Physically unable to conceive...

Moira

Junior Member
Jun 18, 2011
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When I was 19 years old I was diagnosed with endometriosis, and I opted to have my uterus totally removed. I watched a loved one suffer so much with the same condition for so many years, and there was absolutely no way I was going to go through that myself. I was absolutely not going to resign myself to a lifetime of agony and being unable to work or go to school, it was simply out of the question for me.

To this day I am still pain free, so I have no regrets or second thoughts about my choice.

My husband knows all about it; I was completely honest with him and I told him even before we got married. He was completely accepting of it.

He said he would love for us have children, but only if and when I was ready. It's been a few years and I feel so ready now, I would love to have a child so much, even though I obviously cannot do so by myself.

We're open to any one of our options, even though the only two we are aware of are adoption or surrogacy. But honestly I'm not really sure which of those options are the most feasible, or would be considered the best for us. Can anyone offer me some advice? Who should we see to talk about what we should do? :(
 
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yunihara

PF Enthusiast
Nov 22, 2010
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Nebraska
Well, I have always leaned more towards adoption as opposed to surrogacy, because it will open your home to a child who is in need and you can provide them with a loving family! I adopted my twins and it has always been very rewarding. My situation with adopting them is a little more uncommon (they're technically my brother and sister), but I believe that you can contact any variety of adoption agencies and they can give you all the information you need to start. If you live in the United States, most states have state adoption agencies. In Nebraska, they have several organizations that help people who want to put their child up for adoption and can introduce you to women who are making this decisions or to babies/children that are in need of a loving home.

Most adoption agencies will start you off with information on the process and will have people available to answer your questions. Sometimes they require a fee for registering with the agency, but it is usually worth it! You just have to research what adoption agencies are available to you, and make a decision as to which one to go through after researching them.
 

MomoJA

PF Fiend
Feb 18, 2011
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Personally, I would opt for adoption, but I understand why people would want to go for surrogacy. I had actually begun down the road to adoption when I became pregnant. I would still like to adopt, but I'm too old to qualify now, for one thing.

I don't know where you live, but I do know that surrogacy can be expensive and usually isn't covered by insurance or government programs. Adoption costs can be claimed on tax returns in the US. Not that that should be a deciding factor, but it is something to consider if money is an object.
 

Patrick

Junior Member
Jul 22, 2011
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Minnesota
Patrick said:
I think adoption is immoral, but: in this case I actually agree.Like MomoJA, I would also go for it. Good luck!
I thought it said 'abortion', sorry about the confusion that I may have caused! I'm not very used to these forums and it is easy to get lost in the discussions. Again, please accept my apologizes, including to those who think abortions are good. I did not want to offend anyone!

Patrick
 

Shiroi Tora

PF Enthusiast
Aug 4, 2011
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Personally, I think adoption can be great...so long as both of you decide the child...not the agency...not for their reasons...not for social reasons...for yours. I would take all factors into consideration...financial, especially if the child will need extra care later on...immediate attachment to child...inherent reflection in the mind of similarities seen is intuitive...it greatly fosters bonding...etc.

Know the medical history of the child. It allows you to prepare for, otherwise, unseen difficulties. It is also necessary information for the child as he/she grows.

Most importantly...remember that it is a firm commitment for life. There is no divorcing a child...abandoning him/her is not an option. To not have all your resources lined up ahead of time...including the time necessary to give to your child...is planned neglect. This is not a decision that you wing...not one where you cross the bridge when you get to it.

If you can totally fall in love with the child...you will do what is necessary. I say, don't adopt any child until you do...and can follow through for the rest of your lives.
 

Eva Manelli

Junior Member
Sep 12, 2011
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45
US
I would also opt for adoption. Just make sure you can really love the child. If so go for it. My friends were in the same situation and adopted a baby at the age of 10 month. Now they are a lovely family!
 

bworthey

PF Regular
Oct 4, 2011
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Louisville, AL
Adoption is a great option. My wife and I have had our own child, but we would still like to adopt. Obviously the decision is up to you. Both are going to have some cost involved and have some questions you and your husband will have to answer before you get into it. Adoption - will it be open or closed, do you want an infant or older, your ethnicity or any? Surrogacy - who would do it, would the person be compensated, etc? Things to think about. Good luck to you.
 

alter ego

PF Enthusiast
Oct 6, 2011
323
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the bush, Australia
I have been in a similar situation, I was told that Id never fall pregnant (due to cervical cancer) and if I did Id never carry to term. 2 years later I was married and pregnant, so other options never became a reality.
We looked into adoption, and my younger sister offered to surrogate.
For adoption we were looking overseas, (as my husband is Chinese we figured an Asian child wouldnt have too many awkward questions) which was easier than in Australia.
There were age, financial and health checks in the process.
Have you considered fostering? many children are in permanent care from birth to 16
 

2012MiracleBaby

Junior Member
Oct 12, 2011
1
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Hi Ladies,

My name is Vanessa and im new here to the forum. You will usually find me on forums on the Iphone app and not online but i came across this site this morning while browsing baby information.
Im a 39 year old married female who is now due in Feb of 2012. I had been trying for the past 6 years to conceive without any luck. Dr stated i was infertile and unable to have children as I have PCOS,1 tube and 1 functioning ovary and will not be able to conceive without very expensive fertility treatments.
WELL WASNT THAT A SLAP IN THE FACE! IM PREGNANT!!!
My husband and i took out a loan in 2009 and tried 2 rounds of IVF without any success. We were devasted!
In January of this year 2011 a co-worker of mine introduced me to a website and product that i was very skeptical about. Who believes in internet guru products? Sure as hell not me!!
To make a long story,I took her advice and i cannot thank her enough. I am currrently 22 weeks pregnant and i took only 3 months to conceive!!!
All it took was a simple lifestyle change and following a few simple steps. It was simple as pie!
We are very excited!!!
We are very happy and i owe my life to Carolyn Henderson for her words of advice and couragement and giving us this opportunity of a lifetime!
I love to help people and always believe in paying it forward.
I am now giving you ladies a chance of a lifetime as well. I feel this is my job to spread the word.
Please ladies i beg you before you spend 1000's of dollars on treatments to check out tiny url dot com/Preggomagic

I WANT TO HELP AS MANY LADIES OUT THERE AS POSSIBLE!!!

Baby dust to all you ladies and please update others on your success stories!!!
Please post here and keep everyone updated!!!
DO NOT GIVE UP!!
God bless
Vanessa
 

looklovesend

Junior Member
Dec 21, 2011
12
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Like so many posts before this, I would also opt for adoption. Surrogacy can be expense and as a post mentioned earlier, it's not covered by insurance or any government funding, whereas adoption can be claimed on tax returns. Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best of luck!