Seeking help with daughter

sinjin

New member
Feb 23, 2021
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I really don't know where to start and, frankly, this isn't easy to write. I have a 13-year-old daughter that, simply put, has no desire to have a relationship with me. This is due to my blowing up at her over the years, anger, and what I guess would amount to mental and emotional abuse. I haven't always treated her mother or brother (22 years old) well. They have the same mom.

I, my wife, and daughter all live in the same house. It seems that my daughter and I are nothing more than roommates. I talked to her about our relationship yesterday. She told me that she does not enjoy being at home. She spends the vast majority of her time in her room. She was frank in saying that she has no desire to have a relationship with me right now. Additionally, she mentioned that we've had this same discussion numerous times in the past and nothing has changed. I've gotten a bit better lately with my temper, but it's hard to undo the damage from the past. She also seems to have some anger towards my wife for permitting my behavior towards her (i.e. my daughter) and not doing anything about it. This is all really bothering me.

I have to admit that there have been times where I didn't care about the status of our relationship. If I'm being brutally honest, I've always favored her brother. Months have gone by and I've made little to no effort to try to improve things.

I've spoken to my wife about it and she said I can't focus on the past, but rather move ahead. I just don't know where to start with trying to repair our relationship. I'd appreciate any feedback or help that is provided, whether it's constructive or not. I certainly deserve anything thrown at me because I've certainly given out my share of negativity over the years. Thank you.
 

Uplift_our_Moms

New member
Feb 24, 2021
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I have a 21, 17 and 9 year old and I would say that the older girls appreciate writing rather than having a verbal conversation. This allows them to mentally prepare and process what is being said, maybe at the times when you are ready to talk, she is not in the mindset to receive. I would lay it all out in a letter and ask her what you can do to repair the relationship, do not give up! I hope this helps...
 
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Moonstone

Member
Nov 9, 2020
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@Uplift_our_Moms I love this and I think this is an excellent idea. I struggle to articulate my feelings in a vocal conversation especially during when it's emotionally taxing. I find taking the time to write something out allows me to reflect on what I want to say. And, the nice thing is, if you don't like how it looks you can always start over before giving it to her. You can't take back spoken words.

Don't rush it! And even when you give it to her don't try to rush a response back.
 

Uplift_our_Moms

New member
Feb 24, 2021
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@Uplift_our_Moms I love this and I think this is an excellent idea. I struggle to articulate my feelings in a vocal conversation especially during when it's emotionally taxing. I find taking the time to write something out allows me to reflect on what I want to say. And, the nice thing is, if you don't like how it looks you can always start over before giving it to her. You can't take back spoken words.

Don't rush it! And even when you give it to her don't try to rush a response back.
 

Uplift_our_Moms

New member
Feb 24, 2021
4
1
3
Exactly, words can not be taken back and for some people it takes them some time to gather thoughts. Our kids are bolder writing then speaking, everything is texting or typing.