Stealing...

[Kim]

So Hannah comes downstairs after bedtime last night crying that she is afraid she is going to get arrested and go to jail. After a little discussion, she confessed that she stole some candy from the grocery store a while back. (This seems very cliche, doesn't it?)

So we explained to her how stores work - the store has to buy the things that they sell - and talked to her about what would happen to the store if everyone stole even just one item, etc.

We told her we are proud of her for telling the truth, but stressed how wrong stealing is and so forth.

We both think that even though she has shown some accountability to us, that she also needs to show accountability to the store. She is doing some extra around-the-house work to earn extra allowance to pay the store back, and I have arranged a meeting for us with the store manager (I called ahead of time and explained the situation).

Now, I am getting feedback from family/friends that making her confess to the store manager is too harsh. I am getting responses like She is only 6, kids do this stuff, as long as we tell her stealing is wrong that is fine, etc. I will of course do what we think is right and take her to confess to the store manager and pay for the candy, I don't really care what other people say. I already feel like a horrible enough parent, I don't need what other people are saying to make me feel even worse!

I just wondered - has anyone else gone through this? What did you do in your situation? Does anyone else think I am being too harsh?

Thanks for any input.

 

[musicmom]

Yup, This happend to us. My son was in the Disney store and took a fake jewel from the floor. I noticed it in his pocket. I also had the talk like you did. I had him write a letter why it was wrong and what could happen to me and then I had him write an apology to the store. We went to the mall and he had to hand it to the manager. She read the letter in front of him and he was SOOOOOOOO embarrassed. She said "I am very proud of you for telling the truth and I forgive you" and that was it. He was relieved he wasn't arrested and we went home. I told him I was proud of him for doing the right thing. (he was six almost seven at the time)
But I scared him. I told him people get arrested for that kind of stuff and I hope she doesn't call mall security. I told him I would hold his hand but when we got there he had to look her in the eyes and take responsibility. He did.
You are doing the right thing. It makes you feel sick to your stomach but it will scare the snot out of them to not do it again!! Believe that.
Oh and he taped two quarters to the paper to pay for it. (she gave those back) and told him not to do it again.

 

[unmanaged]

My son stole when he was six or seven and we had to tell him it was wrong. We found out (he didn't tell us) and we told him stealing is very, very wrong. He was a little hurt and it took him a while to feel comfortable about what he had done, but now he made himself (without my help_ a very strict set of guidlines:
No swearing.
No stealing.
No lying.

I am (obviously) very proud of him, I did not tell the store manager, so I would say he is a little to harsh (sorry! don't want to worry you!). She is after all very young, and might not understand the seriousness of what she had just done. I would not want to overwhelm her, because I remember my son feeling, very, very guilty, and going and crying about it. Just imagine it from her point of view, she does something she probably doesn't know is THAT BAD and then you tell her it is very wrong, and that she must tell the person she did it too. I would think she would feel very scared. Hope I didn't make you feel worst!

 

[Illumination]

I do think having her confess to the manager is a bit harsh. It sounds like she already regrets what she did, so I might let her off the hook. I think, either way, she probably won't do it again.

 

[Kaytee]

I don't think it is harsh, if you have talked to the store manager ahead of time and s/he understands the child is only 6. That you just want her to put a face on what she did. I think it can be a very positive thing. Now if you racted out of anger then it would be wrong. I also think she should be done after that though. Its hard for a young child to tell people she doesn't know that she did something wrong.

 

[fallon]

I think you have handle this in the very best way possible. It isn't harsh to make her account for what she did and after meeting with the manager she probably won't ever do it again. You should be very proud of her for telling what she did and you are 100% right for making her go back to the store

 

[musicmom]

I forgot to add that I did call the manager ahead of time I asked her to be firm but not hard on him *I'm a sap* That's my baby, what can I say?

 

[Kaytee]

I think you did great!!

 

[musicmom]

So Hannah comes downstairs after bedtime last night crying that she is afraid she is going to get arrested and go to jail. After a little discussion, she confessed that she stole some candy from the grocery store a while back. (This seems very cliche, doesn't it?)

So we explained to her how stores work - the store has to buy the things that they sell - and talked to her about what would happen to the store if everyone stole even just one item, etc.

We told her we are proud of her for telling the truth, but stressed how wrong stealing is and so forth.

We both think that even though she has shown some accountability to us, that she also needs to show accountability to the store. She is doing some extra around-the-house work to earn extra allowance to pay the store back, and I have arranged a meeting for us with the store manager (I called ahead of time and explained the situation).

Now, I am getting feedback from family/friends that making her confess to the store manager is too harsh. I am getting responses like She is only 6, kids do this stuff, as long as we tell her stealing is wrong that is fine, etc. I will of course do what we think is right and take her to confess to the store manager and pay for the candy, I don't really care what other people say. I already feel like a horrible enough parent, I don't need what other people are saying to make me feel even worse!

I just wondered - has anyone else gone through this? What did you do in your situation? Does anyone else think I am being too harsh?

Thanks for any input.

You are a good mom!

 

[Kim]

You are a good mom!

Aw, thanks.

And thanks everyone else for your opinions.

 

[jtee]

It's probably not too harsh depending on sensitive your daughter is. I am sure it will be a very scary experience having to face the store manager. I'd make it very brief, maybe just say "I'm sorry for...." and leave.

 

[unmanaged]

It's probably not too harsh depending on sensitive your daughter is. I am sure it will be a very scary experience having to face the store manager. I'd make it very brief, maybe just say "I'm sorry for...." and leave.

I guess it really does depend on how sensitive your daughter is. My son is *very* sensitive. Especially when he was young. If your daughter is a little tougher, I might think about confessing to the store manager, but I would still look at it from their point of view, they did something they were not quite sure is wrong and now she has to confess to a grown-up, who in her mind, might be angry with her. Good luck, either way!

 

[ntbuddy]

I think you did everything perfectly. You thanked her for being honest, you're making her pay for what she stole, and explained to the manager before hand which hopefully he/she handled equal as well.

Based on what you've said I can only hope that I could do as good of a job!

 

[twistertiger]

i think some kids think that kind of expirience is scary since they are shy or some other reason. i might just explain how the store keeper feels and how they would feel if they were stolen from but then again it can really teach them by the way you are doing it.

 

[superdad99]

I think you did everything perfectly. You thanked her for being honest, you're making her pay for what she stole, and explained to the manager before hand which hopefully he/she handled equal as well.

Based on what you've said I can only hope that I could do as good of a job!

I agree. Parenting is all about taking advantage of teachable moments and I thought what you did was much more productive and less scaring than the yelling and beating I got for stealing crayons in the first grade.

 

[twistertiger]

i agree with superdad999.