Question Re: relationship boundaries with ex-wife...

[Charmx3]

I have been in a relationship for about a year now. My boyfriend has 2 ex wives, 3 sons.. He has a wonderful relationship with the mother of his oldest 2 boys, she's re-married and totally respectful of boundaries. The second ex-wife, mother of the 7 year old child... Not so much. She has severe control & rage issues. She likes to throw wrenches into every situation to do with the child & co-parenting situation. I do have to give some credit that since I've been around my bf has tightened up the visitation sched so things are more organized, but that doesn't stop her from constantly trying to change it around to accommodate her life only. My bf tends to always say yes to the change because he sees it as best for his son. I see it sometimes as her always getting her way. My biggest issue is the constant texting/trash talking via text day after day after day. Trash talking re: co-parent opinions.. That are not healthy, but he ignores this.. The most bothersome to me is out of the blue all the sudden will send him a text saying, "how about those Broncos!?" Or, some other stupid message like all the sudden he's her buddy.. He thinks it's the oddest thing ever!! He never replies, but he also never tells her to not text text him especially when it's not regarding their son. It's really starting to get to me that he doesn't put his foot down. He doesn't seem to think its that big of a deal since he doesn't reply.. Am I over reacting? I feel like there needs to be a boundary set to let her know it's completely inappropriate to text unless it's about the child only. Some one please tell me your thoughts on this subject, I really could use some help!!! Thanks

 

[Wickett]

I edited your post a bit to exclude the two choice words.

Honestly, this sounds more like a dating issue than a parenting issue. There are two things to remember here. 1) You are naturally going to be more hostile and leery of this ex because you are the new girl announcing her domain, which is good and totally natural. 2) Your boyfriend should understand this and keep it in mind. Cutting communication down to a minimum with her should be a top priority for him if it's causing issues between you two. I would say he's hesitant since she could possibly cause problems between him and his son. Is she in a position where she could pull him away from your boyfriend?

 

[Charmx3]

Sorry for the words
No she's not. She just creates childish drama regardless of his great parenting, she's the type to always bad mouth & call names about him to the child. My bf however in over a year has NEVER said one negative thing about the mother in front of his child.
He has the son 4 days a week, every week!! She seems to have to text constantly weather to say nothing but negative things about the co parenting situation, or text like the one that bothers me so much, all the sudden just friendly strange random text.

 

[Charmx3]

I guess my question would blatantly be... Would it be insensitive of me to ask him to let her know, kindly... Do not text me unless it strictly regarding our son.. I have a gf & it's inappropriate to send "friendly" random text.
I am also a parent, we have blended our family for over a year now. I am very comfortable with his ex, she often ask me for help in car pooling to school since she doesn't like to do anything. She's always finding ways to do less mother duties.
I don't mind text pertaining to the child, I also have an ex who has a new family and I would never dream of sending him friendly random text while he is with his girlfriend & child.. Just seems inappropriate.

 

[Anna61]

Do you trust your bf? If so, maybe it would be enough if he just ignored the texts that have nothing to do with their child? Sooner or later she will realize that she is not getting any feedback. I can understand that he does not want to alienate the mother in any way since she might take it out on the father-child relationship. I also think it is wonderful that he is flexible and wants to be with his child as much as possible. This is something that will benefit his child forever. Would it help if you were to look at this as him doing all this for his child, not for his ex?

Although it is good that he is sharing all these texts with you, I hope he is not doing it as a way for you to become annoyed on his behalf. I would hate for you to become his attack dog while he walks around looking like the dedicated parent.

What are your feelings about being a step mom? Have you been able to create your own relationship with your bf's child? The more time you can spend with the child, the easier it will be for you in the long run. Good luck!