Santa Claus...

[Dadu2004]

OK guys, this has really been bothering me lately as we approach Christmas.

Why is it ok to lie to our children? I mean, I see the joy and excitemment that my daughter has "knowing" that Santa Claus is coming and she's going to get lots of cool stuff for Christmas. I see this knowing that I'm going to have to eventually break her heart. I dread the day that she comes home from school crying because some older kid told her that Santa isn't real.

Why do we live this lie with our kids? If she lied to me for years about something, I'd be really angry, so why is it ok for me to do it to her?

I'm not saying that I'm going to stop, but I sure need someone to make me feel better about it....

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

I think that most kids "know" way before they let on that they know. While technically it's a lie, it isn't malicious. I don't think there are many people walking around hating on their parents for fooling them into believing santa was real.
I remember the discussion with my brothers that if we let them know that we know he isnt real then we might not get as many presents, lol.

 

[Dadu2004]

Is a non-malicious lie any better than a malicious lie? Isn't a lie still a lie?

 

[Jeremy+3]

To me a lie is a lie, if we keep something from our children, or bend the truth, eventually, they will discover our lie, which then gives them the message that telling lies is okay, because mum and dad do it. We don't do santa, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny etc.

 

[fallon]

I think telling your young child Santa isn't real is equal to stealing a huge part of their childhood. Santa is magic and fantasy...we would probably be much happier adults if we had a little more of that in our own lives

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

To me a lie is a lie, if we keep something from our children, or bend the truth, eventually, they will discover our lie, which then gives them the message that telling lies is okay, because mum and dad do it. We don't do santa, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny etc.

I'm guessing no one fills you in on any surprise parties going on for fear that you are going to reveal the "lie"?

 

[mom2many]

When our children play dress up, and we go along with it...isn't that a lie? But we go along to build thier imaginations and to make them feel good..right?

I see Santa no differently, and I know of no child traumatized by Santa. Most adults have fond memories of his visit, and pass that same fondness down to thier child.

We lie everyday of our lives, lies aren't always malicious, sometimes we do it to protect someone, sometimes we do it because we just don't want to talk about something..."No nothing's bothering me" when we know something is. So to say a lie is a lie is just wrong as with anything in life there are grey area's. I certanily try to not lie to my children, but there are times were they just don't need to know.

 

[Jeremy+3]

I'm guessing no one fills you in on any surprise parties going on for fear that you are going to reveal the "lie"?

Surprise parties, no, we would never do the sort, wine parties yes, surprise parties, fancy dress etc, no thank you.

 

[Xero]

I get that Santa is a lie, technically. Really that's a word you can use for it, but its not the word that fits it best. Really, a better word for it would be a fantasy. Its one that we play along with, and technically no its not true. This is the first year I have actually had to approach this for real, as a parent. Eli is at the age where we can play along with these things, and he wasn't before. We actually contemplated whether or not we wanted to do Santa, or just tell him that the presents are from us because we love him. BUT, we came to the same conclusion that Fallon did. We feel that if we deny him this fantasy, it really does take away from one of the most magical things we can recall from our childhoods. We both did it as kids, and we both found out, and we both refrained from telling our parents that we knew for awhile lol because A. we liked to play along and B. we didn't want to hurt our parents' feelings because we knew they weren't LYING to us, they were going out of their way to fantasize with us to make things fun for us and make us happy because they loved us. I have never met ANYONE who felt any kind of negative feelings over finding out that their parents were "lying" about Santa or the tooth fairy lol. Never. No one was ever scarred over finding out the truth, that I know of. The only thing I've ever heard are fond memories of when they DID believe in that stuff. So what's wrong with that? I'd rather create fond memories for my kids than worry about how much truth they know.

Kids don't need to know every last harsh truth about the world. They're only children. They need a little fantasy, and pretend, and magic. They thrive off of it. Like M2M said, we're lying to them when we play dress up with them. And you know what, we're lying to them when we read them story books. Disney movies are not the truth. This applies to SO many things, and if you believe that strongly in Santa being a lie, you better stay away from all of that other stuff too. You know?

