Pandemic/Adult kids moving back in with parents..

[skyhigh89]

So a lot of adult children are moving back home during the pandemic and I’m starting consider the same even though I told myself I’d never do it.

I’m getting financially railed by all this and it’s miserable, I also just went through a separation, I ended an almost 10 year relationship right before the pandemic and all the shutdowns started, like I started hearing rumors of shut downs 2 weeks after I broke up with him.

He lost his job early on during everything, about a month after I moved out and told him to leave and he’s currently living in the house I own and yes, he’s paying rent/utilities, while he gets back on his feet.
I’m currently have roommates I’m also co-workers with. It’s great but it’s financially draining especially when I have a house already and shouldn’t even have these expenses.

I’ve given him a timeframe to get out and he’s to keep paying until he does but once he’s out I don’t plan on moving back in, the house is currently almost 2 hours from work which is too far and it’s old and in need of repair. My friends and I plan on doing some light work to it and then I’m selling it.

I want to approach my mom at Christmas this weekend about me coming back to stay temporarily while I get him moved out, the house fixed up and then sold.
I’d like to take the money from the sale of the house and get a place in the town I live in now. Close enough to visit them occasionally and close enough my drive to work in the morning doesn’t make me hate life.

Growing up things were difficult between me and my mom and I’d love to spend more time with her and my brother during this transitional phase in my life but at the same time I don’t want to run into some of the same issues we had before.

I’m 31 so I’m hoping there wouldn’t be any anymore but anytime we spend more than two days together she starts talking to me like I’m a child again and her demeanor changes.

I really kinda need this break in my life tho so I can fully get back onto my feet, I have my dream job, amazing friends and life is generally going on the right path and I want to keep it that way. I don’t want to go under and end up losing all my progress.

How do I approach her about this?
How can I politely let her know that I want to be treated as an equal?
And I guess I won’t call them house rules but house expectations for someone’s who in their 30’s?

I would hope things would function a lot like they do with me and my current roommates. Pick up after yourself, don’t be loud late at night, respect others property.

Any advice would be great thanks!

 

[Moonstone]

Do you mind elaborating on your relationship with your mother? Perhaps an event that the behavior/negativity may have stemmed from?

I think the above can give us a little more insight on how to approach this but based on your post as is what I propose is that you offer to pay rent in some capacity: either financial or service (chores) within reason. I believe that in paying rent you should be allowed the freedoms and expectations of a roommate.

 

[skyhigh89]

Do you mind elaborating on your relationship with your mother? Perhaps an event that the behavior/negativity may have stemmed from?

I think the above can give us a little more insight on how to approach this but based on your post as is what I propose is that you offer to pay rent in some capacity: either financial or service (chores) within reason. I believe that in paying rent you should be allowed the freedoms and expectations of a roommate.

We fought a lot when I was a tween/teenager, over everything and it went into my young adult years until I moved out at 21/22.
The closer I got to 18 the stricter she got and it got to the point where I was 19 and had the same rules as my 14 year old brother when it came to curfew, dating and even a bedtime. I’m talking she slipped a piece of paper under my door outlining a curfew, a bedtime an hour after curfew, even a time I was supposed to be up by, she’d actually come check at night to make sure I was asleep and I’d have to hide the fact I was still up doing home work because at night was when I worked best. I found it overbearing and was constantly trying to sneak around just to do normal things for my age and I worked over 30 hours a week, I was in and was paying for all my own personal bills.

Like I said I’m 31 now and she’s definitely calmed down a lot but the last time I spent like a week with her it was when my grandfather passed away and we all went to Texas together.

It wasn’t bad but we did argue some about the dumbest stuff like how much I was on my phone or how long it took for me to get ready or she’d be trying to talk to me and I’d have headphones in.

We talk regularly and get along for the most part but we still have those moments where we have arguments.

But like I said she’s chilled out a lot. She knows I vape and smoke and is cool with both.
I can vape in the house and smoke in the garage when I visit.
I was here for like a week while I found a new place after the break up and she didn’t care if I left to go out with friends or stay at a guys house so I’m hoping she’d be pretty chill now.

 

[skyhigh89]

I’m also currently paying rent now and would like to avoid rent while I’m getting my house sold. I’m trying not to go under financially.
I’d pay for my own things like my phone, food car etc but I’m really trying to make it possible to buy a house and if I’m spending rent I’m spending money that could go towards a house.
This house is paid off there’s no mortgage and it’s just her and my brother and I know she’d never rent any of the rooms here out to anyone.
I also honestly don’t think she’d want rent to be completely honest.

I think she’s more worried about me doing well at this point in my life than she is making a little money.

 

[Moonstone]

I'm glad to hear things are going better than you expected.