School Issues....

[Aimee McIntyre]

I have had a letter sent home to me from School regarding DD not obeying orders and answering teachers back.

The School have a rule in place; if weather is cold/wet or snowing then pupils MUST wear a coat and the coat has to be fastened up before they get outside to play. School say that on wet days, DD will not fasten her coat and when they ask her nicely to "zip up your coat" she just says "no, I don't want to" and if they attempt to zip it for her she moans "go away" to the teacher.

She has now been excluded from getting out during break/lunch twice for disobeying that rule but DD just comes home upset asking what she should do.

What would you say in that situation?

 

[cybele]

I am seriously perplexed by how many issues a single item of clothing can cause.

 

[cybele]

Wait a minute, aren't you in the UK?
Isn't it summer there?
And school holidays?

 

[Aimee McIntyre]

I know. We were making progress with this by letting her decide when to fasten the coat, now School are insisting on it being fastened in poor weather, even resorting to fastening it for her.

Yes, to all 3 questions cybele, they want me to work with her over the holidays regarding this issue, they return to School in Mid August.

 

[Antoinette]

Would it make a difference if you told them you didn't mind her not fastening the jacket because you like her to make choices so she understands cause and effect and learns for herself why she should fasten her jacket because she will get cold Etc. I don't know about the school she is going to but it would work at my boys school

 

[Aimee McIntyre]

No Antoinette (lovely name btw), that wouldn't work because the rule states that until the Jacket is fastened up, they don't get out, in fact, even if the hood isn't up, they don't get outside until it is.

They put that rule in place because the teachers don't want kids coming back into class with soaking wet or dirty uniforms or very cold ears.

FWIW, DD has a Purple Regatta coat, she is very fussy, she won't wear a coat with buttons or toggles, she will only wear a full zip up coat and even that has to be Regatta, that is her favourite brand.

 

[Orlando Marquez]

Ok, the lesson the school is trying to teach is parameters and respect for authority and adults. I seriously doubt the school places emphasis on what the child "prefers" to wear or what the child actually has in his/her closet to wear.

The child is in the process of being taught that different rules apply at different locations. What the parents allow the child to do in thier household doesnt necessarily mean the child can carry on in the same manner someplace else. What you as an adult wears at home may not be acceptable due to policy at work, and we have learned this from a very young age. Creating a habit of allowing a small child to deviate from early school rules might eventually, over time, become a habit carried over into adulthood.

As a parent, my son has been taught that at school, he abides by thier rules because he is not the only student and will not get special treatment. Rules, while part of the learning process, are not negotiable. I remind him he is the child and we are the adults. He understands he needs to be a better child than those around him, in order to become a better adult.




Allow your child to learn about rules and restrictions when spending time at other places. It doesnt sound to be all about the clothing, it seems like the school is also attempting to teach valuable lessons.






Sent from above...

 

[Aimee McIntyre]

The School want me to try and get through to her that she won't get out at break times if she won't obey a simple rule but apart from reminding her that, until her jacket is fastened up, she won't get out, there is nothing else I can do :-(.

So any useful tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[singledad]

I would contact the school and ask them why this rule exists.

My kid gets taught to respect authority, but she does NOT get taught to obey authority figures without question. Unwavering obedience is the most powerful tool in the pedophile's toolbox.

 

[Aimee McIntyre]

Singledad, I have asked DD to ask that exact question, which she did. She was told "it is to keep you dry during recess or break/lunchtimes plus in order to keep uniform clean", then she was told "don't question a rule again or else you'll be sent up to see headmistress.

The teacher will usually threaten to send her to headmistress if she doesn't fasten up her coat when asked, teacher even makes sure that zip is fastened all way to top and hood is up, that is far too controlling of them imho :-(.

 

[Antoinette]

I try to teach my children to follow the rules but I also like them to make choices. For example at Alegra's kindly the children are not allowed to wear shoes outside for some safety reason. But her feet get cold so she likes to wear her shoes so her teachers just called me in and got me to sign a waver saying if she falls off the slide etc because of her shoes then the school doesn't take responsibility for it. Which I did and now she is allowed to wear her shoes outside

 

[Orlando Marquez]

Wow. If the school ever called my house to question my home rules they would have hell to deal with. So as an adult, I realize I shouldn't call the school to question them about thier rules.

If a parent doesnt like certain rules a school has in place, the parent should move his/her child someplace else. Simple. The last thing a school needs is catering to parents from every student wanting different rules for every child depending on thier households.