 

[Dadu2004]

I get the point, but I don't think you can really compare playing dress up and watching Disney movies. You go into those knowing that they're make-believe. Kids believe in Santa thinking that he's real.

 

[mom2many]

You go into those knowing that they're make-believe.

Not really...try to convince my son when he is a puppy that her really isn't one (as he sips water from a bowl off the floor). In the moment that a kids is thier favorite character or animal, the believe that they are really that thing. Santa is once a year for a month to a month and a half I might agree if he was a 365 day fantasy, but in the larger picture it is a very small amount of time.

I have to say that this may be the year Cole (8) and Vanna (5) discover the truth..they went snooping and found the santa presents, they say they only saw one thing but if what they say is true they had to see everything else...I don't have the time or money to replace everything, and I am bothered by this. If it was just Cole it wouldn't really matter he is at the age where he is hearing things, but I would have liked for Vanna to have it a little longer. If they do figure it out I'll have to work extra hard to make sure it isn't ruined for the smaller 2. I am sad that the magic might be over for them.


The little buggers went into my coal room, which is way back in the basement and at the time had no light cause nobody goes back there..it's scary. They must have had a flashlight and then battled the fear of the coal room...very determined for sure .

 

[Father_0f_7]

My kids were always too smart to believe our "lie" of Santa.

Megan was 4 when we said something like "look what Santa got you" and she just looked at us like we were stupid.
Dylan, same thing. And when Dane started laughing at Santa in the mall we just gave up.

I would have loved to have them believe in Santa at one point in their lives but it just wasnt going to happen.

 

[Xero]

Well really I don't think its a big deal or anything, like I said I contemplated not doing it. BF and I went over the pros and cons together and the pros outweighed the cons for us. I don't have anything against parents who don't do the Santa thing. I just know I loved it as a kid, so I'm going to share it with Eli too for as long as he feels like going along with it.

If it bothers you so much, there's no reason you HAVE to do it. If you feel wrong doing it, and you feel like you're doing something bad to her, then don't do it. I'm sure she'll be just fine, and just as happy with her presents and whatnot. I don't think Santa is VITAL to Christmas, I just think he's a lot of fun, and kinda magical. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

 

[Dadu2004]

See, that's the thing, I don't know what makes me comfortable. This just cropped up on me over the last few weeks...not sure why.

 

[fallon]

I get the point, but I don't think you can really compare playing dress up and watching Disney movies. You go into those knowing that they're make-believe. Kids believe in Santa thinking that he's real.

they believe in the magic of Santa. I have a lot of fond memories of Christmas and Santa, but I have no idea when or how I found out he wasn't real, let alone how I felt about my parents "lying" to me

 

[Dadu2004]

They don't know that they're believing in the "magic of Santa"...to them, they're believing in a real fat man that squeezes down their chimney and leaves them presents.

 

[fallon]

Not really...try to convince my son when he is a puppy that her really isn't one (as he sips water from a bowl off the floor).

haha...Logan is going through the same phase right now

 

[fallon]

They don't know that they're believing in the "magic of Santa"...to them, they're believing in a real fat man that squeezes down their chimney and leaves them presents.

see I guess that depends on how you present it. In the end you have to do what's right for you. My take on it is children are forced to grow up way to fast...I will lie to my kids about Santa as long as I can. I love that children's minds are so open to the idea of magic and the pure joy on their faces this time of year. I want to hang on to those moments of innocence as long as I can

 

[Dadu2004]

So...with that in mind.... my question then would be: Is the Santa Claus presentation more for the kids or for the parents?

 

[fallon]

it should be for both...I think every family handles Santa differently though. I just have a special place in my heart for the fat man...lol

BTW, I found this thread....should be an interesting read related to the topic http://www.parentingforums.org/f10/there-santa-claus-159.html[/url]