Klear_Stepmom2b: IMHO, all of what you said can be just you wanting to hear yourself talk. None of it means anything and you have no idea what you are talking about, if you would have read any of this thread you would see that.
Wow, hostile much? I can understand her problem with you.
I was unaware that you were requesting supporting opinions only. Had you said so, I would have said nothing at all.
However....I do have a law degree, and yes, I'm the parent of two teens that we had together and we are married for life. I practiced in this incredibly depressing area very briefly 20 years ago, so take it for what it's worth, but I do recall a thing or two about how all this works.
The fact is, you have no standing in this case. This case is between the father and the mother of the child. You aren't anything yet. You are just a girlfriend of the father. So it isn't "we", it's "he". If he has any desire to hang onto his wallet, he will work something out with her like a mature adult and save his money. Or he could spend thousands fighting with her day and night, drag the child through the trauma, and not end up with a better result than two people who try to work together can have.
While I shouldn't have to respond, I feel the need to as you need a reality check. Are you even a parent? A step-parent? Anything?
Lol. Yeah, I have two teens. I don't just talk out of my butt to hear my voice/see my words on a page.
#1 - There was never any sort of marriage between the two. They dated, the father tried, the mother cheated on him, end of story, since then there's been conflict off and on.
Well, they had better get it together. When they fight, the child suffers. Period. Somebody had better be an adult here for the child. THIS is why God said "I hate divorce". Because Moms and Dads are supposed to be married to each other for life and raise their kids. No one is supposed to leave, be with someone else, not see his kid, etc etc. It's just really sad. Ok, aside over. You asked for opinions and I'm giving you the best free advice you are going to get. Tell your "fiance" to get it together and get along with this woman NO MATTER WHAT.
All things are possible to he who believes...
#2 - Scenery? I'm more than scenery. I am the fiance, meaning I will be the step-mother to this child in a few short months and love and care for the child even if the child is my own. Also meaning that I will also be in the child's life, and someone to help support my SD whenever she will need it. While I will just be a step-parent - I won't view it as so as I view it as I will be a parent, her and I have worked hard on our relationship, so I am earning the title AND WILL TAKE PRIDE IN IT!
That's all great, when and if it comes to pass. Then, you will have a voice in the matter. Right now, you have no legal standing. That is what I meant. You asked a legal question. You can rant on and on about how I don't understand your great relationship, blah blah....but you still have no legal standing in this matter whatsoever.
While I am not involved directly in the F2F situations in the court proceedings - due to the fact the case is about the Child's well-being... the BM (and yes, I will call her that b/c thats what she is.. a BIRTH MOTHER its better than using initials or actually saying the name and its nicer than any of the other names that I privately call her) is having wild parties with a house full of alcohol (while yes, legal- but not a healthy environment for a child, otherwise bars would have different age limitations and YES drugs on a school night while the child is supposed to be in the house - I don't understand how one can see that as smart and a good environment for someone who is so easily influenced to everything and everyone around them And there is proof, there is a lot of proof.
Well, calling her names is not going to solve your problem and it really makes you look immature so don't do that in front of anyone, like the attorney or the judge. I understand you were just venting here. If the father has evidence, he needs to present it to his attorney. The attorney will handle it from there. Is the father attempting to gain custody or just maintain visitation. If the environment is that bad as you say and there is proof, then it seems that attempting to gain custody is in order.
Even though the case is about the BM and the father, MY FIANCE, my soon to be husband - the BM has brought me into the case, while that's expected of someone who has no case, someone who is reaching for whatever she can - I have become a part of the case whether I like it or not. So since my character has been attacked, I have every right to be apart of this, while I will not physically be in court, I am 100% involved as I care about my SD and I have her well-being in mind.
You are not a party to the case; you have simply been mentioned as one of the factors in the life of the father, from what you say. That makes you "scenery" insofar as legal standing goes. If you were part of the case, you would be in court as well. If you were really wise, you'd not live with the father as he is attempting to gain custody or you'd get married now to indicate the stability of your relationship to the court.
#3 The father is treated by the mother that he is seen by her as "childcare" thats the perception of the father due to the mothers behavior in the past and the present. If you would have actually read this thread you would have seen this explained better.
I did read it. I did not see it explained well. He is the father, period. A father that spends more or less time with his child, as it works out. As a father, I'd take all I could get and not bellyache about being "childcare". That gives a really bad impression from a legal viewpoint. Not saying he is doing this, but I wouldn't be spouting this if I were you.
#4 In reference to the legal question, its just a simple question. I was wondering if it was something that can be brought up in court as a judge of character. As our characters have been personally attacked. I would hope that the lack of work ethic that the BM shows does not rub off in the child in any way.
Oh come on. You are just angry that she has mentioned you, the live in (if you are, or just the girlfriend) as a negative factor and you are retaliating. This is not a legal matter at all. She has a job or doesn't have a job. The court will not get into the particulars, absent something special, like a massive amount of travel or something that would affect the child.
Sometimes people are on opposite ends of a spectrum where they cannot come to a conclusion without the help of an attorney.
Only when they are stupid and money is no object. Smart people work it out like mature adults before they go bankrupt.
If the child had equal time with the father as the mother- I think that would immensely help with them growing up.
I won't argue with you there. A child deserves two parents, preferably two parents together who love each other and the child. Notwithstanding, the father should make his role in her life so important that the mother can't imagine him not being involved. If what that takes is that he lives alone, sees the child alone without the fiancee, if that is what makes Mom more comfortable, that's what any dad would do, rather than have a fiancee voicing opinions to the Mom.
My best advice to you; stay out of it and keep your opinions to yourself or vent to your girlfriends. This will help your soon-to-be husband work it out with the mother of his child.
Somehow, I suspect you will not appreciate that advice, but it's good advice in this situation...
All in all, while in the courts this is between the father and the BM.
Of course it is. You have no standing in this issue. You play only a supporting role (not an adversarial one).
I will NOT remove myself from the situation as I am more than "SCENERY" I am apart of this family whether the BM likes it or not. I am apart of this child's life whether the BM likes it or not. I will not be going anywhere, and I will be here to stay as I have been. I would fight for this child to have an amazing upbringing and life if I was legally able to, I would put no limitations of what the future may hold for the child. I would never refuse rights of a parent, and I would fight for a parent to get equal rights if he/she so deserves.
All this is the father's job.
To the moderators: If I have crossed any lines here, I apologize. But I needed the person to see that they are in the wrong. While, sure every bit of advice is greatly appreciated, the above response was unwarranted. And not appreciated.
LOL. Next time make it clear that you only want handholding and not real advice. I've seen this play out over and over. Your best role is silent or even out of the picture until the custody issues are settled and hopefully the Mom willl have a relationship soon with someone worthy and won't care who the father is with anymore.
