Obsessed...

[learn]

Hello,

I have two young boys whom are 13, and 14 years old. Yes, very close in age. So at times it is mind boggling as to what to do in situations and no one to talk to about. My oldest is very smart, and always very happy go lucky kind of kid. He gets real good grades, and has a sense of humor. My other little guy is smart, but he has to put forth more effort, is very popular with the girls and can think he is all that, except when a bully confronts him. Can be funny at times and we let him know. LOL.

It seems that lately he has this girl, in which she is not supposedly his girlfriend, but he calls her...his "best-friend". This girl from what I can see is quite obsessed with my son and calls at all hours constantly talking to him. He tells me that I hate her and I told him already that I don't. I just don't want her over only b/c her mother dropped her off a few times around 1pm and then decided to pick her up at 11pm at night. I told him I think that is quite inconsiderate on her behalf, especially having a daughter and not knowing us that well. By the way, she has stated to him that I hate her as well....I think she is just trying to manipulate him. They are only 13!!!!!!

His grades were slipping at one point, and I have him on a strict schedule, but since he has been responsible enough to bring them up and I said he can talk on the phone, but then I see it is getting out of hand as to him/her talking on weekends until 11pm or so. If he doesn't call, then she automatically calls him, especially as soon as he is getting home from school.

Well, my question is...how should I basically handle this situation?

Thanks,
Learn

 

[musicmom]

Unplug the phone and tell him that you've already explained your rules and phone privledges are restricted until you see fit.
Since you are the parent why would you allow the girl to stay at your house until 11pm? I think if the parents were not there by 8pm I would have called them.
You are talking bad about their parenting however you are allowing your son to do the same thing. Kinda like the pot calling the kettle black.
Have you tried talking to their parents?

 

[Amber]

I just don't want her over only b/c her mother dropped her off a few times around 1pm and then decided to pick her up at 11pm at night. I told him I think that is quite inconsiderate on her behalf, especially having a daughter and not knowing us that well.

Perhaps talking to her mother would help you on this one. Her daughter may have told her not to come and get her until 11pm. Apparently, she doesn't see a problem with letting her daughter stay at boys' houses until late at night. I would talk to her and tell her that you don't mind her daughter coming over, but you would prefer it if she picked her up earlier.

His grades were slipping at one point, and I have him on a strict schedule, but since he has been responsible enough to bring them up and I said he can talk on the phone, but then I see it is getting out of hand as to him/her talking on weekends until 11pm or so. If he doesn't call, then she automatically calls him, especially as soon as he is getting home from school.

You made the decision to allow him phone privileges back. I used to talk on the phone until late when I was young. But if it bothers you that he talks on it so late, then you should tell him you know you gave him the privilege back, but that you are going to have to monitor how long he talks and how late he can receive phone calls.

Does he have a phone in his room? Take control, and be the one to answer when the phone calls come in at 10, 11 pm at night. Tell her each time she calls (If she doesn't get the clue the first time) that he is not allowed to receive phone calls that late at night.

 

[learn]

Hello,
Thanks for the replies. No, the young girl stated on those days that her mother does this to her everywhere she goes and she looked quite embarrassed and called her mother several times. The mother replied that she had been caught up while shopping and a few other excuses in which I don't remember.

He uses his cell and I gather that as soon as he walks in from school I shall take it away and explain further that we have things to do aside from talking on the phone.

Thanks for all the great input!!


I just don't want her over only b/c her mother dropped her off a few times around 1pm and then decided to pick her up at 11pm at night. I told him I think that is quite inconsiderate on her behalf, especially having a daughter and not knowing us that well.

Perhaps talking to her mother would help you on this one. Her daughter may have told her not to come and get her until 11pm. Apparently, she doesn't see a problem with letting her daughter stay at boys' houses until late at night. I would talk to her and tell her that you don't mind her daughter coming over, but you would prefer it if she picked her up earlier.