My son understands that once he walks out of our front door, new rules apply. I'm teaching him that he will have to deal with the "real world" where rules change according to where you are, whether he likes them or not and he will have to adjust and he will have to improvise. He understands I am not always going to be around nor will I be there to question other adults as to why he can't do certain things and he will eventually need to fend completely for himself.

I'm teaching him that he needs to learn how to follow BEFORE he can learn how to lead.

 

[Tiffany01]

You need to be more polite to her. Then she wouldn't know how to scream like "go away". and don't be so worried about her, girls like her age always has those type of issue.

 

[Aimee McIntyre]

FWIW, she doesn't *always* get to choose if her jacket needs fastened because if its chucking down with rain and her jacket is wide open, I ask her to "fasten your jacket darling, its pouring" and if she doesn't, I do it, I fasten it right up to top and put up her hood.

 

[Orlando Marquez]

FWIW, she doesn't *always* get to choose if her jacket needs fastened because if its chucking down with rain and her jacket is wide open, I ask her to "fasten your jacket darling, its pouring" and if she doesn't, I do it, I fasten it right up to top and put up her hood.

Good, no parent wants a sick child. Especially a child we can cloth well.

 

[Aimee McIntyre]

Some parents may disagree with my stance lol.

I only make her fasten her coat if its pouring with rain or in winter and as I say, it has to be fastened all way to top with her hood up plus scarf/gloves on to protect her from cold and to keep her uniform clean and dry.

 

[singledad]

Singledad, I have asked DD to ask that exact question, which she did. She was told "it is to keep you dry during recess or break/lunchtimes plus in order to keep uniform clean", then she was told "don't question a rule again or else you'll be sent up to see headmistress.

The teacher will usually threaten to send her to headmistress if she doesn't fasten up her coat when asked, teacher even makes sure that zip is fastened all way to top and hood is up, that is far too controlling of them imho :-(.

Don't ask her, ask the school. Get the adult version. Try ro understand why they insist on zipped coats in what should be the middle of summer. I know I couldn't "work With" my daughter on a rule that I would probably break myself

Wow. If the school ever called my house to question my home rules they would have hell to deal with. So as an adult, I realize I shouldn't call the school to question them about thier rules

While I agree that rules can't be changed for every child, I don't agree that the school has the same decision making rights as I do when it comes to raising my child, and I reserve the right to demand an explanation of the reasoning behind a rule. Especially if I should be requested to help enforce it. See, neither "because that is the rule", nor "because I say so" would fly in my house. That simply isn't how I raise my children.

 

[Orlando Marquez]

While I agree that rules can't be changed for every child, I don't agree that the school has the same decision making rights as I do when it comes to raising my child, and I reserve the right to demand an explanation of the reasoning behind a rule. Especially if I should be requested to help enforce it. See, neither "because that is the rule", nor "because I say so" would fly in my house. That simply isn't how I raise my children.




While a child is at school, the parent ISN'T raising the child. Schools raise children in the absence of thier parents. The moment I drop him off at school, he is being raised by the school staff, not by me. It is this reason that he follows only thier rules. Having a child follow school rules and house rules at the same time will eventually create problems between students and the teachers, the teachers and the parents, and the parents and thier child.

Interesting to see the difference between parenting, my 12 yr old son is aware "because that is the rule" and "because I say so" is exactly what flys in my home. He understands that while he is at school, he is there to learn waaaaaaay more than just simple academics. All of that occurs under someone else's "roof", which means he is under someone else's rules. He is there to build all kinds of skills not acquired through text books alone, so he also understands that I will not enforce school rules in the same manner that the school does not enforce my home rules.

Now, if a teacher becomes a bully like may be the case with this little girl... the situation changes...


Lol

 

[Aimee McIntyre]

What makes you think that teacher is a bully lol? All she is doing is getting DD to follow a simple rule.

What I can't understand is, why are School asking for my help because all I can do is, on days that she has recess I can say "if its raining and teacher asks you to fasten your coat then thats what you have to do sweetheart".

Thats why I am needing a bit more advice, what would you do/say in that situation?

 

[Orlando Marquez]

What makes you think that teacher is a bully lol? All she is doing is getting DD to follow a simple rule.

What I can't understand is, why are School asking for my help because all I can do is, on days that she has recess I can say "if its raining and teacher asks you to fasten your coat then thats what you have to do sweetheart".

Thats why I am needing a bit more advice, what would you do/say in that situation?

How about rewarding her for following simple rules? Maybe some of her favorite fruits, or some ice cream when she is doing very well. I've seen colorful fruits like strawberries, different color grapes, and mangos do wonders with small children.