Remembering Cherish...

[TAR]

We lost Cherish in a car accident 9 years ago tomarrow. I don't want to go into to many details (some may not like that) but she was born stillborn 19weeks at impact.

We have a memorial on the side of the road where the accident happened. We have a beautiful white iron cross with pink iron flowers there with her name on it.

The year following the accident we donated $300 worth of books and $500 of toys for the children's hospital in our area.

Next year will be her 10th birthday and we want to do something extra special in her name. All ideas are welcome...
one we have thought of is, making a children's reading area at the library (with small sofa's and tiny rocking chairs).

We also like to do a special thing to remember Cherish. Every year for Chirstmas we pick a name of a girl the same age as Cherish would be off the giving tree (at the mall) and purchase all the gifts we would have got Cherish for that little girl.

This year Cherish would be 9, What are 9yr old girls asking to get for chirstmas?

 

[Kaytee]

aww hun that is so sweet of you to honor your daughter that way. I love the angel tree idea so much, what a thoughtful way to give back and to honor your daughter.
I don't have a 9 year old so I can give you ideas but they might not be good ones.

 

[musicmom]

My nieces used to take coloring books to the hospital to all the sick kids with a brand new pack of crayons for Christmas.
I think whatever makes your heart glow for your dear daughter is what you should do. Thanks for sharing. When you are ready to share with us more details we will be here. Whenever you feel safe enough. ^i^ I am so sorry for your loss and will say a prayer for your daughter and your family tomorrow! I put it on my calendar just now.

 

[fallon]

I chills...you're a wonderful to do so much for other s in the name of your angel TAR. I like the library idea that way so many children benfit from your kindness. Another idea that might be kind fun would be to arrange something like a spa day for the girls at a local childrens hospital. Get some folks together to go in and paint toe nails, do hair, manicures, make-up...or even just a party with all the kids if you don't want to leave out the boys. I'm not sure what the rules would be for sure a thing but I think it would be nice to do

 

[FooserX]

For whatever reason, this just seems a little creepy to me.

 

[TAR]

Why creepy fooser???

I like the spa idea, My friend had a daughter that is in the Children's hospital (cancer) She has all her best friends there, and a spa thing would be nice there about 9 to 12yr I think they would enjoy it.

Heading out to the mall in a few to pick a name and buy gifts!

 

[FooserX]

It's like celebrating the date of a miscarriage.

You have 2 beautiful daughters, and another on the way...so why keep remembering someone who was never even a part of the family? I can see for the first couple of years...but 10? 20? How are your kids going to feel about it in 10 years?

I've never been in the situation, so I'm obviously clueless. Not trying to be mean...just...think it's weird. Then again, so are you, and that is part of why I like you.

 

[Skyburning]

How was she not a part of the family? I guess as a woman it's easier to understand how it feels to have a living person move and develop inside of you and how that makes you feel.

 

[Kaytee]

I agree that it might be different for a woman then the man, but maybe not in all cases. I think it is all just personal ways of dealing. Kinda like people who take pictures of their dead loved ones. I never could understand this. Then my grandma died and I could not attend the funeral, I was 1000 miles away and had a 2 month old. My sister who is the same way as me did take a picture of my grandma in the casket and sent it to me. She warned me first and put it seperate then other pics she sent. And you know what? I looked at it and it was closure for me. In a sense I felt better about the whole thing. Weird? absolutely. My mom has pictures of my brother in his casket as well. They are in a special book. I can't look at them, because to me that's not how I want to remember him, but to her it is a great comfort. He was cremated in the end, so its not like he stayed in the casket either.

I think that some people just need a way to vent their sadness for loss and if Tar needs to buy other little kids presents in her daughters name, so be it. That one special child will recieve gifts to have a wonderful Christmas.

 

[Rhian]

You have 2 beautiful daughters, and another on the way...so why keep remembering someone who was never even a part of the family?[/quote]

Evidently, for TAR and her family, Cherish was and is very much part of the family. People have different ways of dealing with loss and grief. I personally believe it's wonderful that she wants to keep her daughter's memory alive by doing good things for other children.

TAR, the only 9 year old I'm in contact with regularly is a boy (my nephew Finn), but I can ask him what the girls in his class want for Christmas if that would help.

 

[TAR]

Well, thanks for the help. We went Wed. to pick a name, the little girl was 9yr old and she asked for clothes, and ear rings & a CD player & a CD we got all thoese and a new jacket as well as a few nice key chains, and new bed set (blanket, sheets, pillowcases)

We don't see it as a celebration really, we see it like we would have been buying gifts for her anyway if she were here, so why not make christmas wonderful for a child who may not get anything for christmas if not for the giving tree. This is the only thing we do on a yearly basis.
As I said the first year after we did somethig, and we plan on doing something special in her name for her 10th "birthday" (i know that would also make a debate because I know some concider her not born because she was stillborn... reason for no proof of birth by laws) We want to do that for reasons being she was a part of our family, I carried her, (even if only for a little while, it was long enough to feel the joy of having a baby, hearing her heart beat seeing her in ultrasound pics, feeling her move) She was wanted, everyone was exicted we were going to have a baby she would have been the first grandchild on both sides, We choose godparents, My bestfriend was starting to plan my babyshower, no matter that she never took a breath (if you knew all that happened that night I lost her you may feel different - I don't tell it because it is horrible and takes people by suprise as to what happened, it's been a number of years for me and and my family but we still kind of can't believe it happened) as I was saying she never took a breath but she touched our family and our friends and was suddenly taken away...

don't worry I don't take it too personal I've met a lot of people with different views on this over 10 years

 

[fallon]

well TAR I think you have to do whatever is nessacry for you and your family to remember your baby and good for you for choosing to do it in a way that benefits another child