His grades were slipping at one point, and I have him on a strict schedule, but since he has been responsible enough to bring them up and I said he can talk on the phone, but then I see it is getting out of hand as to him/her talking on weekends until 11pm or so. If he doesn't call, then she automatically calls him, especially as soon as he is getting home from school.

You made the decision to allow him phone privileges back. I used to talk on the phone until late when I was young. But if it bothers you that he talks on it so late, then you should tell him you know you gave him the privilege back, but that you are going to have to monitor how long he talks and how late he can receive phone calls.

Does he have a phone in his room? Take control, and be the one to answer when the phone calls come in at 10, 11 pm at night. Tell her each time she calls (If she doesn't get the clue the first time) that he is not allowed to receive phone calls that late at night.[/quote]

 

[Shari Nielsen]

You should also monitor his activity online. Kids have a funny way of spending hours chatting when parents think they are busy studying!

I would give him a specific amount of time that he can talk on the phone (a half hour is plenty!) AS LONG AS he is doing everything else you want him to - schools, chores, family time, etc. If you shut him off completely he may rebel. If you set limits but make him think his voice is heard (even a little) he may respond better.

I'm not looking forward to the time when I have 4 teenagers at home!!!

 

[AnKsMommy]

You should also monitor his activity online. Kids have a funny way of spending hours chatting when parents think they are busy studying!

I would give him a specific amount of time that he can talk on the phone (a half hour is plenty!) AS LONG AS he is doing everything else you want him to - schools, chores, family time, etc. If you shut him off completely he may rebel. If you set limits but make him think his voice is heard (even a little) he may respond better.

I'm not looking forward to the time when I have 4 teenagers at home!!!

I'm guilty!!!! I did that to my parents.

 

[AnKsMommy]

I would talk to the mother again and if she can't pick her daughter up on time then I wouldn't allow the girl over. It's not that I wouldn't like her it's just that you have your own family things that you would like to do and I'm sure that your son has his own responsiblities around the house that he would have to take care of too before going to bed.

As for the phone calls. I did that as a teenager too. It was half because the boy and I were calling each other. Do you know if he's calling her too? I don't know why kids do it...lol I don't know why I did it. Just because you want to talk to that person all the time. "Young love" I think that taking the phone was a good step. Whenever he can be responsible then he can have it back.

You say that they are just "best friends" but I remember calling that "friends with benefits" when I was younger. *I was horrible as a teen btw*. Do you know what they do whenever she's over? I hate thinking about having teenagers!

 

[jtee]

A few times my wife has made our daughter do her homework on my wife's computer because it doesn't have IM or configured for our daughter's email. Our daughter is a good student, but we have noticed that this year it is taking her longer to get her homework done because she is also chatting with her friends online.

 

[meow_173]

I would have a sit down with your son, this girl and the girls parents. Not a confrontational sit down, but to see exactly what this "friendship" is all about and maybe because they are only 13, try and talk some sense into them that they don't have to be on the phone 24/7 etc. and that staying for 10 hours at someone's house is exsessive

 

[newdad06]

The issues with the girl (i.e., the late phone calls, getting dropped off and not seeing hide nor hair of parents until late in the evening) are issues that she be confronted as a house rule. Sit down with the whole family and tell all of them what the HOUSE rules are. If you want phones off at ten. Make it a rule for all kids. If you want friends home by 9 on a weeknight, make it a rule for all kids. Anything beyond nine, has to be arranged ahead of time and both sets of parents have to know when the child is going home.

If you make the rules apply to the house (household) then they become matter of fact and you don't have to worry about seeming biased about a particular friend.

 

[aliinnc]

Just to add an alternate thought: there is a good side to the kids being at our house the whole time: you know exactly what they are doing.

I do totally agree that the other mom is inconsiderate, to say the least. But as the mom of a 16 yo DD, I love it when they spend time at our house. And I make a point of making them welcome in my home. Better the devil you know.