Stepmom needs advice on teenage to adulthood stage...

[stepmomMediator]

My SS just graduated from high school and I need some advice on what to expect. Is it too much to ask that he save enough money to at least buy a used car? He has spent more than $100 per week on other things. He lives at home and has no expenses. He has been working full time since May and should have at least $1200 towards a car by now. Am I being unreasonable?

 

[parentastic]

My SS just graduated from high school and I need some advice on what to expect. Is it too much to ask that he save enough money to at least buy a used car? He has spent more than $100 per week on other things. He lives at home and has no expenses. He has been working full time since May and should have at least $1200 towards a car by now. Am I being unreasonable?

Well, the way you are wording this is a bit strange.

Are you unreasonable to expect him to save his own money for something you decide he needs to buy? Well... I would say that if this is truly his money, then you have no business telling him what to buy with it.

On the flip side, nothing forces you to use your own car to lift him anywhere he wants either. It's his choice to walk, or use public transportation, etc.

What's reasonable is to set your own boundaries about what services you are willing to provide for him, in order to respect your own boundaries; this way, you have mutual respect in the family. But no, it's not reasonable to expect him to spend his money the way you want...

 

[stepmomMediator]

Thank you for your advice. I guess what I am trying to say is I hope my SS decides to make some goals. We have talked about college, car, budgeting, etc. I just haven't seen any effort on his part towards any goals. Don't get me wrong. He is a great young adult. I should be thankful - at least he set one goal and reached it - he applied for 20 jobs, interviewed for 2 and accepted one.

Dad and I don't mind taking him to/from work everyday but it does get old sometimes when we see him waste a lot of money. We sat down to develop a budget together with SS's input on what he expects to spend per week. We included a plan for what a car may cost, estimated car tags, insurance, etc. Dad and I are willing to contribute and have saved some money already towards his car. We are not turning over the money we contribute until the day of purchase - Otherwise, SS will just spend it all...

 

[akmom]

Well-put, Parentastic. That is a very sensible way to look at it.

 

[Mom2all]

I agree. His money, his choice. I'd give him the time frame in which you and your husband will continue to transport him. I've just done the same for my son. He had 6 months of a free ride. He's down to 4. I remind him often that he needs to be thinking about what a long bike ride its going to be and that I'm truly going to hate sitting in the recliner while he leaves off for work at 5AM...but I will. I hope he's thinking on it!

 

[Cop2be]

Yes it is unreasonable to expect he spend his own money the way YOU see fit.

It is not unreasonable to expect him to find other ways than you now that he is 18.