Hello everyone, I'm new here and I feel like I have so much to post...but I'll start with the one thing that I feel is ripping my family apart...sibling fights. I have two daughters, 11 and 7. The 11 year old is quite mature (too mature) for her age. My 7 year old has always been an attention-getter. What I mean by that is, I suppose out of jealousy for the 11 year old, the 7 year old will misbehave to get attention. So now, on to my issue du jour...these two girls fight constantly. I mean all the time. Whenever they are together, it's arguing. It's so bad...there are many times that I really just want to up and leave. My wife feels the same way. Now, I know that the 11 year old has been having to deal with the 7 year old's wicked attention-getting ways for a long time and I do have the 7 year old in counseling for the attention-getting, impulse control issues (in school as well)...but how do you get two headstrong sisters to get along. I really fear that they will grow up hating each other...I'm sure that the older already hates the younger. Any advice is welcomed.
Sibling fights...
- Thread starter keahunter
- Start date
It's hardly ever physical (maybe an occassional push, but no hitting). Lord only knows what they fight about...anything! Last night, I was driving home from a basketball game and they fought over who sits in the front seat with me. I don't know if there is a typical fight...it's honestly about anything and everything. They will fight about who gets on the computer first. They will fight about what channel they watch on TV. If my oldest does something or, for example, starts singing a song, my youngest will start up and sing with her...that kind of "copying" will drive my oldest crazy and they'll fight about that. I tell my oldest that the younger just loves her to pieces (which despite her very annoying behavior, is true) and wants to be like her and instead of getting angry at her copying her or joining in, she should be flattered...yeah, that doesn't work very well. So, it's really about anything and everything.
<I>Last night, I was driving home from a basketball game and they fought over who sits in the front seat with me.</I>
To solve this conflict - neither one is old enough to sit in the front seat. Please see
http://www.parentingforums.org/showthread.php?t=3156
My kids are 9 & 11. They used to fight like cats and dogs, but after I read a sibling book, I learned I was stepping in too much. I also learned parents sometimes say things, not aware that those statements pit siblings against each other. Once I backed off and let my kids work things out on their own more often, they have been getting along much better. Of course, there are still times when it's necessary to step in, but as long as things aren't physical, I try to stay out of it.
<U>Siblings Without Rivalry</U>
by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
To solve this conflict - neither one is old enough to sit in the front seat. Please see
http://www.parentingforums.org/showthread.php?t=3156
My kids are 9 & 11. They used to fight like cats and dogs, but after I read a sibling book, I learned I was stepping in too much. I also learned parents sometimes say things, not aware that those statements pit siblings against each other. Once I backed off and let my kids work things out on their own more often, they have been getting along much better. Of course, there are still times when it's necessary to step in, but as long as things aren't physical, I try to stay out of it.
<U>Siblings Without Rivalry</U>
by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
I say put them in karate where they are held accountable or an extra curricular activity. Plus it will also let the littlest have her OWN thing she can be proud of. Of course let them each do something different.
As for punishment, do what you say and say what you do. How many times have you threatend and not followed through? Or you get so sick of hearing it that you tune it out? They know you get tired so they do it more.
Start stripping their rooms. Remind them that kids only need to be provided with a bed a blanket and a hot meal (not even a good meal)
Go on strike.
Don't let them see you tired.
As for punishment, do what you say and say what you do. How many times have you threatend and not followed through? Or you get so sick of hearing it that you tune it out? They know you get tired so they do it more.
Start stripping their rooms. Remind them that kids only need to be provided with a bed a blanket and a hot meal (not even a good meal)
Go on strike.
Don't let them see you tired.
Thanks for the book and the advice, both about the letting them work it out and stripping thier rooms. I've actually had them try and work things out on thier own...figuring that they would..and honeslty, It just was unbearable...I have taken the strip the room and priveledge route too...and your right, consistancy is the key for that. When I am consistant it does seem to make things a little better...I guess life gets in the way and the next thing you know, you're trying to ignore it hoping it goes away. I have to just remember that I'm the parent (along with my wife of course) and that no matter how much we want to give up, we can't...we just have to take back the control. Thanks again for listening...it's nice to just be able to have a forum to "blow off" some steam.
My sister used to drive me crazy and would contradict everything I said which would lead to fights. Now that we are grown up I still don't agree with a lot that she does but we don't fight anymore because I learned somewhere along the way not to let her get to me. I make my kids hug when they are fighting. Man do they hate that - enough to get along for a while.
Kaytee...I actually did have them in Karate for a while. That didn't really help too much.
Jenilouise, omg, I couldn't even imagine suggesting that my oldest girl hug my youngest
That would by hysterical, just her reaction when I suggested it.
I do agree that I think part of it is just age and I pray with time it will pass.
Jenilouise, omg, I couldn't even imagine suggesting that my oldest girl hug my youngest
That would by hysterical, just her reaction when I suggested it. I do agree that I think part of it is just age and I pray with time it will pass.
My girls are 18 and 15, and they still have those fights. The quickest way to make sure they blow over? Ignore them, and let them work them out on their own. Tell them that you aren't going to intervene in their disagreements any longer, and that THEY are responsible for working out their problems with each other....and then stick to it.
You should have seen my girls faces the first time. LOL!keahunter said:Kaytee...I actually did have them in Karate for a while. That didn't really help too much.
Jenilouise, omg, I couldn't even imagine suggesting that my oldest girl hug my youngest
I do agree that I think part of it is just age and I pray with time it will pass.
My kids used to fight all the time when they are younger, when my oldest was 13 and youngest as 9. They fought until he turned 14 or 15 and it all stopped. Maybe it's just time that is a factor?