Should she return Sunday?...

[doordie81]

Should she return Sunday after Moms?

Was looking for some advice here folks. I have a 7 year old daughter that is in second grade. I have primary custody and mom has every other weekend/ holiday however I allow her every weekend now and she recently spent the summer there minus a couple weekends. Here recently her mother did not pick her up a couple Fridays and wanted to keep her Sunday night and bring her to school Monday. I allowed it but now she wants to do so every Sunday. I feel there is an adjustment needed from her home to ours and my train of thought is my daughter needs to come home Sunday night and get re-adjusted for the coming week. Am I being unfair here? Is it as important as I feel it is for her to keep to the schedule and return Sunday or am I being to strict, or not strict enough? What are ya'lls thoughts on the matter?

 

[doordie81]

Mods, I really wanted to post this in the general forum but I wasn't able to. Could it be moved eventually for more views?

 

[IADad]

Well, I can see where the request comes from , you've been flexible, so why not ask for more flexibility.

My one question is "Why" Why is it important to return Sunday? Do you do anything special to get ready for the upooming week, or is it just your comfort that she's in her bed in your home, before the school week starts?

If there are reasons that are really best served from your home, then that's a discussion to have and a potential reason to insist. Potentially. Otherwise, I don't see why Monday morning at school isn't just as valid of a demarcation point as Sunday at 4:00 or any other time. I think it's important to get into and stay in routine, but whether that routine is established at your house or moms, seems pretty insignificant, unless there's more information.

 

[IADad]

Mods, I really wanted to post this in the general forum but I wasn't able to. Could it be moved eventually for more views?

done

 

[doordie81]

Her mother has yet to show she is responsible with school work. Her summer reading and assignments went to Moms (she looped with her 1st grade teacher) and did not get completed. She started the year behind as a result. What little homework that has gone to moms has not been completed. She doesn't do her 20mins of required reading a day either. There is a definite difference in behavior from moms house to ours and I want to be sure that is the behavior she is going to school with as well. I also see it as one more night she gets her required reading done. Maybe I'm being a bit to picky?

 

[pwsowner]

If she has homework over the weekend and her mom doesn't have her do it, then have her be at home for part of the weekend. If that means Sunday night, so be it. You need to be careful about the flexibility though. As you can see, too much flexibility becomes too flexible. She does need a fairly consistent routine.

 

[IADad]

I guess the part that's confusing is you're getting a bit insistent about Sunday evening, yet you've expanded her stays at moms to every weekend.

While I applaud your flexibility and cooperation, it seems like a bit of a mixed message. I guess I don't see what's majical about Sunday night. She can not do her reading Sunday as easily as she can not do it Friday, right?

I think you're absolutely right to be concerned about mom's lack of "focus" on helping with school, and Reading is SSOOOOOO important at first and second grade, it's where they are really building fluency and good habits as well. So, what does mom have to say about school work, regardless of the schedule. Can you discuss that without it appearing to be a threat to decrease her time with DD?

 

[doordie81]

I guess I am a bit insistent, may need to look at that. I guess the main concerns are A) She is supposed to read every night and she doesn't there (we have talked about it and I just get empty promises). B) She has weekend behavior/rules there and she goes to school monday with that behavior. She has been having behavior problems so far this year.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

The thing is when one of parents has a child on weekend basis, they are more focused on leisure and having a good time than worry about "work" and discipline.
Dunno what to say, but how about mother having her more on schooldays, so she has equal amount of "work"?

 

[akmom]

I can see the logic for having her home on Sunday night.

You could approach it ultimatum-style, where if she gets her homework and reading done over the week-end, she gets to stay at her mom's the following Sunday night. I doubt it will be very effective though. I think you are going to have to be resigned to the fact that your daughter won't be reading or academically challenged when she is with her mom.

I don't think it's such a big deal, if she is getting consistent reading and a good homework routine at your place. You can't change how the other person parents. Personally I think it's great you're able to be flexible, and give her more than every-other-weekend with her mom.