serious dilemma...

[thelegendary]

Hi Everyone,

I am not a parent but I have a serious issue that I need help with. I have a friend who recently found out that his girlfriend is pregnant. His girlfriend is about 2 months along. They plan to carry the child to term and raise the child together. Besides being pretty young (23 and 26) and having unstable and immature personalities, they are both marijuana dealers who love to drink and smoke dope. I am of the understanding that the young woman in this situation smokes pot and cigarettes daily, and I heard tonight that she was having a few glasses of wine. My friend (the guy) s very nonchalant about all of this. He realizes to some degree the level of responsibility he is about to undertake, but I cannot believe that he allows her to drink and use drugs while pregnant. He doesn't seem to care at all.

His girlfriend is a college educated, reasonably intelligent individual, but she seems so mentally out of whack that she shouldn't have anything to do with children. My dilemma is that I feel like I should say something about the drug and alcohol use. It is one thing to be a bit immature and unprepared to be parents, but to be pot dealers with a hippy-like lifestyle raising a kid, and to have the mother smoking and drinking and using pot while pregnant is reprehensible. I don't think she is getting really drunk necessarily, but even a little bit of alcohol is a bad idea when pregnant. Should I say something to them, or at least to my buddy? He is a very passive guy and I don't think he'd stand up to her about this if he wanted to. I almost always stay out of other people's business, but this is just eating at me. I don't know if I could sleep anymore if their kid turned out FAS or worse. It seems in our society that telling someone what to do or not to do with regards to their children is taboo no matter what it is, but I don't agree with it, and this is a pretty bad situation. Please give advice if you can.

 

[Music-dad]

Well...sounds like you don't think saying anything will do much good, so don't bother, but here's an idea...go to any doctor's office and get the brochures on FAS and Smoking While Pregnant, and slip it under their door when they're not home, and play dumb if they ask if it was you.

With a little luck, they'll read them and maybe get it together.

Smoking and drinking while pregnant is kind of a crap shoot, some have reprocussions, and some don't...look at all the kids born to hippies in the late 60's, and early 70's...tons of babies were born with smoking/drinking moms...some were affected, some weren't.

If all else fails...take a look at this wingnut and have a good laugh (read the caption)

 

[TAR]

OMG.... I don't even know what to say.. (thats gotta be a first for me), Maybe you could talk to your friend about FAS, get some solid facts to bring up to him. When I was in high school on of my friends was pregnant didn't know it and we all went out and drank and stuff well her baby was born with FAS, and it was and still is so hard on them. I would even know were to begin really with this, I just can't believe there are people who just plain don't care! I was young and pregnant (and WAY younger than this couple) and I knew better. I hope this helps a little and I hope someone else can give you some better advice. Good luck

 

[Xero]

Call the cops. Pot is illegal and that is messed up and irresponsible. People in this world these days don't do enough to protect the helpless. Call the freakin cops. Screw talking to them, if they know she's pregnant and they still don't care, they don't deserve the chance and you wont be able to help.

 

[NinJaBob]

I don't know what you can do. Calling the cops may work but most likely they'll get enough treatment to keep the baby and keep doing what they're doing. I think that your hands are pretty much tied unfortunately. You can't change people they have to change themselves.

 

[meow_173]

IF anything, if you call the childrens aid society, the child will be taken away from the parents at birth and then who knows what will happen.

I don't know what you should do. If you are really close with your buddy, then say something.

 

[Gitti]

If in times like this you do nothing then when the child is born with a birth defect (which I seriously hope is not the case), you will feel partly guilty. So in my opinion, do something.