Please help with this subject...

[Tommyboy33]

Hi,

My name is Tom and I had a real bad argument with my girlfriend last night over this subject.

Her and her son, who is 10 years old are extremely close due to being abandon by the father. So with that said, I find it rather disturbing that every time she goes to the restroom, her son jumps up and follows her into the restroom and she will at times ask him to leave, but normally he comes up with some lame excuse to talk to her while she is going to the bathroom and rather than making him leave she does her business with him in the room. It is really weird to me. I have two children and I would never want my kids in the bathroom while I am going, especially my daughter.

Am I wrong on saying anything? All I said is I really find that weird and it makes me uncomfortable. She blew her top and was screaming and yelling at me that it is her son and she will do what she wants.

Please everyone comment on this, because I feel like a turd, but it seems wrong.

Tom

 

[page16]

Hi Tom,

It is not clear from your post whether you were visiting, or whether you actually live together. Also, if you live together, do your kids live there too?

The fact that the 10 year old follows her in the bathroom, in my opinion, that's not a worrisome thing and might be just a habit that he will grow out of when getting a little older.

What would worry me more would be the fact that she gets very upset when you mention something related to the upbringing of her son. If you live together, or are planning on living together, then raising the kids should also be done together. If it turns into a "this is my kid and I handle him the way I want" situation, I can guarantee you that the kids will pick up on that very quickly, and most likely take advantage of the situation, making things worse for both of you.

 

[artmom]

Mothers and children seem quite different than fathers and their children.
Your girlfriend, a mother, seems more empathetic.
Whereas you, a father, seem to be more pragmatic.
To opposites that need to come to an agreement / compromise.
Try looking at the situation in her eyes and encourage her to do the same with your view. Role play, and I mean honestly not sarcastically, show her what you see and then she can role play you in how she sees you reacting to the situation.
Then that way you can talk about it with a different perspective.
Your kids, both your kids, are witnessing these arguments and her freak outs. Kids learn how to role play and deal with conflicts in school and a good way to help teach them resolutions is to be role models.

I agree with page 16 in that this is a phase that may dissipate over time. I don't know if I should admit this on here but I used to always leave the door open when I was using the washroom, when it was just me and my mom there, of course. I did this until I was about 10 or 11.
I find that when I'm in the washroom that is the time my daughter always has something to talk to me about.

Just a history lesson, for reference, in and around roman times, bathroom times was considered a social occasion. There was a bench toilet so more than one person could go potty at the same time. There are still washrooms like this in the world.