, since we moved, but after school one afternoon last month, they showed up at the station instead of going home. I knew something was wrong. They told me they were followed since they left school and didn’t want him to follow them to our house. They snapped a picture of the car, and it was clear that the driver was her father.

Since then, I switched her to full time virtual. She doesn’t like it. And I can tell all of this, on top of everything else, is really affecting her. I’m just worried about her being physically at school and an unfamiliar office sub would release her to her non-custodial father, who she’s terrified of.
I am considering having a meeting with her teachers and office staff at school to try to come up with a solution where she can be at school with her friends and still be safe. The boys are in sports, so she was going to after care unless one of us picked her up.

I’m on shift tonight, but my brother is off. I called to tell them good night and it was obvious that she was frustrated. When I asked her what happened, she said it didn’t matter. She understood why I did it, she just wished it was different. I told her we’d talk about that when I got home, but we’d figure something out. She didn’t want a story tonight, which is unusual for her. I hate seeing her so sad.

Growing up in that type of environment is probably why she is so tough; why she doesn’t trust people. But once she feels comfortable, she is also a happy, silly, sweet, very outgoing little girl, with a bit of a smart mouth. She’s a typical very well-behaved kid. She’s so smart and very quick-witted. She can definitely hold her own against two older brothers. But she’s been through so much in her short life. They all have and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down for any of us.

What would you do in this situation? If your kids are in a private school, could you trust them to be released to only those on the pick up list? I want her to be able to socialize and play like a normal kid. We’re just not in a normal situation at the moment.