Raising a traumatized child...

[OtherMother109]

My son came to me when he was almost four. He went through hell before he came, and has had to deal with it now for 17 years. The two of us went through a lot, but I am happy to say that he is actually doing well. I'm not sure if anyone else in this forum has children with special needs caused by abuse, but I thought I'd just throw this thread up and see if anyone here is interested in hearing about what I learned raising him. I wrote a blog, raisingatraumatizedchild.blogspot.com. It's not a happy story, in fact it was quite hard to write and I've been told, hard to read. I do think it has a happy ending, though, which doesn't happen too often. I hope if there is anyone here going through raising a traumatized child, they might be able to get a little help from my blog, and perhaps not feel so lonely.

 

[5bygrace]

I don't raise one but worked with many that had been sent to placement...there stories were terrible, my heart goes out to young people like this, it's just not fair but standing along side them helps at least a little, and hopefullly they can live some sort of a normal life with someone to stand by them

 

[OtherMother109]

Thanks for your message. I also think these kids just need someone to stand by them, both in the home and through different agencies. And, wow, congratulations on 5 children! You are blessed!

 

[Belle]

New here! My 13 yr old daughter is multi handicapped. Wheelchair, non verbal, autisic, and medical issues as well as developmentally delayed. Last year we discovered her teacher placed her into isolation.

I think some people think because the child is handicapped they can't be effected by it. I disagree.
I would like to hear how you dealt with it>

 

[OtherMother109]

I was lucky, Belle. My son came up through an excellent public school where all the teachers and staff became involved in getting him through. My son did not have the special needs your daughter does, however I do have a friend with a daughter with cerebral palsy and another friend with twin boys with Asbergers.

In my opinion, isolation is the VERY LAST thing any child needs. I don't know what potential your daughter has, but closing her away from contact with others can't be helpful. The only thing I can tell you is that I was at the school A LOT. I got to know all the teachers and staff and volunteered in the class whenever I could get away from work. It seems to me that once the staff knows the child and her family on a more personal basis, they are more willing to go the extra mile in helping the child. Also, trust what you know and feel about what your daughter can and cannot do and be her advocate. I always tried to be nice, but I became pretty pushy in getting my son the services and treatment he needed and deserved.

I hope this helps a bit...

 

[MomoJA]

be her advocate. I always tried to be nice, but I became pretty pushy in getting my son the services and treatment he needed and deserved.

QUOTE]

I would echo the above. I don't have a special needs child, but I can tell you as a teacher that you need to be an advocate for your child, and that you'll get much better results by being nice about. But don't back down. Don't assume that saying something once is enough. It may be, but make sure that you are getting results.

Teachers have their hands full. They have this many or that many special needs kids in their rooms throughout the day. Their main focus is to address the curriculum, and school in general is designed for the most average child you could imagine, so anyone with special needs is another thing the teacher needs to address. In my experience, we get one little piece of paper for each student with special needs - an individual education plan - and it is about as generic as you can imagine. A lot of times, the speciality is not described, only the accommodations, which seem to be the same for dyslexia as for anger management disorder, for example.

The truth is every child has different needs. Some are more significant than others, and some are more specific, and we do our best to figure out what each child needs, but we don't always get it right. It would be great if a parent would spell it out for us in with purely helpful intent, and even gave us suggestions for how to deal with certain behaviors as they occur.

But be careful, because many teachers feel that parents forget that their child is not the only child in the class and that they are asking for the teacher to focus more than the fair share of her attention on their child. We teachers do like to try to treat all our students equally.

 

[friend]

You think your son is traumatized? Tell that to all of the poor people who are gonna see this:

[/URL]
Uploaded with ImageShack.us

 

[Momof1]

My son is not the same boy he used to be, due to his experiences of the past year. We try to get through it but it is hard. He has lost weight, hardly eats, is often depressed, tired, sad, confused. It is so hard to see your child who you love so much go through so much pain. He is not even in high school yet and I feel like he is too young to have gone through so much. You love them and do the best you can and always support and encourage them and you also realize when you are out of your area of expertise and so you get professional help.

 

[Frank]

I just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you for posting your blog and sharing your story. I came across it on a day when I really needed <I>something.. anything..</I> that I could relate to what I was going through. I read the entire thing over the weekend and just can not say thank you enough for sharing it. It was very helpful and it's given me a perspective I needed to find. I've adopted five kids and it's quite a battle to say the very least. I only hope I can have the strength, endurance, wisdom, control and love in the days/months/years ahead for my kids as you had and no doubt must continue to have. Thank you again.

 

[Kali]

I've been reading your blog. I'm only about half way through it. It has just amazed me! You have SO much patience! Adopting a foster child is something I'd like to do once I get my little ones grown but I'm not sure I have the patience for it. Anyway, I just want to thank you for posting your experiences.